Dare to Read
by Human124
Summary: This is a Divergent characters read Divergent story. It is in Four's POV. I will try my best to update as often as possible. The pairings are: Will/Christina, Fourtris, Uriah/Marlene, and Zeke/Shauna. Lynn is also there, but she probably won't be having a girlfriend.
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer: I don't own Divergent **

**Tris' POV**

It has been almost a month since the serum Jeanine injected the Dauntless with failed. A group of Erudite realized what was going on and switched out the serums. The serum they gave us only lasted for about a minute, so everyone affected by it was just a bit confused as to why they were by the tracks. Christina knew i hadn't been affected by the serum, but I still haven't told her why. The feeling of fear I get whenever someone gets too close to discovering my divergence still goes through me. I am not completely sure that the feeling of animosity some of those feel towards us was executed along with Jeanine, so I feel it best to hide it still.

However, things are getting better. The hateful articles about Abnegation stopped when the new Erudite leader, Asha, took charge. Asha is also the one who took charge when the group of Erudite switched the serums. As a faction ambassador, I have been trying to help the other government officials come up with a better way to run things. At the last meeting, I suggested that we could have a council made up of an equal representatives from each faction. The representatives would be voted on by the members of their faction. The people there actually seemed to take my idea into consideration. They said they would take a month or so to think it over, and then we could all get back together and go from there. Also, people can now travel in between factions, though not many take advantage of this. I still haven't visited any of family members and they haven't visited me.

I'm in my kitchen brewing tea when I hear a knock at the door.

"who is it?" I ask. It better not be Christina coming to drag me along on another of her "totally necessary" shopping trips.

"Four." says Tobias. I smirk. "Four? Like the number?" "Ha ha. Just let me in Tris."

"Why don't you just pick pick the lock? I'm making tea and it's a very delicate process that can not be interrupted for people who lose keys."

I hear Tobias let out a frustrated huff. "I didn't lose it," he says insistently, "Zeke took it!"

"Why would Zeke want a key to my apartment?" I ask, frowning.

"He broke into my apartment last night to steal a key to my apartment but accidentally stole the key to yours. I didn't know any of this had happened until I woke up this morning and saw a note on my table that said thanks for the key bro" Tobias sounds genuinely upset about it. Well, I would be too if Zeke had broken into my apartment. I shutter at the thought.

I decide to be nice to him, so I get up and open the door only to find no one there. I look around confused. Where could he have gone in such a short amount of time? "Four?" I call out uncertainly.

"I think I saw him running after Zeke," says Uriah down the hall.

"After I got up in the middle of making my tea?" I yell in mock indignation.

Uriah mocks a gasp. "How rude of him! Interrupting Trissy's tea making like that!"

"Shut up Uriah!" I yell at him, "It's an extremely delicate process, that when handled badly, can ruin everything."

"everything? Isn't that being a little melodramatic?" he says smirking.

"No, because if I don't get my tea in the morning i am more likely to ruin a certain smart-alecks face."

"Maybe you should go have your tea," says Uriah nervously.

"Good answer," I say, nodding my head.

I close the door and am about to turn around when I feel someone hugging me from behind. I reflexively elbow the person in the gut. I hear the person "oof," behind me and recognize it as Tobias.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask him as he turns me around to face him.

"I can't visit my girlfriend?" he asks while putting a hand to his chest in mock hurt.

"I meant when did you get in here?"

"While you were talking to Uriah," he says smirking smugly.

I just roll my eyes at him and go to the kitchen to finish making my tea. He strides over to the couch I have across my bed and plops down. At least he knows well enough to not interrupt my tea making twice in a row.

Once I finish, I pour two cups and hand one to Tobias, keeping the other for myself and sit on the couch next to him so our legs are touching. As much as he pretends otherwise, I know he actually enjoys the tea I give him.

We talk about trivial things while sipping tea and sometime during the conversation I wind up sitting sideways on his lap with his right hand on my shoulder and his left holding his tea.

I've just finished my first cup when I hear a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I ask. I don't know who it could be since no one visits me this early except for Tobias. Christina usually comes earlier than this when she drags me on a shopping trip.

"It's Caleb."

Caleb? I jump up off of Tobias's lap and and rush to the I open it, I see Caleb standing there with a bag in his hand. He ditched the glasses he was wearing when I visited him in Erudite. Thank God. Other than that, he looks the same.

"Caleb!" I exclaim hugging him. I didn't realize just how much I missed my brother until this moment.

"Hey Beatrice," he says hugging me with the arm that is not carrying the bag.

"Who's this?" asks Tobias from behind me. I didn't realize how this must look to him, my hugging a random Erudite that he's never seen before.

"Four, this is my brother Caleb." I can see Tobias's jealousy quickly replaced by embarrassment. "Caleb, this is my boyfriend, Four."

"You two don't live together do you?" Caleb asks. He seems kind of alarmed at the idea.

"Why is everyone against me visiting my girlfriend?" huffs Tobias.

"Oh get over it," I say. I punch him lightly on his arm.

Caleb looks at Tobias like he is trying to analyze him. I always knew he was protective, but I didn't know he was _this _protective.

"Why don't you come inside and have a cup of tea?" i ask, trying to defuse the tension.

Caleb looks back at me and nods. I go to the kitchen to get the kettle and another tea cup while Tobias plops back down where he was and Caleb sits in the chair. I give Caleb his tea and refill mine and Tobias's cups.

"Thanks Tris," says Tobias.

"Thanks Be- I mean- Tris?" Caleb looks at me from his chair, "Should I call you Tris?"

I think about it. It's kinda weird to hear him call me Tris. "Whichever," I say.

"How come he gets to call you whichever he wants, but I only get to call you Beatrice on special occasions?" whispers Tobias.

I have to stifle a laugh at how whiny he sounds. "Because he's my brother, it's weird to hear him call me Tris," I whisper back at him.

Caleb, unaware of our whispered exchange just takes a sip of his tea. "Hey this stuff is really good," he says, "what kind of tea is it?"

"Peach, but I also added some other stuff. What's in the bag?" I ask him.

Caleb sets down his tea and becomes suddenly serious. "That's why I came actually. In Erudite I invented something that records someones history into book form almost instantly. I tried it on myself, but for some reason, it wound up recording your history," I gape at him opened mouth, "well, it's your history with a couple changes."

"What changes?" I ask, curious in spite of how creepy it is my brother has a written history of my life.

"Well, from what I can gather, this is what would have happened if Asha and the rest of the Erudite hadn't realized what Jeanine was doing. But that's not what I'm really interested in," says Caleb. He reaches down and pulls out a book from the bag. Across it is the Chicago skyline with the Dauntless seal in the middle. In large, white, letters it says Divergent. I grab the book and stare at it in disbelief. The word that would definitely get me killed just a month ago is on my autobiography. "Do you know what it means?"

"Yes," I say slowly, "Don't you?" you'd think as an Erudite he would know all about the Divergents.

He shakes his head. "Could you tell me?" he asks his eyes shining at the possibility of learning something new.

"We could just read the book," I say, absentmindedly rubbing the cover. I know I am curious to read what would have happened, so Caleb must be as well.

"Are you sure you would let me read that?" he asks.

I look at Tobias. After all, I did learn a lot about his past, so it would be in here as well.

Tobias sighs. "It's fine with me," he says.

I eye him suspiciously, "Are you sure?" I ask him. I don't want to push him into sharing his past.

He nods his head, "Yeah. I don't see a use in hiding it anymore."

"Really? You're the best sister ever!" Caleb says excitedly. He looks like a kid on Christmas.

"I know I am," I say nonchalantly.

Caleb is just about to say something else when Uriah and Zeke burst in through the door.

"Tris! We're playing truth or dare! Bring your brother!" they say in unison.

"How did you get in here?!" I ask. Caleb just sits in his chair in shock while Tobias laughs.

"Zeke picked the lock," says Uriah.

I glare at Zeke, who shifts uncomfortably under my gaze.

"Hey what's that?" Zeke asks pointing to Divergent. He's obviously trying to change the subject.

"My autobiography," I say still glaring at him, "well, kind of. Now, stop changing the subject. I've told you before that if you two break into my apartment again I will steal all of Uriah's pop-tarts and all of Zeke's cake."

They both get down on their knees. "Please forgive us oh merciful one!" they say.

"Be nice Tris," says Tobias, "You know how short their attention spans are. Did you honestly think they were paying attention to you while you were threatening them?"

"Fine," I say grudgingly.

"What was that about a kind of autobiography?" asks Uriah.

Caleb speaks up. "I invented a machine that creates a person's history, and it printed Beatrice's. Except, in the book, no one switched out the serums Jeanine gave the Dauntless."

"So it's like an alternate reality," says Zeke.

"Yes," says Caleb nodding excitedly. Tobias, Uriah, and I just look at him in shock.

"What?" says Zeke defensively, "I payed attention in school on occasion."

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" asks Uriah.

We all laugh at that.

"Let's go. We don't want to miss anymore truth or dare," says Zeke.

page break b/c i'm lazy

We're sitting in a circle at Zeke's with Shauna, Lynn, Marlene, Christina, Will, Tobias, Caleb, myself and of course, Zeke and Uriah. I'm sitting in between Tobias and Caleb. After everyone is introduced to Caleb, Zeke starts the game.

"Okay!" he says, "As always, I will start. Tris! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

He grins evilly. I have a bad feeling about this. "Let us read your sort of autobiography," he says, "Muhahahaha."

"It's fine with me," I say I look to Tobias, and he just nods, "Let's do it then."

Caleb explains how my sort of autobiography came to be while Zeke just hands Divergent to me. I'm not surprised he took it.

"Oooh," says Christina, "We all get to read her first impressions of us!"

"You better mention how ruggedly handsome I am," says Will.

I just roll my eyes at him and start reading.

4's POV

**bold** = story

**There is only one mirror at my house.**

I hear a chorus of what's.

"It's not that big of a deal," says Tris, "It's just kind of how it was."

"If there are interruptions after every sentence, this is going to take forever," I say. I for one, am actually quite eager to see what her life was like before she came to Dauntless and to hear her first impressions of everyone. Especially her first impression of me.

**It is behind a sliding panel in the hallway upstairs. Our faction allows me to stand in front of it on the second day of every third month, the day my mother cuts my hair. I sit on the stool and my mother stands behind me, trimming. The strands fall around us in a dull, blonde ring. When she finishes, she pulls my hair from my face and twists it into a knot. I note how calm she looks and how focused she is. She is well-practiced in the art of losing herself. I can't say the same for myself.**

"But you are selfless Tris!" says Marlene.

"Personally," I say, "I don't think that being selfless and losing oneself are necessarily the same thing. You can be selfless while still acknowledging who you are. At least, that's what I think."

"Wow," says Uriah, "Deep thoughts with Four."

"He does have a good point though," says Caleb.

I raise my eyebrows at him. "For some reason," i say, "I was under the distinct impression that you disliked me."

"I just think that you're a little old to be dating my sister," he says, "I don't dislike you as a person, and even if i did dislike you, that wouldn't change my thinking that what you said was a good point."

"If you didn't dislike me even a little bit, you wouldn't have a problem with Tris and I dating," I say. I know that her family is important to Tris, so I want Caleb and I to at least be able to have a decent conversation without him glaring daggers at me like he has been doing since he showed up.

Caleb ponders that for a moment. "It's not that I dislike you," he says slowly, "It's that I just don't really trust you."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Tris asks.

"No, says Caleb decisively, "After all, I am assuming neither of you dislike Uriah or Zeke, but you don't seem to trust them when it comes to your apartments."

"Hey! I resent that!" say Uriah and Zeke at the same time.

I laugh. "He does have a good point though," i say parroting what Caleb said earlier. Caleb much catch this because he looks over at me and smiles.

"While it's nice that you two are bonding by making fun of those two idiots," says Lynn while ignoring the identical looks of hurt that the two idiots direct at her, "But I think it's about time we started reading again, or else we're going to be here all night."

Tris nods and starts reading again.

**I sneak a look at my reflection when she isn't paying attention-not for the sake of vanity, but out of curiosity. a lot can happen to a person's appearance in three months. In my reflection I see a narrow face, wide, round eyes, and a long, thin nose- I still look like a little girl, though sometime in the last few months I turned sixteen.**

**The other factions celebrate birthdays, but we don't. It would be self indulgent,**

"Please tell me that you at least know when your birthday is," says Christia.

"I don't know when my birthday is," says Tris. I just realized that I don't know when my birthday is either. I just consider Choosing Day my birthday since I know i has to be then or before.

"Abnegation is so weird," says Shauna.

"I could find it," offers Caleb, "I've been meaning to look up our birthdays anyway."

"Thanks," says Tris.

"**There," she says when she pins the knot in place. Her eyes catch mine in the mirror. It is too late to look away, but instead of scolding me, she smiles at our reflection.**

**I frown a little. Why doesn't she reprimand me for staring at myself?**

"Could you really have gotten reprimanded for looking at your reflection?" asks Will.

"Yes," says Tris, "They don't care as much when you're younger, but by the time you're sixteen you are expected to be able to resist temptation."

"**So, today is the day," she says. "Yes," I reply. "Are you nervous?" I stare into my own eyes for a moment. Today is the day of the aptitude test that will show which of the five factions I belong in.** **And tomorrow, at the Choosing Ceremony, I will decide on a faction; I will decide on the rest of my life; I will decide to stay with my family or abandon them.**

"Being kinda melodramatic aren't you?" says Christina.

"It's true though," says Caleb.

Tris doesn't even really acknowledge the comments.

"**No," I say, "The tests don't have to change our choices." "Right." she smiles. "Let's go eat breakfast." "Thank you. For cutting my hair." She kisses my cheek and slides the panel over the mirror. I think my mother could be beautiful, in a different world. Her body is thin beneath her gray robe. She has high cheekbones and long eyelashes, and when she lets her hair down at night it hangs in waves over her shoulders. But she must hide that beauty in Abnegation. We walk together to the kitchen. On these mornings when my brother makes breakfast, and my father's hand skims my hair as he reads the newspaper, and my mother hums as she clears the table- it is on these mornings I feel the guiltiest for wanting to leave them.**

"Had you known which faction you wanted to go to at that point?" asks Caleb.

"No," says Tris, "I just knew that I couldn't stay in Abnegation."

"Why?" asks Christina.

"I wasn't very good at following the rules," says Tris

I snort. "You've already broken some of the rules here," i say, "Is it possible for you to follow rules period?"

"You've already broken some of the rules here?" asks Caleb. He seems kind of horrified at the idea.

"I visited you, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"Tsk. Tsk. Tris. You're a very naughty girl," says Zeke.

"Like you have any room to talk." says Tris while rolling her eyes.

"BURN!" says Shauna laughing.

"My own girlfriend!" exclaims Zeke.

"As much as your antics amuse me," says Lynn, "I kind of want us to be done with this chapter sometime this year."

"There's a break." says Tris.

**The bus stinks of exhaust. Every time it hits a patch of uneven pavement, it jostles me from side to side, even though i'm gripping the seat to keep myself still. **

**My older brother, Caleb, holds a railing above his head to keep himself steady. We don't look alike. He has my father's dark hair and hooked nose and my mother's green eyes and dimpled cheek. When he was younger, that collection of features looked strange,**

"No I don't!" says Caleb.

"That was my opinion, and I said when you were younger," says Tris tiredly. It is interesting to see Tris arguing with her brother. I've never really seen the sister side of her before.

**but now it suits him. If he wasn't Abnegation, I'm sure some of the girls would look at him.**

"Happy now?" asks Tris. she smirks.

Caleb opens and closes his mouth. "Whatever," he grumbles.

**He also inherited my mother's talent for selflessness. He gave his seat to a surly Candor man on the bus. The Candor man wears a black suit with a white tie- Candor standard uniform. Their faction values honesty and sees the truth as black and white, so that is what they wear. The gaps between the buildings narrow and the roads become smoother as we near the heart of the city. The building that was once called the Sears Tower- we call it the Hub- emerges from the fog, a black pillar in the skyline. The bus passes under an elevated track. I have never been on a train, though they never stop running and there are tracks everywhere. Only the Dauntless ride them. Five years ago, volunteer construction workers from Abnegation repaved some of the roads. They started in the middle of the city and worked their way outward until they ran out of materials. The roads were I live are still cracked and patchy, and it's not safe to drive on them. We don't have a car anyway. Caleb's expression is placid as the bus sways and jolts on the road. The gray robe falls from his arm as he clutches the poll for balance. I can tell by the constant shift of his eyes that he is watching the people around us- striving to see only them and forget himself.**

"Actually," says Caleb, "I was looking around because I was curious."

**Candor values honesty, but our faction, Abnegation, values selflessness. The bus stops in front of the school and I get up, scooting past the Candor man. I grab Caleb's arm as I stumble over the man's shoes. My slacks are too long, and I've never been that graceful. The Upper Levels building is the oldest of the three schools in the city: Lower Levels, Mid-Levels, and Upper Levels.**

**Like all the other buildings around it, it is made of glass and steel. In front of it is a large metal sculpture that the Dauntless climb after school, daring each other to go higher and higher.**

Uriah sighs. "What fond memories I have of that sculpture."

"Like when you made me fall off it?" asks Marlene angrily.

"I've said I'm sorry Mar!"

"You made me break my leg!"

"Aw, how cute. They're having a lover's quarrel," says Lynn snidely. They both turn red and shut up.

**Last year I watched one of them fall and break her leg. I was the one who ran to get the nurse.**

"Thanks for that," says Marlene.

"No problem," says Tris shrugging. I find it interesting how she insists she isn't selfless, but she still does things like getting a nurse and then calls it "no big deal" or "no problem". I don't think I'll ever fully understand how Tris can see herself as not selfless and not pretty.

"**Aptitude test today," I say. Caleb's not quite a year older than I am, so we are in the same year at school.**

**He nods as we pass through the front doors. My muscles tighten the second we walk in. The atmosphere feels hungry, like every sixteen-year-old is trying to devour as much as he can get on this last day. It is likely that we will not walk these halls again after Choosing Day- once we choose, our new factions will be responsible for finishing our education. Our classes are cut in half today, so we will attend all of them before the aptitude tests, which take place after lunch. My heart rate is already elevated.**

"You sound like an Erudite," says Will.

"So?" says Tris

"Nothing," he says smirking, "It's just that I distinctly remember you making fun of me for sounding like one."

"That was Christina."

"**You aren't worried about what they'll tell you?" I ask Caleb. We pause at a split in the hallway where he will go one way, toward Advanced Math, and I will go the other, toward Faction History. He raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you?"**

"Question dodger much?" says Christina.

He just shrugs his shoulders.

**I could tell him that I've been worried for weeks about what the aptitude test will tell me- Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity, or Dauntless? Instead I smile and say, "Not really." He smiles back. "Well...have a good day." I walk toward Faction History, chewing on my lower lip. He never answered my question. The hallways are cramped, though the light coming through the windows creates the illusion of space; they are one of the only places where the factions mix, at our age. Today the crowd has a new kind of energy, a last day mania. A girl with long curly hair shouts "Hey!" next to my ear, waving at a distant friend. A jacket sleeve smacks me on the cheek. Then, an Erudite boy in a blue sweater shoves me. I lose my balance and fall hard on the ground. "Out of my way, Stiff," he snaps, and continues down the hallway.**

"What a jerk," says Christina.

"Seriously," says Marlene.

**My cheeks are warm. I get up and dust myself up. A few people stopped when I fell, but none of them offered to help me. Their eyes follow me to the edge of the hallway. This sort of thing has been happening to others in my faction for months now- the Erudite have been releasing antagonistic reports about Abnegation, and it has begun to affect the way we relate at school. The gray clothes, the plain hairstyle, and the unassuming demeanor of my faction are supposed to make it easier for me to forget myself, and easier for everyone else to forget me too. But now they make me a target.**

"Kind of ironic, really," I muse.

**I pause by a window in the E wing and wait for the Dauntless to arrive. I do this every morning. At exactly 7:25, the Dauntless prove their bravery by jumping from a moving train. My father calls the Dauntless "hellions." They are pierced, tattooed, and black clothed. Their primary purpose is to guard the fence that surrounds our city. From what, I don't know. They should perplex me. I should wonder what courage- which is the virtue they value most- has to do with a metal ring through your nostril.**

"What does being selfless have to do with the color grey?" I ask.

Tris just shrugs.

**Instead my eyes cling to them wherever they go. The train whistle blares, the sound resonating in my chest. The light on the front of the train clicks on and off as the train hurtles past the school, squealing on iron rails. And as the last few cars pass, a mass exodus of young men and women in dark clothing hurl themselves from the moving cars, some dropping and rolling, others stumbling a few steps before regain their balance. One of the boys wraps his arm around a girl's shoulders, laughing. Watching them is a foolish practice. I turn away from the window and press through the crowd to the Faction History class room.**

"Done!" says Tris, "Who wants to read next?"

"Me!" say Zeke and Uriah at the same time.

"Jinx knock on wood padlock!" says Zeke, "Ha! I win."

Tris passes the book to Zeke.

"Chapter two…"


	2. Chapter 2

2

**The tests begins after lunch. We sit at the long tables in the cafeteria, and the test administrators call ten names at a time, one for each testing room. I sit next to Caleb and across from our neighbor Susan.**

**Susan's father travels throughout the city for his job, so he has a car and drives her to and from school everyday. He offered to drive us, too, but as Caleb says, we prefer to leave later and would not want to inconvenience him. Of course not.**

"Do you always have to be so sarcastic?" asks Caleb.

"Hey this is a past and alternate reality me. Who knows if I even thought that in this reality?" Tris counters.

"I do," says Caleb, "This book will be accurate until the part where the Erudite inject the Dauntless with the serums."

"How do you know?" I ask. I'm not saying it to be rude, I'm genuinely curious.

"In an alternate reality, usually only one thing will be changed. Since that one thing is Asha realizing what Jeanine was planning to do, it won't affect Tris until the Dauntless are injected."

Tris groans at this, but I smile. I've always wanted to know when she started to like me and I guess I'll find out now.

**The test administrators are mostly Abnegation volunteers, although there is an Erudite in one of the testing rooms and a Dauntless in another to test those of us from Abnegation, because the rules say that we can't be tested by someone from our own faction. The rules also say we can't prepare for the test in any way, so I don't know what to expect.**

**My gaze drifts from Susan over to the Dauntless tables across the room. They are laughing and shouting and playing cards. At another set of tables, the Erudite chatter over books and newspapers, in constant pursuit of knowledge. A group of Amity girls in yellow and red sit in a circle on the cafeteria floor, playing some kind of hand-slapping game involving a rhyming song. Every few minutes I hear a chorus of laughter from them as someone is eliminated and has to sit in the center of the circle. At the table next to them, Candor boys make wide gestures with their hands. They appear to be arguing about something, but it must not be serious, because some of them are still smiling.**

**At the Abnegation table, we sit quietly and wait. Faction customs dictate even idle behavior and supersede individual preference. I doubt all Erudite want to study all the time, or that every Candor enjoys a lively debate, but they can't defy the norms of their faction any more than I can.**

**Caleb's name is called in the next group. He moves confidently toward the exit. I don't need to wish him good luck or assure him that he shouldn't be nervous. He knows where he belongs, and as far as I know, he always has.**

"I didn't know I was going to choose Erudite until the day of the Ceremony," says Caleb.

"Really?" asks Tris. Caleb nods. "I guess that makes two of us," she says laughing.

I find it interesting she wasn't sure she would choose Dauntless before the Ceremony. To me, she belongs in Dauntless and it's hard to picture her anywhere else.

**My earliest memory of him is from when we were four years old. He scolded me for not giving my jump rope to a little girl on the playground who didn't have anything to play with. He doesn't lecture me often anymore, but I have his look of disapproval memorized.**

"Good," says Caleb, "Maybe now, you will remember that look when you're going to do something I disapprove of."

I snort. "Is there anything you approve of?" I ask. I know he doesn't approve of me, and I doubt he'll approve of some of Tris's later actions.

"I approve of things that make Tris happy," he says. There are a chorus of "aww's," at this. I think I had Caleb pegged wrong. He seems to genuinely care about Tris's well being. I can even kind of see why he wouldn't approve of me at first. Kind of.

"While this is a very touching moment," I say, "Maybe we should continue reading. I for one, would like to finish this book sometime this year."

I lean over towards Caeb behind Tris's back. He meets me halfway. "You know," I whisper to him, "I judged you wrong. You're actually a really good brother." "Thanks," he whispers back to me, "I'd like to say you're a good match for Beatrice, but I hardly know you."

I smile back at him. At least he seems to be trying to see the good in me.

**I have tried to explain to him that my instincts are not the same as his- it didn't even enter my mind to give my seat to the Candor man on the bus- but he doesn't understand. "Just do what you're supposed to," he always says. It is that easy for him. It should be that easy for me.**

"If selflessness was really that hard for you," says Marlene, "You wouldn't have gotten help for me when I fell off the sculpture."

"That's different," dismisses Tris.

"No one else went to get help," say Uriah. Tris just shrugs. I lean towards Caleb again. "Your sister is so stubborn," I whisper to him. "Your girlfriend is blind when it concerns her good points," he whispers back. I laugh a little. "Hey, that's not my fault," I whisper. "And her stubbornness is mine?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. He's laughing too now.

"What are you guys whispering about?" asks Trs. We both straighten up and say "nothing" simultaneously. Though, it's not really believable since we're still laughing. She somehow manages to glare at both of us simultaneously. "I must say that you're very brave Four," says Caleb, "Your girlfriend is terrifying."

Everyone laughs at this. Well, everyone except Tris. She just huffs and crosses her arms. "What?" I ask, "Aren't you glad we're getting along better?" "I thought she would be thrilled we're able to talk to each other now," says Caleb. I nod my head. "Me too. Well, that's Tris for you," I say, "When we don't get along she's unhappy,and when we get along she's still unhappy." Tris punches us both in the arm.

"Seriously though," I whisper to her, "Aren't you happy he's not garing daggers at me anymore?" "I suppose," she says grudgingly. I put my arm around her shoulders and give her a side hug type thing. She uncrosses her arms and leans into me. I look over at Caleb. "I guess I'm fine with it," he says. I smile.

Zeke clears his throat and begins the story again. **My stomach wrenches. I close my eyes and keep them closed until ten minutes, when Caleb sits down again. He is plater-pale.**

Caleb winces. "It was that noticeable?" "Yep," says Tris.

**He pushes his palms along his legs like I do when I wipe off sweat. and when he brings them back, his finger hake. I open my mouth to ask him something, but the words don't come. I am not allowed to ask him about his results, and he is not allowed to tell me. **

**An Abnegation volunteer speaks the next round of names. Two from Dauntless, two from Erudite,two from Amity, two from Candor, and then: "From Abnegation: Susan Black and Beatrice Prior." **

**I get up because I'm supposed to, but if it were up to me, I would stay in my seat for the rest of time. I feel like there is a bubble in my chest that expands more by the second, threatening to break me apart from the inside.**

**I follow Susan to the exit. The people I pass probably can't tell us apart. We wear the same clothes and we wear our blond hair the same way. The only difference is that Susan might not feel like she's going to throw up, and from what I can tell, her hands aren't shaking so hard she has to clutch the hem of her shirt to steady them. Waiting for us outside the cafeteria is a row of ten rooms. They are used only for the aptitude tests, so I have never been in one before. Unlike the other rooms in the school, they are separated, not by glass, but by mirrors. I watch myself, pale and terrified, walking toward one of the doors. Susan grins nervously at me as she walks into room 5, and I walk into room 6, where a Dauntless woman waits for me.**

**She is not as severe-looking as the young Dauntless I have seen. She has small, dark, angular eyes and wears a black blazer—like a man's suit—and jeans. It is only when she turns to close the door that I see a tattoo on the back of her neck, a black- and-white hawk with a red eye. If I didn't feel like my heart had migrated to my throat, I would ask her what it signifies. It must signify something.**

**Mirrors cover the inner walls of the room. I can see my reflection from all angles: the gray fabric obscuring the shape of my back, my long neck, my knobby-knuckled hands, red with a blood blush. The ceiling glows white with light. In the center of the room is a reclined chair, like a dentist's, with a machine next to it. It looks like a place where terrible things happen.**

"You're a ray of sunshine aren't you?" says Zeke dryly.

"I was nervous," says Tris.

**"Don't worry," the woman says, "it doesn't hurt." Her hair is black and straight, but in the light I see that it is streaked with gray. "Have a seat and get comfortable," she says. "My name is Tori."**

"She seems nice," says Caleb. He seems surprised that someone from Dauntless could be nice. "I don't know of anyone who doesn't like her," says Shauna. It's true. Even Eric seems to like Tori. Well, as much as Eric can like anyone. She's respected and she works in the tattoo parlor, so a lot of people confide in her.

**Clumsily I sit in the chair and recline, putting my head on the headrest. The lights hurt my eyes. Tori busies herself with the machine on my right. I try to focus on her and not on the wires in her hands.**

**"Why the hawk?" I blurt out as she attaches an electrode to my forehead. "Never met a curious Abnegation before," she says, raising her eyebrows at me. I shiver, and goose bumps appear on my arms. My curiosity is a mistake, a betrayal of Abnegation values.**

"How did you survive?" asks Will. His question is directed at Celeb. "I snuck books from school," he says. "You stole!?" exclaims Tris. "No!" says Caleb hastily, "I returned them all."

**Humming a little, she presses another electrode to my forehead and explains, "In some parts of the ancient world, the hawk symbolized the sun. Back when I got this, I figured if I always had the sun on me, I wouldn't be afraid of the dark." I try to stop myself from asking another question, but I can't help it. "You're afraid of the dark?" "I was afraid of the dark," she corrects me. She presses the next electrode to her own forehead, and attaches a wire to it. She shrugs. "Now it reminds me of the fear I've overcome."**

**She stands behind me. I squeeze the armrests so tightly the redness pulls away from my knuckles. She tugs wires toward her, attaching them to me, to her, to the machine behind her. Then she passes me a vial of clear liquid. "Drink this," she says. "What is it?" My throat feels swollen. I swallow hard. "What's going to happen?" "Can't tell you that. Just trust me." I press air from my lungs and tip the contents of the vial into my mouth. My eyes close.**

**When they open, an instant has passed, but I am somewhere else. I stand in the school cafeteria again, but all the long tables are empty, and I see through the glass walls that it's snowing. On the table in front of me are two baskets. In one is a hunk of cheese, and in the other, a knife the length of my forearm. Behind me, a woman's voice says, "Choose." "Why?" I ask. "Choose," she repeats. I look over my shoulder, but no one is there. I turn back to the baskets. "What will I do with them?" "Choose!" she yells. When she screams at me, my fear disappears and stubbornness replaces it. I scowl and cross my arms.**

I shake my head. "See?" I say to Caleb, "Your sister is really stubborn." "I never disagreed with you," he says. "The person you're talking about is right here," says Tris. I chuckle and hold her a bit tighter. "So she is," I whisper in her ear. She rolls her eyes at me, but doesn't move out of my grasp.

**"Have it your way," she says. The baskets disappear. I hear a door squeak and turn to see who it is. I see not a "who" but a "what": A dog with a pointed nose stands a few yards away from me. It crouches low and creeps toward me, its lips peeling back from its white teeth. A growl gurgles from deep in its throat, and I see why the cheese would have come in handy. Or the knife. But it's too late now.**

**I think about running, but the dog will be faster than me. I can't wrestle it to the ground. My head pounds. I have to make a decision. If I can jump over one of the tables and use it as a shield—no, I am too short to jump over the tables, and not strong enough to tip one over. The dog snarls, and I can almost feel the sound vibrating in my skull. My biology textbook said that dogs can smell fear because of a chemical secreted by human glands in a state of duress, the same chemical a dog's prey secretes. Smelling fear leads them to attack. The dog inches toward me, its nails scraping the floor.**

**I can't run. I can't fight. Instead I breathe in the smell of the dog's foul breath and try not to think about what it just ate. There are no whites in its eyes, just a black gleam. What else do I know about dogs? I shouldn't look it in the eye. That's a sign of aggression. I remember asking my father for a pet dog when I was young, and now, staring at the ground in front of the dog's paws, I can't remember why. It comes closer, still growling. If staring into its eyes is a sign of aggression, what's a sign of submission?**

"You sound like an Erudite," says Caleb. "So?" says Tris. I can feel her tense beside me. She still perceives people finding out about her divergence as a threat. I don't blame her. "Just saying," says Caleb.

**My breaths are loud but steady. I sink to my knees. **

It's my turn to tense. I don't like to think of her on her knees in front of something that could kill her. Tris must sense something is wrong because she looks up at me and I can feel her studying my face. "It was just a simulation Tobias," she say so quietly only I can hear. I nod, but I still feel kind of queasy.

**The last thing I want to do is lie down on the ground in front of the dog—making its teeth level with my face—but it's the best option I have. I stretch my legs out behind me and lean on my elbows. The dog creeps closer, and closer, until I feel its warm breath on my face. My arms are shaking. It barks in my ear, and I clench my teeth to keep from screaming. Something rough and wet touches my cheek. The dog's growling stops, and when I lift my head to look at it again, it is panting. It licked my face. I frown and sit on my heels. The dog props its paws up on my knees and licks my chin. I cringe, wiping the drool from my skin, and laugh.**

I smile at Tris. She insists she isn't as smart, brave, kind, and selfless as I tell her she is, but her reaction to the dog proves that she is very smart. Tris looks up at me and catches me staring at her. What?" she whispers suspiciously to me. I just shake my head.

**"You're not such a vicious beast, huh?" I get up slowly so I don't startle it, but it seems like a different animal than the one that faced me a few seconds ago. I stretch out a hand, carefully, so I can draw it back if I need to. The dog nudges my hand with its head. I am suddenly glad I didn't pick up the knife.**

**I blink, and when my eyes open, a child stands across the room wearing a white dress. She stretches out both hands and squeals, "Puppy!" As she runs toward the dog at my side, I open my mouth to warn her, but I am too late. The dog turns. Instead of growling, it barks and snarls and snaps, and its muscles bunch up like coiled wire, about to pounce. I don't think, I just jump; I hurl my body on top of the dog, wrapping my arms around its thick neck.**

"What was that about not being selfless?" I whisper in her ear. She just rolls her eyes at me and makes a dismissive gesture with her hand, returning her attention to Zeke. I frown at the top of her head. What will it take for her to realize her own self-worth?

**My head hits the ground. The dog is gone, and so is the little girl. Instead I am alone—in the testing room, now empty. I turn in a slow circle and can't see myself in any of the mirrors. I push the door open and walk into the hallway, but it isn't a hallway; it's a bus, and all the seats are taken.**

**I stand in the aisle and hold on to a pole. Sitting near me is a man with a newspaper. I can't see his face over the top of the paper, but I can see his hands. They are scarred, like he was burned, and they clench around the paper like he wants to crumple it. "Do you know this guy?" he asks. He taps the picture on the front page of the newspaper. The headline reads: "Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!" I stare at the word "murderer." It has been a long time since I last read that word, but even its shape fills me with dread.**

**In the picture beneath the headline is a young man with a plain face and a beard. I feel like I do know him, though I don't remember how. And at the same time, I feel like it would be a bad idea to tell the man that. "Well?" I hear anger in his voice. "Do you?" A bad idea—no, a very bad idea. My heart pounds and I clutch the pole to keep my hands from shaking, from giving me away. If I tell him I know the man from the article, something awful will happen to me. But I can convince him that I don't. I can clear my throat and shrug my shoulders—but that would be a lie.**

**I clear my throat. "Do you?" he repeats. I shrug my shoulders. "Well?" A shudder goes through me. My fear is irrational; this is just a test, it isn't real. "Nope," I say, my voice casual. "No idea who he is." He stands, and finally I see his face. He wears dark sunglasses and his mouth is bent into a snarl. His cheek is rippled with scars, like his hands. He leans close to my face. His breath smells like cigarettes. Not real, I remind myself. Not real. **

**"You're lying," he says. "You're lying!" "I am not." "I can see it in your eyes." I pull myself up straighter. "You can't." "If you know him," he says in a low voice, "you could save me. You could save me!" I narrow my eyes. "Well," I say. I set my jaw. "I don't."**

"That's the end," says Zeke. "My turn!" yells Uriah. Zeke slides the book over to Uriah who picks it up and turns to the right page. "Chapter 3!" says Uriah enthusiastically.

**Author's note: **First off, I wanted to thank y'all for taking the time to read this. It really means a lot to me. Second, as far as updating goes, I'll update when I finish a chapter. I have the first five chapters done, but I really need to edit them and stuff, so I may be updating at odd intervals for a while. Lastly, I do read reviews and I would love to hear what y'all think! The reason I decided to upload this story is because I wanted feedback.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT**


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3

**I wake to sweaty palms and a pang of guilt in my chest. I am lying in the chair in the mirrored room. When I tilt my head back, I see Tori behind me. She pinches her lips together and removes electrodes from our heads. I wait for her to say something about the test—that it's over, or that I did well, although how could I do poorly on a test like this?—but she says nothing, just pulls the wires from my forehead. I sit forward and wipe my palms off on my slacks. I had to have done something wrong, even if it only happened in my mind.**

"It's not possible to fail the aptitude test," says Caleb, rolling his eyes at his sister. "Like you wouldn't think the same thing," Tris snaps back. Caleb opens and closes his mouth. "That's what I thought," says Tris.

**Is that strange look on Tori's face because she doesn't know how to tell me what a terrible person I am?**

"You were right Zeke," says Uriah, "she's a ray of sunshine. But she's not near as sunshiney as Lynn." Lynn just gives him a death glare that would make Eric scream like a baby. "I'll just keep reading then," says Uriah hastily.

**I wish she would just come out with it. "That," she says, "was perplexing. Excuse me, I'll be right back." Perplexing? I bring my knees to my chest and bury my face in them. I wish I felt like crying, because the tears might bring me a sense of release, but I don't. How can you fail a test you aren't allowed to prepare for?**

**As the moments pass, I get more nervous. I have to wipe my hands off every few seconds as the sweat collects- or maybe I just do it because it helps me feel calmer. What if they tell me I'm not cut out for any faction? I would have to live on the streets with the factionless. I can't do that. To live factionless is not only to live in poverty and discomfort; it is to live divorced from society, separated from the most important thing in life: community.**

I raise my eyebrows at her. "You think the factionless don't have their own community of sorts?" "Yes I do," she says, "But, this is what I thought in the past. Obviously my thoughts about different things will change."

**My mother told me once that we can't survive alone, and even if we could, we wouldn't want to. Without a faction we have no purpose and no reason to live. I shake my head. I can't think like this. I have to stay calm.**

**Finally the door opens, and Tori walks back in. I grip the arms of the chair. "Sorry to worry you," Tori says. She stands by my feet with her hands in her pockets. She looks tense and pale.**

"**Beatrice, you test results were inconclusive," she says. **

"What?" says Caleb, "I didn't think that was possible!" "It's not supposed to be," I say, "Did you also notice she knew she was in a simulation?" "That's what divergence is isn't it?" says Caleb. "Basically," I say.

"**Typically each stage eliminates one or more of the factions, but in your case, only two have been ruled out."**

**I stare at her. "Two?" I ask. My throat is so tight it's hard to talk. "If you had shown an automatic distaste for the knife and selected the cheese, would have lead you to a different scenario that confirmed your aptitude for Amity. That didn't happen, which is why Amity is out." Tori scratches the back of her neck. "Normally, the simulation progresses in a linear fashion, isolating one faction by ruling out the rest. The choices you made didn't even allow Candor, the next possibility, to be ruled out, so I had to alter the simulation to put you on the bus. And there your insistence upon dishonesty ruled out Candor." She half smiles. "Don't worry about that. Only the Candor tell the truth in that one."**

**One of the knots in my chest loosens. Maybe I'm not an awful person.**

"Ray of sunshine," mumbles Zeke.

"**I suppose that's not entirely true. People who tell the truth are the Candor… and the Abnegation," she says, "Which gives us a problem."**

**My mouth falls open. "On the one hand, you threw yourself on the dog rather than let it attack the little girl, which is an Abnegation-oriented response… but on the other, when the told you the truth would save him, you still refused to tell it. Not an Abnegation-oriented response." She sighs. "Not running from the dog suggests Dauntless, but so does taking the knife which you didn't do."**

**She clears her throat and continues. "Your intelligent response to the dog indicates a strong alignment with the Erudite. I have no idea what to make of your indecision in stage one, but-"**

"I do," says Caleb, "It means she's too stubborn for her own good." "Agreed." everyone says.

"**Wait," I interrupt her. "So you have no idea what my aptitude is?" "Yes and no. My conclusion," she explains, "is that you display equal aptitude for Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite.**

"I didn't know it was possible to get three," says Uriah. I forgot he was divergent as well. "But you knew it was possible to get two?" asks Lynn suspiciously. "I didn't get more than one aptitude during the test," he says, "But, it did show up in stage two. Four explained a bit about it to me," Will's head turns to me. "Wait," he says, "how did you know about divergence?" I roll my eyes at him. For a former Erudite, he's not always that smart. "How do you think?" Caleb's eyes flash in understanding. "You're divergent too," says Caleb. He knows he's right, so I don't say anything.

**People who get this kind of result are…" She looks over her shoulder like she expects someone to appear behind her. "... are called… Divergent." She says the last word so quietly that I almost don't hear it, and her tense, worried look returns. She walks around the side of the chair and leans in close to me. **

"**Beatrice," she says, "under no circumstances should you share that information with anyone. This is very important."**

"Yet here you are sharing that info with nine people," says Lynn dryly. "Why did Tori say that?" asks Caleb. "If certain people had found out about Tris's divergence," I say, "She probably would have been killed." Caleb's eyes go wide. "Would they have killed you or Uriah if they had found about you guys as well?" asks Zeke. I nod my head. "However," I say, "Tris was in more danger because her divergence is stronger than mine or Uriah's." Caleb puts his head in his hands. Apparently, the knowledge his sister was in serious danger of being murdered is too much for him to handle.

"**We aren't supposed to share our results." I nod. "I know that." "No." Tori kneels down next to the chair and places her arms on the armrest. Our faces are inches apart. "This is different. I don't mean you shouldn't share them now; I mean you shouldn't share them with anyone, ever, no matter what happens. Divergence is extremely dangerous. You understand?"**

**I don't understand- how could inconclusive test results be dangerous?- but I still nod. I don't want to share my test results with anyone anyway.**

"**Okay." I peel my hands from the arms of the chair and stand. I feel unsteady. "I suggest," Tori says, "that you go home. You have a lot of thinking to do, and waiting with the others may not benefit you." **

"**I have to tell my brother where I'm going." "I'll let him know."**

"So that's why you left," says Caleb, "I was worried." "You were?" asks Tris. He nods. "Aww," says Christina. "Such a beautiful brother- sister relationship," says Zeke. His eyes well up with fake tears. "Not as beautiful as our brotherly relationship though Uri." Uriah nods his head. "True, but to be fair, what relationship can compare Zekey?"

**I touch my forehead and stare at the floor as I walk out of the room. I can't bear to look her in the eye. I can't bear to think about the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow. It's my choice now, no matter what the test says. Abnegation. Dauntless. Erudite. Divergent.**

"Dun Dun Dunnnnn!" yells Uriah. Lynn throws a pillow at him. "Shut up and read!" she snaps angrily.

**I decide not to take the bus. If I get home early, my father will notice when he checks the house log at the end of the day, and I'll have to explain what happened. Instead I walk. I'll have to intercept Caleb before he can tell anything to our parents, but Caleb can keep a secret. I walk in the middle of the road. The buses tend to hug the curb, so it's safer here. Sometimes, on the streets near my house, I can see places where the yellow lines used to be. We have no use for them now that there are so few cars. We don't need stoplights either, but in some places they dangle precariously over the road like they might crash down any minute.**

**Renovation moves slowly through the city, which is a patchwork of new, clean buildings and old, crumbling ones. Most of the new buildings are next to the marsh, which used to be a lake a long time ago. The Abnegation volunteer agency my mother works for is responsible for most of those renovations. **

**When I look at the Abnegation lifestyle as an outsider, I think it's beautiful. When I watch my family move in harmony; when we go to dinner parties and everyone cleans together afterward without having to be asked; when I see Caleb help stranger carry their groceries, I fall in love with this life all over again. It's only when I try to live it myself that I have trouble. It never feels genuine.**

Caleb sighs. "It never felt genuine for me either," he says.

**But choosing a different means I forsake my family. Permanently.**

**Just past the Abnegation sector of the city is the stretch of building skeletons and broken sidewalks I now walk through. There are places where the road has completely collapsed, revealing sewer systems and empty subways I have to be careful to avoid, and places that stink so powerfully of sewage and trash that I have to plug my nose.**

**This is where the factionless live. Because the failed to complete into whatever faction they chose, they live in poverty, doing the work no one else wants to do. They are janitors and construction worker and trash collectors; they make fabric and operate trains and drive buses. In return for their work they get food and clothing, but, as my mother says, not enough of either.**

**I see a factionless man standing on the corner up ahead. He wears ragged brown clothing and skin sags from his jaws. He stares at me, and I stare back at him, unable to look away.**

It's impolite to stare," says Zeke. "It's impolite to break into people's apartments," Tris shoots back.

"**Excuse me," he says. His voice is raspy. "Do you have something I can eat?" I feel a lump in my throat. A stern voice in my head says, **_**Duck your head and keep walking. **_**No. I shake my head. I should not be afraid of this man. He needs help and I am supposed to help him. "Um… yes," I say. I reach into my bag. My father tells me to keep food in my bag at all times for exactly this reason. I offer the man a small bag of dried apple slices. He reaches for them, but instead of taking the bag, his hand closes around my wrist. He smiles at me. He has a gap in his front teeth. "My, don't you have pretty eyes," he says. "It's a shame that the rest of you is so plain."**

I take a deep breath and let it out through clenched teeth. It's taking quite a bit of my self control to not go out and find this guy. Tris grabs my left hand with her left and squeezes it reassuringly.

**My heart pounds. I tug my hand back, but his grip tightens. I smell something arcid and unpleasant on his breath. "You look a little young to be walking around by yourself, dear," he says. I stop tugging and stand up straighter. **

"Here comes the stubbornness," mumbles Caleb. Tris just glares at her brother.

**I know I look young; I don't need to be reminded. "I'm older than I look," I retort, "I'm sixteen." His lips spread wide, revealing a gray molar with a dark pit in the side. I can't tell he's smiling or grimacing. "Then isn't today a special day for you? The day before you choose?" "Let go of me," I say. I hear ringing in my ears. My voice sounds clear and stern- not what I expected to hear. I feel like it doesn't belong to me. **

**I am ready. I know what to do. I picture myself bringing my elbow back and hitting him. I see the bag of apples flying away from me. I hear my running footsteps. I am prepared to act. But then he releases my wrist, takes the apples, and says, "Choose wisely, little girl."**

"Done," says Uriah. He doesn't sound as chipper as he did when he started this chapter. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" asks Caleb. Tris looks at her brother. "I had other things on my mind," she says shrugging, "I had honestly forgotten all about it."

"Who wants to read next?" asks Uriah. "I will," says Caleb firmly, "Something tells me that the further we get into this book, the worse it's going to be." Caleb gets up and takes the book from Uriah. He turns to the correct page while walking back to his seat. "Chapter 4…"

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

**I reach my street five minutes before I usually do, according to my watch- which is the only adornment Abnegation allows, and only because it's practical. It has a fray band and a glass face. If I tilt it right, I can almost see my reflection over the hands.**

"Really? I didn't know that glass reflects," says Uriah sarcastically. "I know where you keep your pop-tarts," says Tris menacingly. Uriah turns pale and looks at Tris with a horrified expression on his face.

**The houses on my street are all the same size and shape. They are made of grey cement, with few windows, in economical, no nonsense rectangles. Their lawns are crabgrass and their lawns are dull metal. To some their sight is gloomy, but to me their simplicity in comforting. The reason for the simplicity isn't disdain for uniqueness, as the other factions have sometimes interpreted it. Everything- our houses, our clothes, our hairstyles- is meant to help protect us from vanity, greed, and envy, which are just forms of selfishness. If we have little, and we are all equal, we envy no one.**

"I can see how that would be nice," says Shauna thoughtfully.

**I try to love it. **

**I sit on the front step and wait for Caleb to arrive. It doesn't take long. After a minute, I see gray-robed figures walking down the street. I hear laughter. At school we try not to draw attention to ourselves, but once we're home, the games and jokes start. My natural tendency toward sarcasm is still not appreciated. Sarcasm is always at someone's expense. Maybe it's better that Abnegation wants me to suppress it. Maybe I don't have to leave my family. Maybe if I fight to Abnegation work, my act will turn into reality.**

"**Beatrice!" Caleb says. "What happened? Are you all right?"**

"Aww!" says Christina.

"**I'm fine." He is with Susan and her brother, Robert, and Susan is giving me a strange look, like I am a different person than the one she knew this morning. I shrug. "When the test was over, I got sick. Must have been the liquid that they gave us. I feel better now, though." I try to smile convincingly. I seem to have persuaded Susan and Robert, who no longer look concerned for my mental stability, but Caleb narrows his eyes at me, the way he does when he suspects someone of duplicity.**

"**Did you two take the bus today?" I ask. I don't care how Susan and Robert got home from school, but I need to change the subject.**

"I noticed that," says Caleb rolling his eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be reading?" snaps Tris.

"**Our father had to work later," Susan says, "and he told us we should spend some time thinking before the ceremony tomorrow." My heart pounds at the mention of the ceremony. "You're welcome to come over later, if you'd like," Caleb says politely. "Thank you." Susan smiles at Caleb. Robert raises an eyebrow at me. He and I have been exchanging looks for the past year as Susan and Caleb flirt in the tentative way known only to Abnegation.**

"We weren't flirting!" sputters Caleb. "Caleb," I say, "It was obvious even to me that you two were flirting." Caleb's face turns a dark shade of red at that and he turns back to the book to try to hide his embarrassment.

**Caleb's eyes follow Susan down the walk.**

Will, who is sitting on the other side of Caleb, nudges him with his elbow and waggles his eyebrows. Caleb's face gets even redder. It's pretty amusing seeing him so embarrassed.

**I have to grab his arm to startle him from his gaze. I lead him into the house and close the door behind us. He turns to me. His dark, straight eyebrows draw together so that a crease appears between them. When he frowns, he looks more like my mother than my father. In an instant I can see him living the same kind of life my father did: staying in Abnegation, learning a trade, marrying Susan, and having a family. It will be wonderful. I may not see it. **

"**Are you going to tell the truth now?" he asks softly. "The truth is," I say, "I'm not supposed to discuss it. And you're not supposed to ask." "All those rules you bend, and you can't bend this one? Not even for something this important?" His eyebrows tug together, and he bites the corner of his lip. Though his words are accusatory, it sounds like he is probing me for information- like he actually wants my answer. **

"Of course I did," says Caleb, "You're my sister, and I care about what happens to you." Tris smiles at him and shifts out of my grasp so she can give her brother a side hug. "I care about what happens to you too," she says. They smile at each other. I'm glad they'll be able to visit each other now. Tris scoots back over to me and we go back to how we were sitting.

**I narrow my eyes. "Will you? What happened in **_**your **_**test Caleb?" Our eyes meet. I hear a train horn, so faint it could easily be wind whistling in an alleyway. But I know it when I hear it. It sound like the Dauntless, calling me to them.**

"Trissssss," whispers Uriah, "come joinnnnn usssssssssss." "What are you doing?" asks Lynn. "I'm adding sound effects," he says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Lynn makes a gesture to Marlene, who then smacks Uriah upside the head. "What was that for?" he asks angrily. Lynn high fives Marlene. "Would you rather have Lynn hit you?" Marlene asks raising her eyebrow. "No," grumbles Uriah.

"**Just… don't tell our parents what happened, okay?" I say. His eyes stay on mine for a few seconds, and then he nods. I want to go upstairs and lie down. The test, the walk, and the encounter with the factionless man exhausted me. But my brother made breakfast this morning, and my mother prepared our lunches, and my dad made dinner last night, so it is my turn to cook. I breathe deeply and walk into the kitchen to start cooking. **

**A minute later, Caleb joins me. I grit my teeth. He helps with everything. What irritates me the most about him is his natural goodness, his inborn selflessness.**

"I'm not sure weather to be mad that you said I'm irritating, or flattered because you said I have natural goodness," says Caleb. I groan. "Now he's going to have an even bigger ego," I say jokingly. "I have a big ego for good reasons," says Caleb smugly.

**Caleb and I work together without speaking. I cook peas on the stove. He defrosts four pieces of chicken. Most of what we eat is frozen or canned, because farms these days are far away. My mother told me that once, a long time ago, there were people who wouldn't buy genetically engineered produce because they viewed it as unnatural. Now we have no other option.**

**By the time my parents get home, dinner is ready and the table is set. My father drops his bag at the door and kisses my head. Other people see him as an opinionated man- too opinionated, maybe- but he's also loving. I try to see only the good in him; I try.**

"Everyone has faults. Well, everyone except me," I say, smirking. Multiple people roll their eyes. "I'm so lucky that I have such a humble boyfriend," says Tris sarcastically. "And he's handsome, and smart, and could kick Eric's ass any day…" I say trailing off at the end. "And modest," says Tris, "Don't forget that he's really modest."

"**How did the test go?" he asks me. I pour the peas into the serving bowl. "Fine," I say. I couldn't be Candor. I lie too easily. **

"**I heard there was some kind of upset with one of the tests," my mother says. Like my father, she works for the government, but she manages city improvement projects. She recruited volunteers to administer the aptitude test. Most of the time, though, she organizes workers to help the factionless with food and shelter and job opportunities. "Really?" says my father. A problem with the aptitude test is rare.**

"**I don't know much about it, but my friend Erin told me something went wrong with one of the tests, so the results had to be reported verbally." My mother places a napkin next to each plate on the table. "Apparently the student got sick and was sent home early." My mother shrugs. "I hope they're alright. Did you two hear about that?" "No," Caleb says. He smiles at my mother. My brother couldn't be Candor either.**

"No gratitude?" Caleb asks, sounding hurt, "I did just lie for you." "I knew you would," says Tris dismissively. "How?" "We had lied for each other in the past," she states. Tris seems to have an odd insistence upon dishonesty, especially by omission. She doesn't really trust anyone. Of course, I'm not one to talk. I've been best friends with Zeke for years and I still haven't told him about Marcus.

**We sit at the table. We always pass food to the right, and no one eats until everyone is served. My father extends his hands to my mother and brother, and they extend their hands to him and to me, and my father gives gives thanks to God for food and work and friends and family.**

"I didn't know you were religious Tris," says Marlene. "I don't really think about it. Are you still religious Caleb?" asks Tris turning to her brother. He shrugs. "Kind of?" Tris smiles at him. "Me too," she says. "Did you guys know Four is religious?" asks Zeke. "What?" say several people. Zeke nods his head vigorously. "I didn't know until I broke into his apartment last night. One of his walls says fear God alone." "Why didn't you ever tell me?" asks Shauna, sounding hurt. "It never came up," I say truthfully. Caleb looks at me suspiciously, like he might suspect which faction I came from. He'll probably figure it out before book Tris did.

**Not every Abnegation family is religious, but my father says we should not to see those differences because they will only divide us. I'm not sure what to make of that.**

"**So," my mother says to my father. "Tell me." She takes my father's hand and moves her thumb in a small circle over his knuckles. I stare at their joined hands. My parents love each other, but they rarely show affection like this in front of us."**

"Is that why you were so weird about Edward and Myra kissing?" asks Christina. Tris nods her head, she's blushing slightly and looks embarrassed. "I wasn't used to PDA either," says Caleb. Tris smiles at her brother. "Remember what I said when we first saw someone kiss?" she asks. Caleb laughs and says, "Why are they eating each other's faces?" Everyone laughs at this. "I never thought of it that way," says Shauna, "But it does look like that."

**They taught us that physical contact is powerful, so I have been wary of it since I was young.**

Caleb gives a pointed look in our direction. "Obviously you got over that," he says dryly.

"**Tell me what's bothering you," she adds. I stare at my plate. My mother** **acute senses sometimes surprise me, but now they chide me. Why was I so focused on myself that I didn't notice his deep frown and sagging posture?**

"How dare your thoughts be preoccupied with stuff," says Zeke.

**"I had a difficult day at work," he says. "Well, really, it was Marcus who had the difficult day. I shouldn't lay claim to it." **

I automatically tense at his name. I hate that he still does this to me. I hate that I can't get over my past. Tris looks up at me with a worried look on her face. She's right next to me, so she can hear how I've been forcing out even breaths. I pull her onto my lap. Her presence calms me, and I really need to calm down right now. She grabs my left hand with her left and laces our fingers together. I'm thankful that she doesn't ask if I'm okay, because it's pretty obvious I'm not.

**Marcus is my father's coworker; they are both political leaders. The city is ruled by a council of fifty people, composed entirely of representatives from Abnegation, because our faction is regarded as incorruptible, due to our commitment to selflessness. Our leaders are selected by their peers for their impeccable character, moral fortitude, and leadership skills.**

Marcus doesn't have impeccable character or moral fortitude, but he does have leadership skills. He can be extremely charming when he wants to be too.

**Representatives from each of the other factions can speak in meetings on behalf of a particular issue, but ultimately, the decision is the council's. And while the council technically makes decisions together, Marcus is particularly influential.**

Unfortunatly. I never understood how he could keep the perfect Abnegation member and the cruel monster only I saw separate.

**"Is this about the report Jeanine Matthews released?" my mother says. Jeanine Matthews is Erudite's sole representative, selected based on her IQ score. **

They should probably change that. After all, there is a fine line between genius and crazy, and Jeanine definitely straddled that line as many geniuses do.

**My father complains about her often.**

**I look up. "A report?"**

**Caleb gives me a warning look. We aren't supposed to speak at the dinner table unless our parents ask us a direct question, and they usually don't. Our listening ears are a gift to them, my father says. They give us listening ears after dinner, in the family room.**

**"Yes," my father says. His eyes narrow. "Those arrogant, self-righteous-" He stops and clears his throat. "Sorry. But she released a report attacking Marcus's character." I raise my eyebrows. "What did it say?" I ask.**

**"Beatrice," Caleb says quietly. I duck my head, turning my fork over and over and over until the warmth leaves my cheeks. I don't like to be chastised. Especially by my brother.**

"Then maybe you should have listened to me," says Caleb. He glances at his sister and then does a double take. "When did you get on his lap?" he asks. Everyone looks in our direction. "Whoa!" say Uriah, "You guys are like ninjas!" "I've been on his lap for awhile," says Tris, shrugging. Caleb sighs. While he may be fine with our relationship, I can tell he doesn't really like seeing Tris on my lap. I don't care. He needs to stop seeing Tris as his Abnegation little sister, and start seeing her as his sister who is a full member of Dauntless.

**"It said," my father says, "that Marcus's violence and cruelty towards his son is the reason his son chose Dauntless over Abnegation."**

Well, Erudite did get _something _right. Caleb looks at me suspiciously again. I think he knows who I am, he's just waiting until he's got a little bit more proof.

**Few people who are born into Abnegation choose to leave it. When they do, we remember. Two years ago, Marcus's son, Tobias, left us for the Dauntless, and Marcus was devastated.**

Devastated that he no longer had a punching bag maybe.

**Tobias was his only child- and his only family, since his wife died giving birth to their second child. The infant died minutes later.**

I'm not entirely convinced that my mother died only from giving birth. I wouldn't be surprised if Marcus added to the complications with the birth before it actually happened. I'm not sure how to feel about the infant. I would have been an older brother. It' hard for me to wrap my head around how my life would have been different with a mother and younger sibling. Would we have as strong of a bond as Tris and Caleb?

**I never met Tobias. He rarely attended community events and never joined his father at our house for dinner. My father often remarked that it was strange, but now it doesn't matter.**

Tris winces at this, but her past self is right. Dwelling too much on what could have been is bad for a person.

"**Cruel? Marcus?" My mother shakes her head. "That poor man. As if he needs to be reminded of his loss."**

I can't blame Tris' mother for feeling like that, Marcus was an incredible actor.

"**Of his son's betrayal, you mean?" my father says coldly.**

I scowl. I'm not the betrayer. Marcus betrayed me when he first raised his belt to me and said the six words that changed my life. "_This is for your own good."_

**"I shouldn't be surprised at this point. The Erudite have been attacking us with these reports for months. And this isn't the end. There will be more, I guarantee it."**

**I shouldn't speak again, but I can't help myself. I blurt out, "Why are they doing this?" **"**Why don't you take this opportunity to listen to your father, Beatrice?" my mother says gently. It is phrased like a suggestion, not a command. I look across the table at Caleb, who has that look of disapproval in his eyes.**

**I stare at my peas. I am not sure I can live this life of obligation any longer. I am not good enough.**

"More like you're too stubborn, sarcastic, and curious for it," I say into her ear, soft enough that no one else can hear. "Like you have any room to talk," she says while rolling her eyes.

"**You know why," my father says. "Because we have something they want. Valuing knowledge above all else results in a lust for power, and that leads men into dark and empty places. We should be thankful that we know better."**

**I nod. I know I will not choose Erudite, even though my test results suggested I could. I am my father's daughter.**

**My parents clean up after dinner. They don't even let Caleb help them, because we're supposed to keep to ourselves tonight instead of gathering in the family room, so we can think about our results.**

**My family might be able to help me choose, if I could talk about my results. But I can't. Tori's warning whispers in my memory every time my resolve to keep my mouth shut falters.**

Good. At least she wasn't naïve enough to sharing her results with three people whose position on the Divergent she didn't know.

**Caleb and I climb the stairs and, at the top, when we divide to go to our separate bedrooms, he stops me with a hand on my shoulder.**

"**Beatrice," he says, looking sternly into my eyes. "We should think of our family." There is an edge in his voice. "But. But we must also think of ourselves." For a moment I stare at him. I have never seen him think of himself, never heard him insist on anything but selflessness.**

**I am so startled by his comment that I just say what I am supposed to say: "The tests don't have to change our choices." He smiles a little. "Don't they, though?"**

**He squeezes my shoulder and walks into his bedroom. I peer into his room and see an unmade bed and a stack of books on his desk.**

Tris groans. "I can't believe I couldn't figure out you were going to choose Erudite!" she says. "Well, I didn't figure out that you were going to choose Dauntless even though I had seen you watching them a couple times," he says.

**He closes the door. I wish I could tell him that we're going through the same thing. I wish I could speak to him like I want to instead of like I'm supposed to. But the idea of admitting that I need help is too much to bear, so I turn away.**

"You can always turn to me for help," says Caleb frowning. Tris smiles and nods at him.

**I walk into my room, and when I close my door behind me, I realize that the decision might be simple. It will require a great act of selflessness to choose Abnegation, or a great act of courage to choose Dauntless, and maybe just choosing one over the other will prove that I belong. Tomorrow, those two qualities will struggle within me, and only one can win.**

"That's the end of the chapter," says Caleb. "Finally," says Lynn. Zeke's and Uriah's stomachs grumble simultaneously. "Why don't we take a break for lunch?" I suggest. Everyone concedes. Everyone but Tris and I get up and leave. Caleb turns around and looks at us. "Are you guys coming?" "We'll catch up," says Trs. Caleb looks between the two of us then turns towards the door. "Just remember I'm too young to be an Uncle," says Caleb as he leaves. "Caleb!" shrieks Tris at his back.

I wait a second for her to calm down. "How are you doing?" I ask. She sighs. "It's kind of embarrassing to have my thoughts read aloud to all my friends," she admits. "I can imagine that would be pretty awful." I agree. She turns around so she is straddling me, and looks me in the eyes.

"How are you going to be?" she asks. "I don't know," I say, "The only one who I've told who I am is you." "Why?" she asks. "I don't want to be pitied." I look down when I say this. It's cowardly for that to be my reason not to tell my best friend about my past. "Hey," Tris says. I still don't look up at her. I can't. "Hey," she says again. This time she puts her hand under my chin and forces me to look at her. "You won't be pitied," she says, "You're not a very pitiable person after all, -ranked-initiate-with-four-fears." I smile at her.

She drops her hand from my face. "Now, we really need to decide what we're going to do... about certain… parts," she says. "What parts?" "Like in the chasm and on the train," she says nervously. She has a point. I don't want anyone reading that stuff, especially her brother. It may make him rethink being okay with me. ""We could take the book away from them right before those moments and skip over those parts." I suggest. "Okay." "Or," I say, smirking, "we could do a reenactment." "Tobias!" she says hitting me lightly on the chest. I chuckle.

"Let's go," she says, "I'm starving." She gets off my lap and waits off to the side as I get up. "Come on," she says grabbing one of my hands. We walk to the cafeteria, get food, and go sit with everyone else.

"You guys did remember what I said earlier?" asks Caleb suspiciously. I laugh and Tris blushes. "We just talked!" she huffs. Christina starts to take an interest in the conversation. "What did you tell them?" "That I'm too young to be an uncle," says Caleb while laughing. Christina starts laughing as well. "It's not funny Chris!" says Tris. She's still blushing. "You know," I say, "you're pretty cute when you blush." That just makes her blush more. "Good job Four!" says Christina. She high-fives me. "Everyone's out to get me!" exclaims Tris. "Yep," I say.

After everyone is done eating, we head back to Zeke's place. Everyone settles back down into their spots. Tris is about to sit next to me, but I pull her back onto my lap. "Hey guys," I say, "we have a rule regarding this book." "What?" asks Shauna. "Tris or myself can stop the reading at any time and take the book." "Why?" asks Caleb. "There are some things a brother shouldn't hear," says Tris simply. "Does everyone understand?" I ask. Everyone voices their consent.

"Who wants to read next?" asks Caleb. No one is volunteering so I say, "I will." Caleb passes me the book. I hold it in my left hand and Tris's waist in the other. "Chapter 5…"

**Author's note: Thanks to all of y'all who have reviewed! I really love to hear what you guys think. Ok so, one of the people asked where Peter is. Peter, and any other people who I didn't mention were there in the first chapter, will not be reading the book with the group. They may appear when the group goes to eat or whatever, but I'm not so sure they will. Sorry if you guys wanted Peter or someone else there, but I didn't think I'd be able to come up with dialogue for that many people, and I don't think Tris (or 4) would let anyone else read that book (especially Peter).**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT **


	5. Chapter 5

5

**The bus we take to get to the Choosing Ceremony is full of people in gray shirts and gray slacks. A pale ring of sunlight burns into the clouds like the end of a lit cigarette. I will never smoke one myself- they are closely tied to vanity- but a crowd of Candor smokes them in front of the building when we get off the bus.**

**I have to tilt my head back to see the top of the Hub, and even then, part of it disappears into the clouds. It is the tallest building in the city. I can see the lights on the two prongs of its roof from my bedroom window.**

**I follow my parents off the bus. Caleb seems calm, but so would I, if I knew what I was going to do. **

**Instead I get the distinct impression that my heart will burst out of my chest any minute now and I grab his arm to steady myself as I walk up the front steps.**

**The elevator is crowded, so my father volunteers to give a cluster of Amity our place. We climb the stairs instead, following him unquestioningly. We set an example for our fellow faction members, and soon the three of us are engulfed in the mass of gray fabric ascending cement stairs in the half life. I settle into their pace. The uniform pounding of feet in my ears and the homogeneity of the people around me makes me believe that I could choose this. I could be subsumed into Abnegation's hive mind, projecting always outward.**

**But then my legs get sore, and I struggle to breathe, and I am again distracted by myself.**

"Yes, how dare you feel discomfort," says Zeke.

**We have to climb twenty flights of stairs to get to the Choosing Ceremony.**

**My father holds the door open on the twentieth floor and stands like a sentry as every Abnegation walks past him. I would wait for him, but the crowd presses me forward, out of the stairwell and into the room where I will decide the rest of my life.**

**The room is arranged in concentric circles. On the edges stand the sixteen-year-olds of every faction. We are not called members yet; our decisions today will make us initiates, and we will become members if we complete initiation.**

**We arrange ourselves in alphabetical order, according to the last names we may leave behind today. I stand between Caleb and Danielle Pohler, an Amity girl with rosy cheeks and a yellow dress.**

**Rows of chairs for our families make up the next circle. They are arranged in five sections, according to faction. Not everyone in each faction comes to the Choosing Ceremony, but enough of them come that the crowd looks huge.**

**The responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotates from faction to faction each year, and this year is Abnegations'. Marcus will give the opening address and read the names in reverse alphabetical order. Caleb will choose before me.**

**In the last circle are five metal bowls so large they could hold my entire body, if I curled up. Each one contains a substance that represents each faction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor.**

**When Marcus calls my name, I will walk to the center of the three circles. I will not speak. He will offer me a knife. I will cut into my hand and sprinkle my blood into the bowl of the faction I choose.**

"Why do they make us cut our hand?" asks Marlene, "I'm sure someone has cut too deep before, or fainted at the sight of blood." "I'm not sure," Caleb says. His tone makes me suspect he is intent on finding out.

**My blood on the stones. My blood sizzling on the coals.**

**Before my parents sit down, they stand in front of Caleb and me. My father kisses my forehead and claps Caleb on the shoulder, grinning.**

"**See you soon," he says. Without a trace of doubt.**

"I can understand how he might think you would stay Caleb, but it was pretty obvious I didn't fit in," says Tris.

**My mother hugs me, and what little resolve I have left almost breaks. I clench my jaw and stare up at the ceiling, where globe lanterns hang and fill the room with blue light. She holds me for what feels like a long time, even after I let my hands fall. Before she pulls away, she turns her head and whispers in my ear, "I love you. No matter what."**

Her mother seems nice. I feel kind of guilty about giving her grief on visiting day, but it was necessary.

**I frown at her back as she walks away. She knows what I might do. She must know, or she wouldn't feel the need to say that.**

**Caleb grabs my hand, squeezing my palm so tightly it hurts, but I don't let go. The last time we held hands was at my uncle's funeral, as my father cried. We need each other's strength now, just as we did then.**

"Do you miss him?" asks Christina. "No," says Tris, "I was never close to him. I was more upset by seeing my father and everyone crying." Caleb nods along with her. I decide to continue reading. I'm really looking forward to her jumping onto the net. After all, that is where she meets me.

**The room slowly comes to order. I should be observing the Dauntless; I should be taking in as much information as I can, but I can only stare at the lanterns across the room. I try to lose myself in the blue glow. **

"Abnegation," someone says/coughs.

**Marcus stands at the podium between the Erudite and the Dauntless and clears his throat into the microphone.**

I clear my own throat and try to ignore the writhing in my stomach that happens every time someone mentions him. Caleb glances in my way with an odd expression on his face. I think not only does he know who I am, but also that not all the Erudite articles are full of lies.

"**Welcome," he says. "Welcome to the choosing ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us every man**

"And woman!" interjects Lynn.

**has the right to chose his own way in the world.**

"A predetermined way," says Caleb.

**Or, it occurs to me, one of five predetermined ways. I squeeze Caleb's fingers as hard as he is squeezing mine.**

"Spooky!" say Zeke and Uriah in unison. "Can all siblings do that?" I ask. I just noticed that Marlene and myself are the only ones who don't have a sibling. "Yes," everyone says at once. "Freaky," Marlene says. I nod in agreement.

"**Our dependants are now sixteen. They stand at the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be." Marcus's voice is solemn and gives equal weight to each word. "Decades ago our ancestors realized it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that it was the fault of human personality- of mankind's inclination towards evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed were responsible for the world's disarray."**

**My eyes shift to the center of the room. What do I believe? I do not know, I do not know, I do not know.**

"**Those who blamed aggression formed Amity." The Amity exchange smiles. They are dressed comfortably, in red or yellow. Every time I see them they seem kind, loving, free. But joining them was never an option for me.**

"Why?" asks Will. "I don't think they would really approve of sarcasm," she says.

"**Those who blamed arrogance formed Erudite." Ruling out Erudite was the only part of my choice that was easy.**

"You never even considered it?" asks Caleb with a hurt look on his face. It seems that he's taking his sister's decision to not even consider Erudite as disapproval of his chosen faction. Tris must sense this too because she raises her eyebrows and says, "Did you ever consider Dauntless?" Caleb laughs at that. "No way."

"**Those who blamed duplicity created Candor." I have never liked Candor.**

"That makes two of us," I say. "Three," says Christina. Everyone looks at her. "What?" she asks, "If I did like it, I wouldn't have left." Everyone laughs. It's not like I'm friends with Christina, but her honesty is quite refreshing sometimes. Although, sometimes it's pretty irritating.

"**Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation." I blame selfishness; I do.**

"**And those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless." **

Zeke and Uriah cheer.

**But I am not selfless enough. Sixteen years of trying and I am not enough. My legs go numb, like all the life has drained out of them, and I wonder how I will walk when my name is called.**

"Well you see," says Uriah, "To walk you put one foot in front of the other." Tris motions to Marlene who then smacks Uriah upside the head. "Don't be such a smartass Uri," says Tris. Uriah just rubs the back of his head and scoots away from Marlene.

"**Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. Abnegation has fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government; Candor has provided us with trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite has supplied us with intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity has given us understanding counselors and caretakers; and Dauntless has provided us with protection from within and without. But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarized. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life."**

**I think of the motto in I read in my Factions history textbook: faction before blood. More than our family, our factions are where we belong. Can that possibly be right?**

"Factions can't separate family ties," says Caleb. "No they can't," says Tris. She smiles and takes one of Caleb's hands. They smile at each other and stay like that for a moment before they drop hands. "Such a beautiful relationship!" Zeke and Uriah say while fake crying. Tris and Caleb roll their eyes at them and Tris motions for me to keep reading.

**Marcus adds, "Apart from them we would not survive."**

"The factionless would beg to differ," I point out. Tris nods. It's interesting how much she changed in just a few short weeks.

**The silence that follows his words is heavier than other silences. It is heavy with our worst fear, greater than the fear of death: to be factionless.**

"Overdramatic much?" I ask. Tris rolls her eyes. "Like you're never a drama queen." I scoff. "Me? A drama queen? If anything, I'd be the drama supreme ruler," I say overdramatically. "Case in point," she says, smirking up at me.

**Marcus continues, "Therefore today marks a happy occasion- the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world"**

**A round of applause. It sounds muffled. I try to stand completely still, because if my knees are locked and my body is stiff, I don't shake. Marcus reads the first names, but I can't one syllable from the other. How will I know when he calls my name? **

"Why were you that nervous?" Caleb asks. "I hadn't made a decision yet," Tris replies. "When did you make the decision?" asks Uriah. "When I got up there," Tris says sheepishly. And I thought _I_ left things to the last minute.

**One by one, each sixteen year old steps out of line and walks to the middle of the room. The first girl to choose decides Amity, the same faction from which she came. I watch her blood droplets fall on the soil, and she stand behind their seats alone. **

**The room is constantly moving, a new name and a new person choosing, a new knife and a new choice. I recognize most of them, but I doubt they know me.**

"**James Tucker," Marcus says.**

"Didn't he transfer?" Uriah asks. "I think so," says Marlene. I think I met James once. He didn't really seem to fit in with the other Dauntless that well.

**James of the Dauntless is the first person to stumble on his way to the bowls. He throws his arms and regains his balance before hitting the floor. His face turns red and he walks fast to the middle of the room. When he stands in the center, he looks from the Dauntless bowl to the Candor bowl- the orange flames that rise higher each moment, and the glass reflecting blue light.**

**Marcus offers him the knife. He breathes deeply- I watch his chest rise- and, as he exales, he accepts the knife. Then he drags it across his palm with a jerk and holds his arm out to the side. His blood falls onto glass, and he is the first of us to switch factions. The first faction transfer. A mutter rises from the Dauntless section, and I stare at the floor.**

**They will see him as a traitor from now on. His Dauntless family will have the option of visiting him in his new faction, a week and a half from now on Visiting Day, but they won't, because he left them. His absence will haunt their hallways, and he will be a space they can't fill. And then time will pass, and the hole will be gone, like when an organ is removed and the body's fluids flow into the space it leaves behind. Humans can't tolerate emptiness for long. **

"You and Four are actually really deep," says Uriah. Tris raises her shoulder. "Just because you're only as deep as a teaspoon, doesn't mean everyone else is as well." Lynn air-fives Tris- she's sitting too far away to actually high-five her. "Y'all are out to get me," says Uriah. "Yep," we say.

"**Caleb Prior," says Marcus.**

**Caleb squeezes my hand one last time, and as he walks away, casts a long look at me over his shoulder. I watch his feet move to the center of the room, and his hands, steady as they accept the knife from Marcus, are deft as one presses the knife into the other. Then he stands with blood pooling in his palm, and his lip snags on his teeth. He breathes out. And then in. And then he holds his hand over the Erudite bowl, and his blood drips into the water, turning it a deeper shade of red. **

**I hear mutters that lift into outraged cries. I can barely think straight. My brother, my selfless brother, a faction transfer? My brother, born to be Abnegation, Erudite? **

"We get it," says Lynn, "It was a real shocker." Lynn's usually pretty okay, but she can be really rude. Like she's being now. "Wouldn't you be surprised if Shauna switched factions?" asks Tris. "But she wouldn't," says Lynn. "That's what I thought about Caleb," says Tris quietly. Lynn thinks about it for a moment, then gives a nod of understanding.

**When I close my eyes, I see the stack of books on Caleb's desk, and his shaking hands sliding down his legs after the aptitude test. Why didn't I realize that when he told me to think of myself yesterday, he was also giving that advice to himself?**

**I scan the crowd of Erudite- they wear smug smiles and nudge each other. The Abnegation, normally so placid, speak to one another in tense whispers and glare across the room at the faction that has become our enemy.**

"**Excuse me," says Marcus, but the crowd doesn't hear him. He shouts, "Quiet, please!" The room goes silent. Except for a ringing sound.**

"Ringing?" asks Will. "I was hearing things," says Tris dismissively.

**I hear my name and a shudder propels me forward. Halfway to the bowls, I am sure I will choose Abnegation. I can see it now. I watch myself grow into a woman in Abnegation robes, marrying Susan's brother, Robert,**

I feel jealousy coursing through me. "Robert huh?" says Christina suggestively. I've never wanted to punch Christina as much as I do right now. "He was the only guy I knew besides my brother," says Tris, "Besides, even if I had stayed, I wouldn't have married him. He transferred to Amity." "The one you talked to at the fence?" I ask. Tris nods. "You saw Robert? How was he?" asks Caleb. "He seemed happy. Of course, you'll hear our full conversation later." she says. "Oh yeah," Caleb blushes a little. Must run in the family.

I still feel a little on the jealous side for some reason. Tris looks back at me. "You know it was just a passing thought right?" she asks quietly. I don't quite believe her, but I still say, "Yeah." She sighs and leans her head against my shoulder. "You can be so jealous sometimes Tobias." I guess that's true, but it's for good reason. Despite what she thinks, I know that there are at least a couple guys who want to be with her.

**volunteering on the weekends, the peace of routine, the quiet nights in front of the fireplace, the certainty that I will be sage, and if not good enough, better than I am now.**

"That sounds so boring," says Uriah. There are multiple nods of agreement. "I can't believe I'm saying this," says Lynn, "but I actually agree with Uriah." There is silence in the room. I can't believe Lynn said that. "Are you sure that's your sister Shauna?" asks Zeke. Lynn grabs a pillow that's by her and chucks it at Zeke, hitting him in the face. "That's Lynn alright." says Uriah, laughing. Zeke glare at his brother and hugs the pillow Lynn threw at him. "Whatever," he grumbles.

**The ringing, I realize, is in my ears. **

**I look at Caleb, who now stands behind the Erudite. He stares back at me and nods a little, like he knows what I'm thinking, and agrees. My footsteps falter. If Caleb wasn't fit for Abnegation, how can I be? But what choice do I have, now that he left us and I'm the only one who remains? He didn't leave me any other option.**

"I nodded because I wanted you to join the faction you wanted!" says Caleb with a pained expression on his face. "Obviously I did," Tris says dismissively. "Yeah but-" Tris cuts him off. "Why don't we agree to just not hold the past against each other?" Caleb nods.

**I set my jaw. I will be the child that stays. I have to do this for my parents. I have to. Marcus offers me the knife. I look into his eyes- they are dark blue, a strange color-**

Both Zeke and Caleb look at my eyes. They definitely know now. I have his eyes after all.

**and take it. He nods and I turn towards the bowls. Dauntless fire and Abnegation stone are both on my left, one in front of my shoulder and one behind. I hold the knife in my right hand and touch the blade to my palm. Gritting my teeth, I drag the blade down. It stings, but I barely notice. I hold both hands to my chest, and my next breath shudders on the way out.**

**I open my eyes and thrust my arms out. My blood drips onto the carpet between the two bowls. Then, with a gasp I can't contain, I shift my hand forward, and my blood sizzles on the coals. I am selfish. I am brave. **

Zeke and Uriah cheer. "End of the chapter," I say, "Who wants to read?" "I will!" Christina says. I pass it to Caleb, who passes it to Will, who passes it to Christina. "Chapter 6…"

**Author's note: **Okay so, something I haven't mentioned yet is that I am an atrociuos speller. If I make a ton of mistakes in a chapter, like six or seven, and they're really obvious, if you point them out to me, I'll fix them. I know I've said this, but thanks to all y'all who are reading this and reviewing and everything.

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	6. Chapter 6

**I train my eyes on the floor and stand behind the Dauntless-born initiates who chose to return to their own faction. They are all taller than I am, so even when I lift my head, I see only black-clothed shoulders,**

"Shorty," Uriah coughs/says. "Excuse me?" Tris said menacingly. Since I'm rather tall, our height difference is quite noticeable. Because of that height difference, most people assume that I'm the scary one. However, as Uriah seems to be finding out, that is not the case. Uriah looks at her fearfully. "I thought Four was the scary one!" he exclaims. I shake my head. "I'm not half as scary as she is."

Tris looks back at me and smirks. She leans back a bit and turns her head towards my ear. "And you'd better not forget it," she says. I have to suppress a shiver as her breath skims my ear. "Or what?" I say, turning towards her. I feel a smile tugging at my mouth. She meets my eyes, and I can see an evil smile on her lips. "You may find yourself on a zipline and without Dauntless cake for a month." I feel my eyes go wide and the smile leave my face. The truly scary thing is, is that I can tell she's at least kind of serious.

Uriah notices the look on my face. "What's wrong man? You look like you've just seen pure evil." Tris's smirk gets even more smug- something I hadn't thought possible. "I just threatened him," she says sweetly. Everyone but Tris and Lynn look at me with pity. Lynn just air-fives Tris.

**When the last girl make her choice- Amity- it's time to leave. The Dauntless exit first. I walk past the gray- clothed men and women who were my factio, staring determinedly at the back of someone's head. **

**But I have to see my parents one last time. I look over my shoulder at the last second before I pass them, and immediately wish I hadn't. My father's eyes burn into mine with a look of accusation. **

**At first, when I feel the heat behind my eyes, I think he's found a way to set me on fire, to punish me for what I've done, but no- I am about to cry. **

I put my arms around Tris's waist, so I'm basically hugging her from behind, and rest my chin on her shoulder. Tris's family is important to her, so this memory is probably pretty painful. She turns her head toward me and buries her face into my neck. I hug her a little tighter, my forearms crossing on her stomach and my hands on her sides. I guess I've succeeded in making her feel a little bit better because I can feel her lips begin to smile against my neck.

**Beside him, my mother is smiling.**

Tris turns her face away from my neck. I take this as my cue to loosen my grip on her. I straighten up a bit- to rest my chin on her shoulder I had to slouch. Tris places her hands on my forearms and places a quick kiss on the underside of my jaw. I smile and look down at her, meeting her eyes. "Thank you." she mouths. She doesn't have to thank me. Without her I would be so much worse. I kiss the top of her head then turn my attention back to Christina.

**The people behind me press me forward, away from family, who will be the last ones to leave. They may even stack the chairs and help clean the bowls. I twist my head around to find Caleb in the crowd of Erudite behind me. He stands among the other initiates, shaking hands with a faction transfer, a boy who was Candor. The easy smile he wears is an act of betrayal. If it's so easy for him, maybe it should be easy for me, too. **

**I glance at the boy to my left, who was Erudite and now looks as pale and nervous as I should feel. I spent all my time worrying about which faction I would choose and never considered what would happen if I chose Dauntless. What waits for me at Dauntless headquarters. **

**The crowd of Dauntless leading us go to the stairs instead of the elevators. I thought only the Abnegation used the stairs. **

**Then everyone starts running. I hear whoops and shouts and laughter all around me, and dozens of thundering feet moving at different rhythms. It is not a selfless act to take the stairs; it is a wild act. **

"**What the hell is going on?" the boy next to me shouts.**

**I just shake my head and keep running. I am breathless when we reach the first floor, and the Dauntless burst through the exit. Outside, the air is crisp and cold and the sky is orange from the setting sun. I reflects off the black glass of the Hub.**

**The Dauntless sprawl out across the street, blocking the path of a bus, and I sprint to catch up to9 the back of the crowd. My confusion dissipates as I run. I have not run anywhere in a long time. Abnegation discourages anything done strictly for my enjoyment and that is what this is: my lungs burning, my muscles aching, the fierce pleasure of a flat-out sprint. **

**I follow the Dauntless down the street and around the corner and hear a familiar sound: the train horn.**

"**Oh no," mumbles the Erudite boy. "Are we supposed to hop on that thing?"**

Will blushes. I guess he was the Erudite boy Tris was referring to.

"**Yes," I say, breathless.**

**It is a good thing I spent so much time watching the Dauntless at school. The crowd spreads out in a long line. The train glides towards us on steel rails, its lights flashing, its horns blaring. The door of each car is open, waiting for the Dauntless to pile in, and they do, group by group, until only the new initiates are left. The Dauntless-born initiates are used to doing this by now, so in a second it's just faction transfers left.**

**I step forward with a few others and start jogging. We run next to the cars for a few steps and then throw ourselves sideways. I'm not as tall or as strong as some of them, so I can't pull myself into the car. I cling to a handle next to the doorway, my shoulder slamming against the car. My arms shake, and finally a Candor girl grabs me and pulls me in. **

"It's me!" squeals Christina.

**Gasping, I thank her.**

**I hear a shout and look over my shoulder. A short Erudite boy with red hair pumps his arms as he tries to catch up with the train. An Erudite girl by the door reaches out to grab the boy's hand, straining, but he is too far away. He falls to his knees next to the track as we train sail away, and puts his head in his hands. **

**I feel uneasy. He just failed Dauntless initiation. He is factionless now. It could happen at any moment.**

"**You alright?" the Candor girl who helped me asks briskly. She is tall, with dark brown skin and short hair. Pretty.**

"Awww. Thank you," Christina says. Everyone rolls their eyes at her. "Like you guys won't be happy when and if she compliments how you look," she snaps at us. "When am I going to be introduced?" Will whines. Tris thinks for a moment. "When we begin training, I think." Will pouts and mutters something about not being appreciated.

**I nod. **

"**I'm Christina," she says, offering me her hand. I haven't shaken a hand in a long time either. The Abnegation greeted one another by bowing heads, a sign of respect. I take her hand, uncertainly, and shake it twice, hoping I don't squeeze too hard or not hard enough. "Beatrice," I say.**

"**Do you know where we're going?" She has to shout over the wind, which blows harder through the open doors by the second. The train is picking up speed. It will be easier to keep my balance if I'm low to the ground. She raises an eyebrow at me. "A fast train means wind. Wind means falling out. Get down."**

"My sister is apparently a lot smarter than Erudite transfers," Caleb says. "I had other things on my mind!" Will says defensively. "Yeah like falling down," Christina says, smirking. Tris laughs. "Aren't you supposed to be reading or something?" Will asks gruffly.

**Christina sits next to me, inching back to lean against the wall. **

"**I guess we're going to Dauntless headquarters," I say, "but I don't know where that is." "Does anyone?" she shakes her head, grinning. "It's like they just popped out of a hole in the ground or something."**

**Then the wind rushes through the car, and the other faction transfers, hit with bursts of air, fall on top of one another. I watch Christina laugh without hearing her and manage a smile. **

**Over my left shoulder, orange light from the setting sun reflects off the glass buildings, and I can faintly see the row of gray houses that used to be my home.**

**It's Caleb's turn to make dinner tonight. Who will take his place- my mother or my father? And when they clear out his room, what will they discover? I imagine books jammed between the dresser and the wall, books under his mattress. The Erudite thirst for knowledge filling all the hidden places in his room. **

**Did he always know he would choose Erudite? And if he did know, how did I not notice? What a good actor he was.**

Caleb shifts uncomfortably in his seat. His transferring is obviously still a sore spot for him.

**The thought makes me sick to my stomach, because even though I left them too, at least I was no good at pretending. At least they all knew I wasn't selfless.**

**I close my eyes and picture my mother and father sitting in silence. Is it a lingering hint of selflessness that makes my throat tighten at the thought of them, or is it selfishness, because I know I will never be their daughter again? **

"Okay, you're really starting to depress me," Zeke says. "Does that mean you retract your dare?" Tris asks eagerly. "Of course not," Zeke scoffs, "I'm just telling you to be more positive." Tris is about to say something back, but then Christina interrupts them with an exclamation of "Page break!"

"**They're jumping off!" I lift my head. My neck aches. I have been curled up with my back against the wall for at least a half hour, listening to the roaring wind and watching the city smear past us.**

"The Erudite really should make faster trains," Christina whines, "Or at least more comfortable ones." "I'll talk to someone about it," Caleb promises.

**I sit forward. The train has slowed down in the last few minutes, and I see that the boy who shouted is right: The Dauntless in the cars ahead of us are jumping out as the train passess a rooftop. The tracks are seven stories up.**

**The idea of leaping out of a moving train onto a rooftop, knowing that there is a gap between the edge of the roof and the edge of the track, makes me want to throw up. **

Yet she climbs a ferris wheel without a second thought. It's official. I don't understand Tris.

**I push myself up and stumble to the opposite side of the car, where the faction transfers stand in a line. **

"**We have to jump off too, then," a Candor girl says. She has a large nose and crooked teeth. "Great," A Candor boy replies, "because that makes perfect sense Molly. Leap off a train onto a roof."**

"What was he expecting?" Zeke asks. "A mani-pedi and then a facial," Shauna says seriously. Everyone looks at her oddly. "What? It would have been nice," she says defensively. "Quick!" Lynn says, "Someone get Max! We must make that a part of initiation. Instead of the brave faction, we can be the fashionable faction!" "I call being leader!" Christina squeals. "Can you please keep reading, oh most fashionable leader?" Tris asks. "Very well, my not so fashionable underling," Christina replies, giving a bow in Tris's direction.

"**This is kind of what we signed up for, Peter," the girl points out.**

"**Well, I'm not doing it," He has olive skin and wears a brown shirt- he is the only transfer from Amity. His cheeks shine with tears.**

There is always at least one person who won't jump onto the roof. I don't know what that Amity kid was expecting from Dauntless though.

"**You've got to," Christina says, "or you fail. Come on it'll be alright."**

"**No, it won't!" I'd rather be factionless than dead!" the Amity boy shakes his head. He sounds panicky. He keeps shaking his head and staring at the rooftop, which is getting closer by the second. I don't agree with him. I'd rather be dead than empty, like the factionless. **

"Really?" I ask. That she would even think that alarms me. "Not anymore," she says. I study her face for a moment and decide she was being sincere. Good. Tris thinking about her own demise is very unsettling to me. It makes me think about what I'd do if she were to die. The problem is, I can't think about what I'd do because I can't imagine the grief of losing her.

"**You can't force him," I say, glancing at Christina. Her brown eyes are wide, and she presses her lips together so hard they change color. She offers me her hand. **

"**Here," she says. I raise an eyebrow at her hand, about to say that I don't need help.**

Christina sighs. "You're so stubborn!" "So?" Tris says. "So!" Christina says, "It wouldn't kill you to accept help once in a while." "Whatever," mutters Tris. Yep. She's stubborn all right.

**but she adds, "I just… can't do it unless someone drags me."**

**I take her hand and we stand at the edge of the car. As it passess the roof, I count, "One… two… three!"**

**On three we launch off of the train car. A weightless moment, and then my feet slam into solid ground and pain prickles through my shins. The jarring landing sends me sprawling on the rooftop, gravel under my cheek. I release Christina's hand. She's laughing. **

"**That was fun," she says. **

**Christina will fit in with the Dauntless thrill seekers.**

"Is that a compliment?" Christina asks. "Take it how you like," Tris says. "Thanks for the compliment then!"

**I brush grains of rock from my cheek. All the initiates except the Amity boy made it onto the roof, with varying levels of success. The Candor girl with crooked teeth, Molly, holds her ankle, wincing, and Peter, the Candor boy with shiny hair, grins proudly- he must have landed on his feet.**

"Nah," Christina says, "He probably just some some puppies being drowned or something."

**Then I hear a wail. I turn my head, searching for the source of the sound. A Dauntless girl stands at the edge of the roof, staring at the ground below, screaming. Behind her a Dauntless boy holds her at the waist to keep her from falling off.**

"**Rita," he says. "Rita, calm. Rita-"**

**I stand and look over the edge. There is a body on the pavement below us; a girl, her arms and legs bent at awkward angles, her hair spread in a fan around her head. My stomach sinks and I stare at the railroad tracks. Not everyone made it. And even the Dauntless aren't safe.**

It's a good thing that she learned that lesson early. Although, learning that lesson didn't stop her from doing some pretty dangerous stuff.

**Rita sinks to her knees, sobbing. I turn away. The longer I watch her, the more likely I am to cry and I'm not going to cry in front of these people.**

**I tell myself, as sternly as possible, that this is how things work here. We do dangerous things and people die. People die, and we move on to the next dangerous thing. The sooner that lesson sinks in, the better chance I have at surviving initiation. I'm no longer sure that I'll survive initiation.**

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you, what did you rank in initiation?" Caleb asks. "Guess you'll just have to be patient to find out," Tris tells her brother. "What? There's no way I'm waiting that long!" Caleb says. "Too bad," Tris says, smirking. Caleb pouts at her sister, but she just laughs at him and motions for Christina to keep reading.

**I tell myself to count to three, and when I'm done, I will move on. One. I picture the girl's body on the pavement, and a shudder goes through me. Two. I hear Rita's sobs and the murmured reassurance of the boy behind her. Three. My lips pursed, I walk away from Rita and the roof's edge.**

**My elbow stings. I pull my sleeve up to examine it, my hands shaking. Some of the skin is peeling off, but it isn't bleeding.**

"**Ooh. Scandalous! A Stiff's flashing some skin!" I lift my head. "Stiff" is slang for Abnegation and I'm the only one here. Peter points at me, smirking. I hear laughter. My cheeks heat up, and I let my sleeve.**

Caleb sighs. "It was about the same at Erudite."

"**Listen up! My name is Max! I am one of the leaders of your new faction!" shouts a man at the other end of the roof. He is older than the others, with deep creases in his dark skin and gray hair at his temples, and he stands on the ledge like it is a sidewalk. Like someone didn't just fall to her death. "Several stories below us is the member's entrance to the compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."**

"**You want us to jump off a ledge?" asks an Erudite girl.**

"She's really surprised?" asks Caleb incredulously.

**She is a few inches taller than I am, with mousy brown hair and big lips. Her mouth hangs open.**

**I don't why it shocks her.**

"**Yes," Max says. He looks amused.**

"**Is there water at the bottom or something?"**

"**Who knows?" he raises his eyebrows.**

**The crowd in front of the initiates split in half, making a wide path for us. I look around. No one looks eager to jump off the building- their eyes are everywhere but on Max. **

"I don't think people _should_ be eager to jump off buildings, Tris," Caleb says. "It was an observation. I didn't say they should be eager to jump off buildings," Tris says. "It was implied." "No it wasn't." "Yeah it w-" "You guys are starting to sound like Uriah," Lynn says. Tris and Caleb immediately shut up at that. "What's wrong with that?" Uriah asks indignantly. Lynn rolls her eyes. "If you reevaluate that question, I think you'll realize the stupidity of it."

**Some of them nurse minor wounds or brush gavel from their clothes. I glance at Peter. He is picking at one of his cuticles, trying to act casual.**

**I am proud. It will get me into trouble someday, but today it makes me brave. I walk to the ledge and hear snickers behind me.**

**This is a scare tactic. I will land safely at the bottom.**

"You seem to rely on logic a lot," Caleb says. He seems surprised by that for some reason. "Well, I did get Erudite as a result," Tris replies.

**That knowledge is the only thing that helps me step onto the ledge. My teeth chatter. I can't back down now. Not with all the people betting I'll fail behind me. My hands fumble along the collar of my shirt and find the button that secures it shut. After a few tries, I undo the hooks from collar to hem and pull it off my shoulders.**

"Don't stall by stripping," Zeke scolds, wagging his finger at Tris. "I only took off my outer shirt," Tris says exasperatedly.

**Beneath it. I wear a gray T-shirt. It is tighter than any other clothes I own, and no one has ever seen me in it before. I ball up my outer shirt and look over my shoulder, at Peter. I throw the ball of fabric at him as hard as I can, my jaw clenched. It hits him in the chest. He stares at me. I hear catcalls and shouts behind me.**

**I look at the hole again. Goose bumps rise on my pale arms, and my stomach lurches. If I don't do it now, I won't be able to do it at all. I swallow hard. **

**I don't think. I just bend my knees and jump.**

**The air howls in my ears as the ground surges toward me, or I surge toward the ground, my heart pounding so fast it hurts, every muscle in my body tensing as the falling sensation drags at my stomach. The hole surrounds me and I drop into darkness.**

**I hit**

"A leather mat with spikes all around the edges," Christina says, diverting from what is written. "What? Why would they have spikes around the mat?" Caleb asks. He obviously didn't notice Christina had started to make stuff up. Tris laughs. "She made that part up," she tells her brother. "Oh," he says. He blushes.

**something hard. It gives way beneath me and cradles my body. The impact knocks the wind from me and I wheeze, struggling to breathe again. My arms and legs sting.**

**A net. There is a net at the bottom of the hole. I look up at the building and laugh, half relieved and half hysterical. I just jumped off a roof. **

**I have to stand on solid ground again. I see a few hands stretching out to me at the edge of the net, so I grab the first one I can reach and pull myself across. I roll off, and I would have fallen face-first onto the wood floor if he had not caught me. **

I strain my ears to listen more closely. This is, after all, where I come in.

"**He" is the young man attached to the hand I grabbed. He has a spar upper lip and a full lower lip. His eyes are so deep-set that his eyelashes touch the skin under his eyebrows, and they are a dark blue, a dreaming, sleeping, waiting color. **

I see Tris blush a deep red before she buries her head into my neck, presumably to hide from everyone else. I'm grinning. She may not have called me handsome or pretty, but she did give me a long description as soon as she saw me, so I guess that's good. Also, she was obviously looking at my eyes and lips a lot. I am _so _going to use this against her in the future, and I'm betting the same goes for everyone else.**  
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**His hands grip my arms, but he releases me a moment after I stand up. **

Tris lightly hits my arm, her face still buried in my neck. "What was that for?" I ask her. "You look too smug," she says. "But you can't see my face," I argue. "Oh please," she says, "I know you well enough to know that you're smirking right now. So stop it." I stop smirking. "Yes m'am," I say. "Good boy Tobias," she says.

"**Thank you," I say. We stand on a platform ten feet above the ground. Around us is an open cavern. **

Tris sits up, no trace of a blush left. I'm surprised by how fast she recovered. Usually when she blushes, it takes a couple minutes for her blush to go away. It's honestly really cute.

"**Can't believe it," a voice says from behind him. It belongs to a dark-haired girl with three silver through her right eyebrow. She smirks at me. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of." **

"**There's a reason she left them Lauren," he says. His voice is deep and it rumbles.**

"**What's your name?"**

"**Umm…" I don't know why I hesitate. But "Beatrice" just doesn't sound right anymore. **

"**Think about it," he says, a faint smile curling his lips. "You don't get to pick again."**

"Wow, I can't believe you actually got Four to smile!" Zeke says. I roll my eyes. "It's not that uncommon," I say. Uriah snorts. "Dude, you like never smiled before Tris came. Before, it was about as common as Zeke refusing to eat some cake." "Whatever," I grumble. I can't deny that I smiled more often once Tris showed up.

**A new place, a new name. I can be remade here. "Tris," I say firmly. "Tris," Lauren repeats, grinning. "Make the announcement Four." **

**The boy- Four- looks over his shoulder and shouts, "First jumper- Tris!" **

**A crowd materializes from the darkness as my eyes adjust. They cheer and pump their fists, and then another person drops into the net. Her screams follow her down. Christina. Everyone laughs, but they follow their laughter with more cheering.**

**Four sets his hand on my back, "Welcome to Dauntless."**

"Done!" Christina chips. I never really noticed just how often I initiated contact with her. It was pretty stupid of me, but honestly, if I had the chance to change that, I wouldn't. It was worth the risk.

"Here you go Will! You can read next," Christina says, passing the book to Will. "Don't I get a choice in this?" Will asks. "Nope!" Christina says cheerfully. "Fine," Will says, sighing.

"Chapter 7…"

**Author's note: This chapter took me forever to write! It also took me way longer than usual to edit it, so y'all better apreciate how hard I worked to get this chapter posted today.**

** DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	7. Chapter 7

7

**When all the initiates stand on solid ground again, Lauren and Four lead us down a narrow tunnel. The walls are made of stone, and the ceiling slopes, so it feels like I am descending deep into the heart of the earth. The tunnel is lit at long intervals, so in the dark space between each lamp, I fear that I am lost until a shoulder bumps into mine. In the circles.**

I've always found it interesting how people cling to light. People can go pretty long periods of time with only minimal amounts of light, but not many would choose to live like that.

**The Erudite boy in front of me stops abruptly, and I smack into him, my nose hitting his shoulder. I stumble back and rub my nose as I recover my senses. The whole crowd has stopped, and our three leaders stand in front of us, arms folded.**

"**This is where we divide," Lauren says. "The Dauntless borns are with me, I'm assuming you don't need a tour of this place."**

**She smiles and beckons towards the Dauntless-born initiates. They break away from the group and dissolve into the shadows. I watch the last heel pass out of the light and look at those of us who are left. Most of the initiates were from Dauntless, so only nine people remain. The rest are from Erudite and, surprisingly, Candor. It must require bravery to be honest all the time. I wouldn't know.**

"Seriously," Christina says, "We're only seven chapters in and you've already been lying." Tris shrugs. "The Abnegation don't really lie per se, they're just more tolerant of secrets than the Candor," Tris says. "Yeah, well I'm just saying that it's a good thing you didn't choose Candor as your faction. You probably would have gotten kicked out for lying so much," Christina says. "Probably," Tris says, laughing.

**Four addresses us next. "Most of the time, I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I will be your instructor," he says. "My name is Four."**

**Christina asks, "Four? Like the number?"**

"I'm surprised he didn't pitch you into the chasm for that," Zeke says dryly. "He just told me off," Christina says, shrugging. I feel kind of uncomfortable when I remember stuff like that, seeing as I now hang out with people I used to be responsible for.

"Why are you called Four?" Caleb asks. I look over at Caleb and raise my eyebrows. "You know the book will explain that right?" "Yeah but that's going to take forever," he huffs. "It's because he has four fears," Shauna tells him. "Is that low?" Caleb asks. "It's the record," Tris says. "Hmmm," Caleb says. He studies me with a look that makes me think he is pondering how my brain must look under a microscope.

"**Yes," Four says, "Is there a problem?"**

"**No."**

"**Good. We are about to go to the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-"**

**Christina snickers, "The Pit? Cleaver name."**

"Okay, that was pretty stupid of you," Caleb says. "What? I grew up in Candor. I was used to saying what I thought," Christina says. "You still would have thought that you would have learned after the first time," Will says, "You're pretty slow on the uptake, aren't you?" Christina reddens. "Just shut up and read," she mutters.

I frown. I wasn't _that _mean to her. I just got in her face. _Eric_ made her hang out in the chasm.

**Four walks up to Christina and leans his face in close to hers. His eyes narrow, and for a second he just stares at her.**

"**What's you name?" he asks quietly.**

"**Christina," she squeaks.**

Zeke laughs. "You were really that scared of him?" "Hey," says Will, coming to Christina's defence, "don't act like you were never intimidated by Four." Zeke stops laughing at Christina. "Only a little…" Zeke mumbles. "Oh come on!" I say, "You guys are acting like I would kill anyone who even looked at me." "You acted that way in the beginning," Zeke says. I huff. It's not my fault I have naturally intimidating looks and a slightly anti-social nature.

"**Well, Christina, If I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," he hisses. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?"**

"I don't know what your talking about," Uriah says sarcastically, "he's practically a teddy bear." "Yeah, he is," Tris says seriously. She turns sideways on my lap and snuggles into my chest. "Good teddy bear," Tris says, patting my head. I roll my eyes at her. "See?" she says, "Not scary." Zeke scoffs. "That's only because you're even scarier than he is." That's true.

**She nods.**

**Four starts toward the shadow at the end of the tunnel. The crowd of initiates moves on in silence.**

"**What a jerk," she mumbles.**

I raise my eyebrows at Christina. "What?" she says. "You were a jerk to me." "You do realize I was trying to break your habit of speaking your mind before it got you killed by Eric, right?" I say, my eyes narrowed. Christina shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "Whatever," she mumbles.

"**I guess he doesn't like to be laughed at," I reply.**

"It's interesting that you defend the guy you barely know," Caleb says. "Aren't Abnegation taught it is selfish to judge?" Tris asks. "Yeah," Caleb sighs, "Some of the people in Erudite could really use that lesson."

**It would be wise to be careful around Four, I realize. He seemed placid to me on the platform, but something about that stillness makes me wary now.**

"You were scared of Four?" Marlene asks. "Nah," Tirs says. "One can decide to be careful around someone or something without being scared of it or them."

**Four pushes a set of double doors open, and we walk into the place we called "the Pit."**

"**Oh," Christina says, "I get it."**

"**Pit" is the best word for it. It is an underground cavern so huge I can't see the other end of it from where I stand, at the bottom. Uneven rock walls rise several stories above my head. Built into the stone walls are places for food, clothing, supplies, and leisure activities. Narrow paths carved from rock connect them. There are no barriers to keep people from falling over the side.**

"That sounds like such a delightful way to fall to your death," Cale says. That's basically what I thought when I first got here.

**A slant of orange light stretches across one of the rock walls. Forming the roof of the Pit are panes of glass and, above them, a building that lets in sunlight. It must have looked like just another city building when we passed it on the train.**

"You have no idea how long it took me to find this place," Caleb says, "I actually walked into the wrong building three times." Tris laughs at him. "What? I'm just saying it isn't very logical for it to be so hard to find," Caleb says. He seems annoyed that Tris is laughing at him. "The Dauntless aren't always very logical Caleb," she says.

**Blue lanterns dangle along random intervals of the stone paths, similar to the ones that lit the choosing room. They grow brighter as the sunlight dies.**

**People are everywhere, all dressed in black, all shouting and talking, expressive, gesturing. I don't see any elderly people in the crowd. Are there any old Dauntless? Do they not last that long or are they just sent away when they can't jump off trains anymore?**

"Depends," Zeke says. "Some die before they can get old, some decide to join the factionless when they do, some jump into the chasm when they do, and some, like Max, just push through it."

**A group of children run down a narrow path with no railing, so fast my heart pounds, and I want to scream at them to slow down before they get hurt.**

"They would've just laughed at you," Lynn says. "Yeah," Uriah says, shaking his head, "Youngsters have zero respect for their elders these days. 'Tis a shame." "If you really feel that way Uri," Zeke says, "Go get me some cake." Lynn scoffs. "You're too immature to be anybody's elder." Shauna laughs and high-fives her sister.

**A memory of the orderly Abnegation street appears in my mind: a line of people on the right passing a line of people on the left, small smiles and inclined heads and silence. My stomach squeezes. But there is something wonderful about Dauntless chaos.**

"What?" Caleb asks incredulously. "Well," Tris says, "I don't have to cook, or volunteer, or refrain from sarcasm, and I can talk freely during dinner."

"**If you'll follow me," says Four, "I'll show you the chasm."**

**He waves us forward. Four's appearance seems tame from the front, by Dauntless standards, but when he turns around, I see a tattoo peeking out from the collar of his T-shirt.**

"Why?" Caleb asks. "Our surroundings weren't that interesting. And besides, I noticed Lauren's piercings and Tori's tattoo. I'll probably be noticing even more peoples tattoos later on in the book." Tris says.

"Speaking of," Caleb says, "anymore tattoos since I last saw you?" He eyes his sister suspiciously. "Just the one of your face covering my back." she says seriously. Caleb gives a look of shock and opens and closes his mouth. "What?" he stutters out. "I was joking Caleb. Why on earth would I deface my back like that? Plus, that'd be so creepy." she says, rolling her eyes at him.

**He leads us to the right side of the Pit, which is conspicuously dark. I squint and see the floor I stand on ends at an iron barrier. As we approach the railing, I hear a roar- water, fast-moving water, crashing against rocks.**

**I look over the side. The floor drops off at a sharp angle, and several stories below us is a river. Gushing water strikes the wall behind me and sprays upward. To my left, the water is calmer, but to my right, it is white, battling with rocks. **

"**The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" Four shouts. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned." **

I put one of my arms around Tris. I know she still feels responsible for Al's death, and that she still doesn't forgive herself for it.

"**This is incredible," says Christina, as we all move away from the railing.**

"**Incredible is the word," I say, nodding.**

**Four leads the group of initiates across the Pit toward a gaping hole in the wall. The room beyond is well-light enough that I can see where we are going: a dining hall full of people and clattering silverware. When we walk in, the Dauntless inside stand. They applaud. They stamp their feet. They shout. The noise surrounds me and fills me. Christina smiles, and a second later, so do I.**

**We look for empty seats.**

"There isn't a seating arrangement?" Caleb asks. "No," says Tris. "You just sit where you can find room." "But that's so illogical." he says. "Not really," I say. "People can't always eat at the same time every day, and the dining hall isn't big enough for everyone at once, so it actually makes more sense to just sit wherever." Caleb nods, accepting my logic.

**Christina and I find a mostly empty table at the side of the room, and I find myself sitting in between her and Four.**

I could be wrong, but I think I hear Caleb mutter something along the lines of "of course you do."

**In the center of the table is a platter of food I don't recognize: circular pieces of meat wedged between round bread slices. I pinch one between my fingers, not sure what to make of it.**

**Four nudges me with his elbow.**

"**It's beef," he says. "Put this on it." He passes me a small bowl full of red sauce.**

"**You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina asks, her eyes wide.**

"You didn't pay attention in faction history did you?" Will asks. "Huh?" says Christina. He rolls his eyes at her. "They told us what the different factions ate." "It was a boring class." she says defensively.

"**No," I say. "Is that what it's called?"**

"**Stiffs eat plain food," Four says, nodding at Christina.**

"He apparently managed to pay attention," Will says. "Yeah, well, whatever," Christina says, at a loss for a comeback.

"**Why?" she asks.**

**I shrug "Extravagance is considered unnecessary and indulgent."**

**She smirks. "No wonder you left."**

"**Yeah," I say, rolling my eyes, "It was just because of the food."**

**The corner of Four's mouth twitches.**

"Wow," Zeke says, "You must be magical. You got one and a half smiles out of Four in one day." "One and a half?" I ask. "Mouth twitches are counted as half a smile," Zeke says. I shake my head. How does he come up with such arbitrary rules?

**The doors to the cafeteria open, and a hush falls over the room. I look over my shoulder. A young man walks in, and it is quiet enough that I can hear his footsteps. His face is pierced in so many places, I lose count, and his hair is long, dark, and greasy. But that isn't what makes him look menacing. It is the coldness of his eyes as they sweep across the room.**

"Eric?" Caleb guesses.

"**Who's that?" hisses Christina.**

"Santa claus," Uriah whispers to Christina. She smacks him upside the head. Uriah scowls at her and scoots closer to Marlene.

"**His name is Eric," says Four. "He's a Dauntless leader."**

"**Seriously? But he's so young."**

**Four gives her a grave look. "Age doesn't matter hear."**

**I can tell she's about to ask what I want to ask: Then what does matter? But Eric's eyes stop scanning the room, and he starts toward a table. He starts towards our table and drops into the seat next to Four.**

"That's when you yell something like 'you can't sit with us'!" Uriah says. Everyone looks at him with a confused expression. Why are Uriah and Zeke such weirdos?

**He offers no greeting, so neither do we.**

"**Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" he asks, nodding to Christina and me.**

"**This is Tris and Christina," Four says**

"**Oooh, a Stiff," Eric says, smirking at me. His smile pulls at the piercings in his lips, making the holes they occupy wider, and I wince. "We'll see how long you last."**

Caleb scowls. "They let this jerk be a Dauntless leader?" "Actually," I say, "Jeanine was the one who pushed for Eric."

**I mean to say something- to assure I will last, maybe- but words fail me. I don't know why, but I don't want Eric to look at me any longer than he has. I don't want him to look at me ever again.**

I hold Tris a little tighter. It's a really good thing she didn't say anything. If she had, she probably wouldn't be sitting here now.

**He taps his fingers against the table. His knuckles are scabbed over, tight where they would split if he punched something too hard.**

"**What have you been doing lately Four?" he asks.**

**Four lifts a shoulder. "Nothing, really," he says.**

**Are they friends?**

I snort. Like I would ever be friends with him.

**My eyes flick between Eric and Four. Everything Eric did- sitting here, asking about Four- suggests that they are, but the way Four sits, tense as pulled wire, suggests that they are something else. Rivals, maybe, but how can that be, if Eric is a leader and Four is not?**

I raise my eyebrows in shock. She noticed all of that? I knew Tris was perceptive, but I didn't know she was _this _perceptive. It's kind of ridiculous.

"**Max tells me he keeps trying to meet you, but you don't show up," Eric says, "He requested I find out what's going on with you."**

**Four looks at Eric for a few seconds before saying, "Tell him I am satisfied with the position I currently hold." **

"**So he wants to give you a job."**

"**So it would seem," Four says.**

"**And you aren't interested."**

"**I haven't been interested for two years."**

"You didn't want to be a leader?" Caleb asks. "Yeah," I say. "Interesting," he says, studying me.

"**Well," Eric says, "Let's hope he gets the point then."**

**He claps Four on the shoulder, a little too hard, and gets up. When he walks away, I slouch immediately. I had not realized I was so tense. **

"**Are you two… friends?" I ask, unable to hide my curiosity.**

"**We were in the same initiate class," he says, "He transferred from Erudite."**

"Question dodger," someone says/coughs.

**All thoughts of being careful around Four leave me. "Were you a transfer too?"**

"You abandoned being careful around me rather early didn't you?" I say dryly. "If you want me too, I can be careful around you now to make up for earlier." she says. She starts to get up, but I wrap my arms around her, forcing her to stay. "That's okay," I say.

"**I thought I would only have the Candor asking too many questions," he says coldly, "Now I've got stiffs too?"**

"That's a yes, then," Caleb says.

"**It must be because you're so approachable," I say flatly, "You know. Like a bed of nails."**

"Nice one Tris," Lynn says. They air-five.

**He stares at me, and I don't look away. He's isn't a dog, but the same rules apply. Looking away is submissive. Looking him in the eye is a challenge. It's my choice.**

"Bark, bark," I say. Tris pats me on the head.

**Heat rushes into my cheeks. What will happen when the tension breaks?**

**But he just says, "Careful, Tris."**

**My stomach drops like I just swallowed a stone. A Dauntless member at another table calls out Four's name, and I turn to Christina. She raises both eyebrows.**

"**What?" I ask.**

"**I'm developing a theory."**

"**And it is?"**

**She picks up her hamburger, grins, and says, "That you have a death wish."**

"I'm not that scary," I say. Christina shrugs.

"There's a break," Will says.

**After dinner, Four disappeared without a word.**

"I'm so touched that you noticed," I say, placing a hand over my heart. "You left us alone with Eric," Tris says flatly, "I'm pretty sure everyone noticed." Christina and Will nod. My ego deflates a little.

**Eric leads us down a series of hallways without telling us where we're going. I don't know why a Dauntless leader would be responsible for a group of initiates, but maybe it is just for tonight. **

"If only," Christina sighs. Will nods and Tris nod.

**At the end of each hallway is a blue lamp, but between them it's dark, and I have to be careful to not stumble over uneven ground. Christina walks beside me in silence. No one told us to be quiet, but none of us speak.**

"This Eric guy seems pretty scary," Caleb says. I snort. "He likes to think he's scary. Didn't stop me from beating him up while we were in initiation." "You may not find him scary," Caleb says, "But he did have a higher position than you, so I'm assuming you had to do what he said." "Unfortunately," I say bitterly. Sometimes I really regret not taking that leadership job.

**Eric steps in front of a wooden door and folds his arms. We gather around him.**

"**For those of you don't know, my name is Eric," he says. "I am one of the five leaders of the Dauntless. We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training."**

**The thought makes me nauseous. The idea that a Dauntless leader will oversee our training is bad enough, but the fact that it's Eric make it seem even worse.**

Tris seemed to really hate him really early. He hasn't really done anything bad to anyone yet, but I don't think it's possible for him to stop the bloodthirsty vibes that come from him.

"**Some ground rules," he says, "You have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do what you like after six. You will also get time off after each stage of initiation." **

**The phrase "do whatever you like" sticks in my mind. At home, I could never do what I liked, not even for an evening. I had to think of other people's needs first. I don't even know what I like to do.**

"Abnegation don't know what their birthday is or what they like to do? That's just sad," Uriah says, shaking his head. Tris shrugs. "I found the fact that there is a much greater chance y'all will die kind of weird." The Dauntless-born stop making fun of Tris. Almost everyone here knows someone who has fallen or jumped into the chasm.

"**You are only allowed to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless," Eric adds. **

"Good job following that rule," Caleb says.

"**Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. You will notice that there are ten beds and nine of you. We anticipated that a higher portion of you would make it this far."**

"**But we started with 12," Christina protests. I close my eyes and wait for the reprimand. She needs to learn to stay quiet.**

"Wow," Uriah says, "Even your own friend thinks you should shut up." "Bro," Zeke says, "Everyone always thinks you should shut up." Uriah sticks his tongue out at his brother.

"**There is always at least one transfer that doesn't make it to the compound," Eric says, picking at his cuticles.**

**He shrugs, "Anyway, in the first stage of initiation, we keep transfers and Dauntless-born separate, but that doesn't mean you're evaluated separately. At the end of initiation, your rankings will be determined in comparison with the Dauntless-born. And they are better than you already. So I expect-"**

"**Ranking?" asked the mousy haired girl to my right, "Why are we ranked?"**

**Eric smiles, and in the blue light, his smile looks wicked, like it was cut into his face with a knife.**

"**Your rankings serve two purposes," he says. "The first is that it determines the order in which you will select a job after initiation. There are only a few desirable positions available."**

**My stomach tightens. I know by looking at his smile, like I knew the second I entered the aptitude test room, that something bad is about to happen. **

"**The second purpose," he says. "Is that only the top ten initiates are made members."**

"Top ten?" Caleb asks. "That is what I read," Will says tiredly. "That's not very fair," Caleb says, "The Dauntless-born have a huge advantage." "For stage one they do," I say, "but for stages two and three they don't."

**That means that even if we make it through each stage of initiation, six initiates will not be members. I see Christina look at me from the corner of my eye, but I can't look back at her. My eyes are fixed on Eric and will not move.**

**My odds, as the smallest initiate, as the only Abnegation transfer, are not good.**

I wonder how Peter feels about the smallest and only Abnegation transfer beating him. I'm honestly really surprised he hasn't tried to get even with Tris. Then again, he's not that stupid. He knows if he did anything to Tris, I would make sure that the last moments of his life were filled with as much agony and suffering as possible.

"**What do we do if we're cut?" Peter says.**

"**You leave the Dauntless compound," Eric says indifferently, "and live factionless." **

**The mousy-haired girl clamps her hand over her mouth and stifles a sob. I remember the factionless man with gray teeth, snatching the bag of apples from my hand. His dull, staring eyes. But instead of crying like the Erudite girl, I feel colder. Harder. I will become a member. I will.**

"Gosh Tris, you're so complacent," Caleb says, smiling. Tris sticks his tongue out at him. "And so mature too! And you say you aren't cut out for Abnegation," he says. "Whatever," Tris says, rolling her eyes at her brother.

"**But that's… not fair!" the broad-shouldered Candor girl, Molly, says. Even though she sounds angry, she sounds terrified.**

Anger and fear usually go hand in hand. Especially here in Dauntless.

"**If we had known**-"

"Really?" I say, "Don't any Candor think before they speak?" "Hey," Christina says, "I take offense to that." "But you're Dauntless now, not Candor," Tris points out. "Oh yeah," Christina says, "Forgot about that."

"**Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn't have chosen Dauntless?" Eric snaps. "Because if that's the case, you should get out now. If you really are one of us, it won't matter that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward."**

"It feels really weird to agree with Eric," Lynn says, her face scrunched up in disgust. Uriah nods, a similar look on his face.

**Eric pushes the door to the dormitory open. **

"**You chose us," he says, "Now we have to choose you."**

Will groans. "There's another page break. I swear, I'm going to lose my voice if all the chapters are this long."

"Hold on," Zeke says, getting up. He goes to the fridge in the kitchen area of the room and grabs ten bottles of water. He gives one to each person and then sits back down in his spot.

"Thanks," Will says, taking a big gulp from his.

**I lie in bed and listen to nine people breathing.**

**I have never slept in the same room as a boy before, but I have no other option, unless I want to sleep in the hallway. Everyone else changed into the clothes Dauntless provided for us, but I sleep in my Abnegation clothes, which still smell like soap and fresh air, like home.**

"Did you know," Caleb says, "that smells are one of the things people remember the best? Some people at Erudite have been researching it and they have hypothesised that-" Tris cuts him off. "As fascinating as that is Caleb," she says, "I don't think everyone here cares about it." Caleb hangs his head and a disappointed look comes across his face. I guess he really wanted to explain it.

**I used to have my own room. I could see the front lawn from the window, and beyond that, a foggy skyline. I am used to sleeping in silence.**

**Heat swells behind my eyes as I think of home, and when I blink, a tear slips out. I cover my mouth to stifle a sob.**

Tris looks around the room with a fierce expression on her face. I would feel sorry for someone stupid enough to say anything, I'm not sure if they would be entirely the same after Tris was through with them. I wouldn't be surprised if they needed therapy.

**I can't cry, not here. I have to calm down.**

"Oh please," Christina says, "Everyone else was crying. So stop giving us all the death stare okay?" Tris stops glaring at everyone. "Whatever," she Tgrumbles. One thing I can say about Christina, is that she has guts. I've been on the receiving end of Tris's death stare, and it is truly terrifying.

**It will be alright here. I can look at my reflection whenever I want. I can befriend Christina, and cut my hair short, and let other people clean up their own messes. **

I start to play with Tris's hair. She never did cut it. We both keep our hair at the approved Abnegation length.

**My hands shake and the tears come faster now, blurring my vision.**

**It doesn't matter that the next time I see my parents, on Visiting day, they will barely recognize me- if they come at all. It doesn't matter that I ache at every split-second memory of their faces. Even Caleb's, despite how much his secrets hurt me. I match my inhales to the other initiate's, and my exhales to their exhales. **

**It doesn't matter.**

"You know the very fact that you're telling yourself it doesn't matter is proof that it matters, right?" Caleb says. Tris doesn't respond to him.

**A strangled sound interrupts the breathing, followed by a heavy sob. Bed springs squeal as a large body turns, and a pillow muffles the sobs, but not enough. They come from the bunk next to mine- they belong to a Candor boy, Al, the largest and broadest of all the initiates. He is the last person I expected to break down.**

**His feet are just inches from my head. I would comfort him- I should want to comfort him, because I was raised that way. Instead I feel disgust. Someone who looks so strong shouldn't act so weak.**

Lynn nods. Tris and Lynn are actually pretty similar. And they seem to enjoy double-teaming Uriah and Zeke.

**Why can't he just keep his crying quiet like the rest of us?**

**I swallow hard. **

**If my mother knew what I was thinking, I know what look she would give me. The corners of her mouth turned down. Her eyebrows set low over her eyes- not scowling, almost tired. I drag the heel of my hand over my cheeks.**

"You have both Caleb's and your mother's looks of disapproval memorized? You must have not been a very good kid," Zeke says. Tris looks at him incredulously. "Zeke honey," Shauna says, "you have no room to talk."

**Al sobs again. I almost feel the sound grate in my own throat. He is just inches from me- I should touch him.**

I scowl. She really shouldn't. He obviously liked Tris anyway, this would just have encouraged him.

"Tobias," Tris says, "stop scowling. You're freaking Caleb out." I glance over at Caleb and realize it's true. It's hard not to laugh at him. He's looking at me like he's afraid I'm going to kill someone. I stop scowling and nuzzle my face into Tris's neck. Out of my peripheral, I see Caleb relax.

**No. I put my hand down and roll onto my side, facing the wall. No one has to know I don't have to help him. I can keep that secret buried.**

"Or not," Uriah says.

**My eyes shut and I feel the pull of sleep, but every time I come close, I hear Al again.**

**Maybe my problem isn't that I can't go home. I will miss my mother and father and Caleb and evening firelight, but that is not the only reason for this hollow feeling in my stomach. My problem might be that even if I did go home, I wouldn't belong there, among people who give without thinking and care without trying. **

Most of the ones who transferred nod in understanding. Only the Dauntless-born in this room don't know what it's like to grow up not fitting in.

**The thought makes me grit my teeth. I gather the pillow around my ears to block out Al's crying and fall asleep with a circle of moisture pressed against my cheek.**

"Done!" Will shouts, "Who's next?" "I'll do it," Marlene says. Will pushes it across the floor to Marlene who then picks up the book and opens to the right chapter.

"Chapter 8…"

**Author's note: Done! God! Veronica Roth needs to make her chapters shorter. Okay, so I'll probably be updating every 2-3 days here on out. These chapters take me awhile, and I'd rather post better things and not update as often than post bad things often. Also, if I remove a review of yours it's probably because I find it rude and/or annoying. You can ask me about it if you want to, but those are probably the reasons.**

**Edit: I noticed something was made redundant in a later chapter, so I changed it. I should probably refresh on what I've written more often so that sort of thing doesn't happen. I probably won't though. Oh well. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT **


	8. Chapter 8

8

"**The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight." Four presses a gun into my palm without looking at me and keeps walking.**

"Interesting that you mentioned that he didn't look at you," Caleb says. "Well, it was strange. Usually, when people hand you things they look at you, not the floor," Tris says.

"**Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get off a moving train, so I don't have to teach you that."**

**I shouldn't be surprised that the Dauntless expects us to hit the ground running, but I anticipated more than six hours of rest before the running began. My body is still heavy from sleep.**

"That's not a very good learning environment," Caleb says. I roll my eyes. "The perfect learning environment doesn't exist. For what they need to learn, that environment is good enough," I say.

"**Initiation is divided into three stages. We will follow your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to vastly improve your rank over time."**

Well, difficult unless you're Tris. Tris isn't the best fighter ever, but she handles stressful and fear inducing situations extremely well.

**I stare at the weapon in my hand. Never in my life did I expect to hold a gun, let alone fire one. It feels dangerous to me, as if by just touching it I could hurt someone. **

"That doesn't make any sense," Uriah says. "You grew up with guns Uri, I didn't. Do you think you'd be able to cook your own food?" Tris asks, her eyebrows raised. "No," Uriah grumbles. It's odd that even though the Dauntless pride themselves on being prepared for things, most don't know how to cook.

"**We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," says Four. "Therefore, each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."**

"Is that what that fear serum is used for?" Caleb asks. I look over at Caleb and frown. Factions don't usually share info about their serums. "How do you know about the fear serum, Caleb?" Tris asks.

"I did a lot of research on serums towards the beginning of Erudite initiation," he says, "I figured if I knew what serums they had, I could figure out what their initiation was like. I just wanted to know what you were going through." "Why can't you be that great of a brother, Zeke?" Uriah asks, pouting. "Because you don't deserve it," Zeke says flatly. "Burn," Will says.

"**But what…" Peter yawns through his words. "What does firing a gun have to do with bravery?"**

**Four flips the gun in his hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. **

"Overreact much?" Caleb asks. "I didn't want someone to get hurt just because someone else wasn't fully awake yet. Besides the paper would have been killer and Eric never would have let me hear the end of it," I say.

"You were only worried about paperwork?" Tris asks. "Pretty much. I didn't know any of you well enough to care about you," I say truthfully. "That's changed though, right?" Tris asks, tracing my jaw with her fingers. I try, but fail, to suppress a shiver. "Well I do know this one girl who I would rather keep uninjured and alive," I say. "I'd rather keep you alive and uninjured too," Tris says. "How do you know I was talking about you?" I tease. Tris rolls her eyes at me. "Probably because I'm the one sitting on your lap," she says.

"**Wake. Up," Four snaps, "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." **

**He lowers the gun. Once the immediate threat is gone, Peter's green eyes harden. I'm surprised he can stop himself from responding, after speaking his mind all his life in Candor, but he does, his cheeks red.**

Christina sighs. "It's a shame you didn't shoot him." There are nods from everyone but Caleb. "Is he really that bad?" Caleb asks. "Pretty much," Shauna says.

"**And to answer your question… you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." Four stops walking at the end of the row and turns on his heel. "This also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me."**

**He faces the wall with the targets on it- one square of plywood with three red circles on it for each of us. He stands with his feet feet apart, holds the gun in both hands, and fires. The bang is so loud it hurts my ears. I crane my neck to look at the target. The bullet went through the middle circle.**

"Of course it did," mumbles Caleb. "What's that supposed to mean?" I ask. Caleb looks shocked I heard. "Nothing," he says, "It's just that I'm really looking forward to having something to use against you, but you haven't messed up yet." And here I thought he liked me.

Tris starts giggling for some reason. "You'll get something to use against him soon enough," she says. I look at her, confused, but then I understand. She's talking about the time I was drunk and she happened to pass by. Crap. I acted like such an idiot. I don't want anyone to read that. "Can't we just skip over that part?" I ask childishly. "So he does do something stupid?" Caleb asks excitedly. "Yep," Tris says cheerfully. Will starts laughing as well. Right. He was there too. Honestly, that moment of my life is more than a little fuzzy.

**I turn to my own target. My family would never approve of me firing a gun. They would say that guns are used for self-defense, if not violence, and are therefore, self-serving.**

"But you can also use them to protect others," Uriah points out. "Yeah," Tris says, shrugging.

**I push my family from my mind, set my feet shoulder-width apart, and delicately wrap both hands around the handle of the gun. It's heavy and hard to lift away from my body, but I want it to be as far from my face as possible. I squeeze the trigger, hesitantly at first and then harder, cringing away from the gun. The sound hurts my ears and the recoil sends my hands back, toward my nose. I stumble, pressing my hand to the wall behind me for balance. I don't know where my bullet went, but I know it's nowhere near the target. **

I don't think anyone got close to their target on the first try. I'm honestly surprised no one got hit.

**I fire again and again and again, but none of the bullets come close.**

"**Statistically speaking," the Erudite boy next to me- his name is Will- says, grinning, "You should have hit the target at least once by now, even by accident." He is blond, with shaggy hair and a crease between his eyebrows.**

"You didn't mention my rugged handsomeness!" Will says, faking hurt. "Did you notice that the only people Tris actually called attractive were Christina and her brother?" Marlene says. "That's kind of weird," Uriah says. "Hey," Tris says, "half the people in this circle have yet to be introduced. Besides, I may mention other stuff about the half that have been introduced apperance wise." "Yeah, but my rugged handsomeness is apparent to all who lay eyes upon me," Will says. "Yeha," Christina says seriously, "just like how your delusional thoughts are apparent to all who speak to you."

"**Is that so," I say without infliction.**

"**Yeah," he says. "I think you're actually defying nature."**

Christina slaps Will upside the head. "Don't be such an ass, Will," she says. Will responds by scooting towards Caleb.

**I grit my teeth and turn toward the target, resolving to at least stand still. If i can't master the first task they give us, how will I ever make it through stage one?**

**I squeeze the trigger, hard, and this time I'm ready for the recoil. It makes my hands jump back, but my feet stay planted. A bullet hole appears at the edge of the target, and I raise an eyebrow at Will. **

"**So you see, I'm right. The stats don't lie," he says. **

**I smile a little.**

"You're like Four," Uriah says. He says it like it's an insult. "What do you mean?" Tris asks, offended. Well then. Zeke answers for him. "Your scary and almost never smile." "Do y'all have a problem with how I look?" I ask menacingly. Zeke an Uriah squeak out a "No," but Tris says "Yes." "What's wrong with how I look?" I ask her. "What Uriah and Zeke said. You should stop hiding your smiles," she says. Her fingers push my mouth into a smile. "Much better," she says, smiling herself. There are assorted nods behind her. "Whatever," I grumble, removing her hands from my face.

**It takes me five rounds to hit the middle of the target, and when I do, a rush of energy goes through me. I am awake, my eyes wide open, my hands warm.**

**I lower the gun. There is power in controlling something that can do so much damage- in controlling something, period. **

**Maybe I do belong here.**

I scoff. Maybe? She got first rank. And, beyond that, she is an incredibly brave person, despite what she thinks.

**By the time we break for lunch, my arms throb from holding up the gun and my fingers are hard to straighten. I massage them on my way to the dining hall. Christina invite Al to sit with us. Everytime I look at him, I hear his sobs again, so I try not to look at him.**

"Harsh," Caleb says.

**I move my peas around with my fork, and my thoughts drift back to the aptitude test. When Tori warned me that being Divergent was dangerous, I felt like it was branded on my face, and if I so much as turned the wrong way, someone would see it. So far it hasn't been a problem, but that doesn't make me feel safe. What if I let my guard down and something terrible happens?**

I look over at Zeke expecting him to say something about Tris being a ray of sunshine. "What?" he asks, noticing how everyone is waiting for him to say it, "She's not being pessimistic, just realistic." Hmm. I didn't know Zeke could actually be serious.

"**Oh, come on. You don't remember me?" Christina asks Al as she makes a sandwich. We were in Math together just a few **_**days **_**ago. And I am not a quiet person.**

Uriah snorts. "Understatement much?" he says. Christina rolls her eyes at him. "You have no room to talk Uri." she says. "He may not," I say, "but I do. Christina, you talk _a lot_." "Yeah well, that's just because I have more things to say," she says. "People don't always talk because they have things to say," I point out, "Some people talk just to talk." "And thus concludes another segment of deep thoughts with Four," Uriah says. I roll my eyes at him. He is such a weirdo.

"**I slept through Math most of the time," Al replies, "It was first hour!"**

Caleb tsks in disapproval.

**What if the danger doesn't come soon- what if it strikes years from now and I don't see it coming?**

"Okay, now I'll say it. Your such a ray of sunshine that I'm afraid I'm going to get a sunburn from your relentless positivity. Seriously Tris, tone it down a bit," Zeke says. "I may be a bit of a pessimist," Tris says, "but at least I'm kind of intelligent." We all laugh at him as Zeke tries to think of something to say. "Yeah, well, I… I'm cooler than you!" he says. "If you're chilly go get a sweater. Or a blanket." Tris says evenly. Zeke slumps in defeat. "I give up," he says. I don't know why the idiot even bothered.

"**Tris," says Christina. She snaps her fingers in front of my face. "You in there?"**

"**What? What is it?"**

"**I was wondering if you ever remember taking a class with me," she says. "I mean, no offense, but I probably wouldn't remember if you did. All the Abnegation looked the same to me. I mean, they still do, but now you're not one of them."**

**I stare at her. As if I needed her to remind me.**

"You should really take your own advice about shutting up sometimes," Uriah says. "I said no offense!" Christina says defensively. "Saying no offense doesn't permit you to say rude things," Marlene says.

"**Sorry, am I being rude?" she asks. "I'm just used to saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."**

"**I think that's why our factions don't really associate with each other," I say, with a short laugh. Candor and Abnegation don't hate each other the way Erudite and Abnegation do, but they avoid each other. Candor's real problem is with the Amity. Those who seek peace above all else, they say, will deceive to keep the waters calm. **

"Hey, there were people from every faction at your latest meeting right?" Shauna asks. Yeah," Tris says, nodding. "How was that?" Shauna asks, grinning.

"Ugh," Tris says, rolling her eyes, "It was torture. The Candor ambassador wouldn't stop arguing with the Amity ambassador, the Erudite ambassador spent practically the whole time acting superior to everyone else, and the Abnegation ambassador spent their time frowning at the Erudite and looking at me in a disapproving manner when they thought I wasn't looking. They didn't start working until I threatened them."

Everyone snickers except Caleb. "You threatened them?" he asks, eyes wide in shock. "Hey," Tris says, "I did what I had to do to make it a productive meeting." Caleb just shakes his head.

"**Can I sit here?" Will asks, tapping the table with his finger. **

"**What, you don't want to hang out with your Erudite buddies?" says Christina.**

"**They aren't my buddies," says Will, setting his plate down. "Just because we were in the same faction doesn't mean we get along. Plus, Edward and Myra are dating, and I would rather not be a third wheel."**

**Edward and Myra, the other Erudite transfers, sit two tables away, so close they bump elbows as they cut their food. Myra pauses to kiss Edward. I watch them carefully. I've only seen a few kisses in my life.**

"Creeper!" Zeke says in a singy voice. "Some would argue breaking into someone's apartment is even creepier," Tris says, mimicking the way Zeke said creepy.

**Edward turn his head and presses his lips to Myra's. Air hisses between my teeth, and I look away. Part of me waits for them to be scolded. Another part wonders, with a touch of desperation, what it would feel like to have someone's lips against mine. **

Tris turns scarlet and shoots a glare towards Zeke and Uriah, effectively stopping them from saying whatever they were about to say. She's the only person I know who can blush and make a glare menacing at the same time. It's a truly impressive talent.

"**Do they have to be so public?" I say. **

"**She just kissed him," Al frowns at me. When he frown, his thick eyebrows touch his eyelashes. "It's not like they're stripping naked."**

"**A kiss is not something you do in public."**

"You guys aren't one of those couples that kiss in public, right?" Caleb asks, directing the question towards Tris and I. I wonder why he sounds so suspicious. "Don't worry," Christina says, "I've only seen them kiss in public once." "Well it's good you guys don't make a habit of it," Caleb says, looking thoroughly relieved. I'm surprised he doesn't ask why she said that she's only seen us kiss once in public. Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad of it. Christina walked in on Tris and I making out one time, and she made it sound like we were having sex. And of course she told all of our friends.

**Al, Will, and Christina all give me the same knowing smile.**

"**What?" I say.**

"**Your Abnegation is showing," says Christina, "The rest of us are all right with a little public affection."**

"**Oh." I shrug. "Well… I guess I'll have to get over it, then."**

"**Or you can stay frigid," says Will, his green eyes glinting in mischief. "You know if you want."**

"You finally mentioned my eye color!" says Will. "It was like one of the first things you mentioned when you saw Four." "Maybe that's because Four has oddly colored eyes," Tris says. "Plus, his eyes are prettier than yours." "Aww, thanks Tris," I say.

"They are an odd color though," Caleb says, "The odds of you having that color are remarkably low, especially if one of your parents didn't have that color of eye." I snap my attention to Caleb. "Perhaps you got that color from your father?" No. I don't want them to know yet. "Shut up," I growl menacingly, "You will not mention my family or previous faction in connection with me before book-Tris finds out."

"You're not from-" I shoot Zeke a glare. "I won't deny or confirm any faction, so don't bother," I say. "What's the big deal?" asks Caleb. He sounds really frustrated, but I am too. What _is _the big deal? Why do I have to guard my past so fiercely? I consider these people my friends, well, all except Caleb, so why don't I trust them? What's wrong with me?

"If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's his business," Tris says, effectively stopping further inquiry. She leans back and puts her head on my shoulder. She then picks up one of my hands and places it over her heart. I smile down at her even though she can't see me. She always knows just what to say and do.

**Christina throws a roll at him. He catches it and bites it.**

"**Don't be mean to her," she says, "Frigidity is in her nature. Sort of like how being a know-it-all is in yours." **

"You need to work on sticking up for your fellow chicks," Lynn says, "Remember, hoes before bros." "Preach!" Tris says.

"**I am not frigid!" I exclaim.**

"**Don't worry about it," says Will. "It's endearing. Look, you're all red."**

**The comment only makes my face hotter. Everyone else chuckles. I force a laugh, and after a few seconds, it comes naturally.**

**It feels good to laugh again.**

"Page break," Marlene says.

**After lunch, Four leads us to a new room. It is huge, with a wood floor that is cracked and creaky and has a large circle painted in the middle. On the left wall is a green board- a chalkboard. My Lower Level teacher used one, but I haven't seen one since then. Maybe it has something to do with Dauntless priorities: training comes first, technology comes second.**

"Ding ding ding!" Uriah says, "Ladies and gents, we have a winner!" I'm pretty sure everyone in the circle is past questioning Uriah.

**Our names are written on the board in alphabetical order. Hanging at three-foot intervals along one end of the room are faded black punching bags.**

**We line up behind them and Four stands in the middle, where we can all see him.**

"**As I said this morning," says Four, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless."**

**I can't even think of life as a Dauntless. All I can think about is making it through initiation.**

"**We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other," says Four. "So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast get hurt."**

I can tell I'm not going to like the parts with some of Tris's fights. Namely, the one with Peter. I have enough trouble fighting the urge to strangle him as it is, which isn't that often, since he chose to work at the fence, but something tell me that after this book I may need to be restrained by others to stop from committing murder.

**Four names a few different punches, demonstrating each one as he does, first against the air and then against the punching bag. **

**I catch on as we practice. Like with the gun, I need a few tries to figure out how to hold myself and how to move my body to make it look like his. The kicks are more difficult, though he only teaches us the basics. The punching bag stings my hands and feet, turning my skin red, and barely moves no matter how hard I hit it. All around me is the sound of skin hitting tough fabric. **

**Four wanders through the crowd of initiates watching us as we go through the movements again. When he stops in front of me, my insides twist like someone's stirring them with a fork.**

"I wonder why that was?" Uriah says suggestively. "I was nervous, and I didn't know what he would do. For all I know he could've thought I sucked and kicked me out of Dauntless or something like that," Tris says. "Oh." Uriah seems to deflate a little. He's probably just disappointed Tris wasn't embarrassed by his pathetic excuse for teasing.

**He stares at me, his eyes following my body from head to feet, not ligerining anywhere-a practical, scientific gaze. **

"**You don't have much muscle," he says, "which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them."**

**Suddenly he presses a hand to my stomach. His fingers are so long that, though the heel of his hand touches one side of my rib cage, his fingers still touch the other side. My heart pounds so hard it hurts, and I stare at him, wide-eyed.**

"Why did you do that? Hmmm?" Uriah asks, waggling his eyebrow. "She needed to keep tension there," I say. "You could have just told me," Tris says. I shrug. I know I initiated contact with Tris more than was strictly necessary.

"**Never forget to keep tension here," he says in a quiet voice. **

**Four lifts his hand and keeps walking. I feel the pressure of his palm even after he's gone. It's strange, but I have to stop and breathe for a few seconds before I can keep practicing again.**

**When Four dismisses us for dinner, Christina nudges me with her elbow.**

"**I'm surprised he didn't break you in half," she says. She wrinkles her nose.**

I frown. I'm not cruel like Eric. Or like Marcus. I shake my head and try to focus on the reading.

"**He scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses."**

I feel my blood go cold. Uriah and Zeke start making fun of Christina, but I can't hear them. I feel like I have cotton balls stuffed into my head. Marcus used a quiet voice. It was terrifying. I know that, rationally, Christina being scared of me because of my voice doesn't make me my father. But I'm not thinking very rationally right now.

"**Yeah. He's…" I look over my shoulder at him. He is quiet, and remarkably self-possessed. But I wasn't afraid he would hurt me. "... definitely intimidating." **

Tris trusts me not to hurt her. Until I can trust myself not to hurt her, that will have to be enough.

**Al, who was in front of us, turns around once we reach the pit and announces, "I want a tattoo." **

**From behind us, Will asks, "A tattoo of what?"**

"**I don't know." Al laughs. "I just want to feel like I've finally left the old faction. Stop crying about it." When we don't respond, he adds, "I know you've heard me."**

"**Yeah, learn to quiet down, will you?" Christina pokes Al's thick arm. "I think you're right. We're half in, half out right now. If we want all the way in, we should look the part."**

Too many people get tattoos just to look the part. Almost everyone I know who have gotten tattoos just to fit in regret it about a week after they get them. Of course, getting a tattoo because you're dared too is no better, so I'm not one to talk.

**She gives me a look.**

"**No. I will not cut my hair," I say, "or dye it a strange color. Or pierce my face."**

"**How about your belly button?" she says.**

"**Or your nipple?" Will says with a snort. **

Caleb glares at Will. Whatever. This was in the past. Besides, Will is with Christina, and Tris is with me. I repeat this fact in my head until I don't care about it anymore.

**I groan.**

**Now that training is done for the day, we can do whatever we want until we sleep. The idea makes me feel almost giddy, although that might be from fatigue. **

**The Pit is swarming with people. Christina announces that she and I will meet Al and Will at the tattoo parlor and drags me toward the clothing place.**

"I was wondering when this was going to happen," Marlene says. Christina is notorious for dragging people on shopping trips. She's even dragged me on a shopping trip before. I tried to get away, but when shopping is on the line, Christina becomes incredibly strong.

"**What's wrong with my clothes?" I say. "I'm not wearing grey anymore."**

"**They're ugly and gigantic." She sighs. "Will you just let me help you? If you don't like what I put you in, you never have to wear it again, I promise." **

"Yeah, but she would make you shop with her until she found something you were okay with," says Lynn. "Or until you just give up," Tris adds. Christina huffs. "I'm sorry that I want my friends to look fabulous!" "More like you want to torture us," Lynn says. Tris nods. Christina hmphs and crosses her arms.

**Ten minutes later I stand in front of a mirror in the clothing place with wearing a knee-length black dress. The skirt isn't full, but it isn't stuck to my thighs, either- unlike the first one she picked out, which I refused. Goose bumps appear on my bare arms. She slips the tie from my hair and I shake it out of it's braids so it hangs wavy over my shoulders.**

**Then she holds up a black pencil.**

"Are you guys going to draw or something?" Caleb asks. He sounds and looks extremely confused. It doesn't surprise me. The Abnegation view makeup as selfish, and most Erudite view it as impractical, so he probably hasn't seen that much.

"**Eyeliner," she says.**

"**You aren't going to be able to make me pretty, you know."**

I roll my eyes. For someone so observant of others, she doesn't see herself very clearly.

**I close my eyes and hold still. She runs the tip of the pencil along the line of my eyelashes. I imagine standing in front of my family in these clothes, and my stomach twists like I might be sick.**

"Old habits die hard," Shauna says.

"**Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable." **

Christina is a good friend to Tris, so while I may not be a huge fan of hers, I do like her because of that.

**I open my eyes and for the first time stare openly at my reflection. My heart rate picks up as I do, like I'm breaking the rules and will be scolded for it.**

I know how she feels. I adverted my eyes from my reflection for months after coming to Dauntless. As Shauna said, old habits die hard.

**It will be hard to break the Abnegation thinking habits instilled in me, like tugging a single thread from a complex work of embroidery. But I will find new habits, new thoughts, new rules. I will become something else. **

"She'll become… an alien!" Uriah shouts.

"What do you see in him?" Zeke asks Marlene. Marlee shrugs. "He's funny…" She says it like it"s a question. It's a miracle Uriah got Marlene to date him. Personally, I suspect some form of hypnosis played a role in it.

**My eyes were blue before, but a dull, grayish blue- the eyeliner makes them piercing. With my hair framing my face, my features look softer and fuller. I am not pretty- my eyes are too big and my nose is too long- but I can see Christina is right. My face is noticeable.**

I sigh and wrap my arms around Tris, resting my chin on her shoulder. At least she's making progress I guess.

**Looking at myself now isn't like seeing myself for the first time; it's like seeing someone else for the first time. Beatrice was the girl I saw in stolen moments at the mirror, who kept quiet at the dinner table. This is someone who's eyes claim mine and don't release me; this is Tris.**

"**See?" she says, "You're… striking."**

**Under the circumstances, it's the best compliment she could have given me. I smile at her in the mirror. **

"**You like it?" she says. **

"**Yeah." I nod. "I look like… a different person."**

**She laughs. "That a good thing or a bad thing?"**

**I look at myself head-on again. For the first time, the idea of leaving my Abnegation identity doesn't make me nervous; it gives me hope.**

"Wow," Christina says, "I didn't know my makeovers were that miraculous." Tris rolls her eyes at Christina, but she doesn't say anything. I think the makeover really did help in a way. It helped her to see herself as herself and not just another Abnegation.

"**A good thing." I shake my head. "Sorry, I've just never been allowed to stare at my reflection this long."**

"**Really?" Christina shakes her head. "Abnegation is a strange faction, I have to tell you." **

"And Candor isn't? You can't have any secrets," Caleb says. "I think every faction is strange in it's own way," Shauna says.

"**Let's go watch Al get tattooed," I say. Despite the fact that I have left my old faction behind, I'm don't want to criticize it yet. **

She still hasn't gotten over that. She's fine with pointing out all of the other factions faults, just not Abnegations.

**At home, my mother and I picked up identical stacks of clothing every six months or so. It's easy to allocate resources when everyone gets the same thing, but everything is more varied at the Dauntless compound. Every Dauntless gets a certain amount of points to spend per month, and the dress costs one of them.**

**Christina and I race down the narrow path to the tattoo place. When we get there, Al is sitting in the chair already, and a small, narrow, man with more ink than bare skin is drawing a spider on his arm.**

She's probably talking about Bud. I haven't talked to him much, since Tori did both of my tattoos and I haven't gotten any peircings, but he seems okay. He doesn't talk much and he's laid back, unlike Tori who is laid back but talks quite a bit.

**Will and Christina flip through books of the pictures, elbowing each other when they find a good one. When they sit next to each other, I notice how opposite they are, Christina dark and lean, Will pale and solid, but alike in their easy smiles. **

"When did you notice we liked each other?" Christina asks. "A long time before you guys did," Tris says, laughing.

**I wander around the room, looking at the artwork on the walls. These days, the only artists are in Amity. Abnegation sees art as impractical, and its appreciation as time that could be spent serving others, so though I have seen works of art in textbooks, I have never been in a decorated room before. It makes the air feel close and warm, and I could get lost in here for hours without noticing. I skim the wall with my fingertips. A picture of a hawk on one wall reminds me of Tori's tattoo. Beneath it is a sketch of a bird in flight. **

"**It's a raven," a voice behind me says, "Pretty, right?"**

**I turn to see Tori standing there. I feel like I am back in the aptitude test room, with the mirrors all around me and the wires connected to my forehead. I never expected to see her again.**

"Why not?" Marlene asks. Tris shrugs. "There are quite a few people in Dauntless. Besides, I didn't know Tori was a tattoo artist. I didn't even know if she worked in the compound."

"**Well hello there." She smiles. "Never thought I would see you again. Beatrice, is it?" **

"**Tris, actually," I say, "Do you work here?"**

"**I do. I just took a break to administer the aptitude test. Most of the time I'm in here." She taps her chin. "I recognize that name. You were the first jumper weren't you?"**

"**Yes, I was." **

"**Well done."**

"**Thanks." I touch the sketch of the bird. "Listen- I need to talk to you about…" I glance over at Will and Christina. I can't corner Tori now; they'll ask questions. "... something. Sometime."**

"**I am not sure that would be wise," she says quietly. "I helped you as much as I could, and now you will have to go it alone."**

"Poor Tori," I say sympathetically. "What?" Tris asks. I roll my eyes. "Oh please, everyone here knows you're too stubborn to let it go. How many time did you have to badger her before she caved in?" I say. "She told me the next time I asked," she says defensively.

**I purse my lips. She has answers; I know she does. If she won't give them to me now, I will have to find a way to make her tell me some other time.**

"See?" I say. "I needed answers," Tris says, "It was either that or try to figure it out myself, and if I had done that, I probably wouldn't be alive now." "I know," I say. I definitely know. I worried about it so much after I figured out she was Divergent. I kept on worrying I would wake up one morning just to find out she had wound up like Amar.

"**Want a tattoo?" she says. **

**The bird sketch holds my attention. I never intended to get pierced or tattooed when I came here. I know that if I do, it will place another wedge between me and my family that I can never remove. And if my life here continues as it has been, it may soon be the least of the wedges between us. **

**But I understand now about what Tori said about her tattoo representing a fear she overcame- a reminder of where she was, as well as a reminder of where she is now. Maybe there is a way to honor my old life as I embrace the new one.**

"**Yes," I say. "Three of these flying birds."**

**I touch my collarbone, marking the path of their flight- toward my heart. One for each member of the family I left behind. **

"That is much prefered to you having my face on your back," Cale says. "I prefer this too," Tris says. "Do you have any other tattoos?" Caleb asks. Tris nods. "I have the Abnegation and Dauntless symbols as well. One on each shoulder." Caleb sighs. "At least you don't have a face tattoo," he says.

"The chapters over," Marlene says. "I'll read," Shauna says. Marlene passes the book to Lynn, who passes it to Shauna.

"Chapter 9…"

**Author's note: Hey. It's been a while. Sorry I took so long with this ****chapter. I kept getting distracted while writing it. But anywho, thanks to y'all who are reviewing and favoriting and stuff. And thanks for being patient with me. I have a short attention span sometimes, and I procrastinate a lot. Not a good combination. Oh, and I didn't spend as much time editing and such, so there may be a few more errors in this chapter than usual. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	9. Chapter 9

9

"**Since there are an odd number of you, one of you will not be fighting today," says Four, stepping away from the board in the training room. He gives me a look. The space next to my name is blank. **

**The knot in my stomach unravels. A reprieve. **

"How lucky for her," Caleb says, eyeing me suspiciously. "We determine fights by drawing names out of a hat," I say, "so I had nothing to do with the fact that she wasn't fighting." "A hat?" Caleb asks, "That is so high tech." I shrug. "It works."

"**This isn't good," says Christina, nudging me with her elbow. Her elbow prods on of my sore muscles- I have more sore muscles than not- sore muscles, this morning- and I wince.**

"**Ow."**

"**Sorry," she says. "But look. I'm up against the tank."**

**Christina and I sat together at breakfast, and earlier she shielded me from the rest of the dormitory as I changed. I haven't had a friend like her before. **

"That's because we're besties!" Christina squeals. "Of course," Tris says, smiling at Christina. Christina jumps up and hugs Tris. However, since Tris is on my lap, she winds up hugging me as well. "Think things through, Christina!" I yell. She stops hugging Tris and I. "I thought we were friends, Four," she says, fake sniffling. I roll my eyes. "Sure, whatever, but that was probably one of the most awkward experiences of my life." "I felt awkward just seeing it," Zeke says. "Fine!" Christina says, stamping back towards her spot, "I'll just stay over here since y'all apparently don't like me anymore." I sigh. She's such a drama queen sometimes.

**Susan was better friends with Caleb than me, and Robert only went where Susan went. I guess I haven't really had a friend, period.**

"That's pretty sad," Uriah says. Zeke nods. "It's depressing, really." "People aren't really friends in Abnegation," Tris says, "You can't be when you always need to make sure their needs are met and that you're not causing them any trouble."

"It's kind of hard to make friends in Erudite as well," Caleb says, "Some of the people act exactly like robots." "It's okay, Caleb," Uriah says emotionally, "We'll be your non-robot friends." "Thank you so much," Caleb says, flatly. "Oh no!" Zeke says, "They're turning him into a robot! We're too late!" "It's just so tragic!" Zeke and Uriah cry together. They both get out handkerchiefs and start crying. I'm pretty sure they're faking. Then again, you never know with those two.

**It's impossible to have a real friendship when no one feels like they can expect help or even talk about themselves. That won't happen here. I already know more about Christina than I ever knew about Susan, and it's only been two days.**

"I think Christina talking a lot probably factors into that as well," I say. Christina makes a sound of protest. "Probably," Tris says, nodding. "You guys are so rude!" Christina exclaims.

"**The Tank?" I find Christina's name on the board. Written next to it is "Molly."**

"**Yeah, Peter's slightly more feminine-looking minion," she says nodding to the cluster of people on the other side of the room. Molly is tall like Christina, but that is where the similarities end. She has broad shoulders, bronze skin, and a bulbous nose. **

Christina wrinkles her nose. "And she had a terrible fashion sense," she says, like that is the greatest sin of all. Actually, to Christina, that probably is the greatest sin of all. The sin of not being fabulous.

"**Those three"- Christina point at Peter, Drew, and Molly in turn- "Have been inseparable since they crawled out of the womb, practically. I hate them."**

"I would say that's harsh," Caleb says, "but something tells me they deserve it." No one bothers replying to Caleb. All of us here, besides Caleb, despise them. Not only because of what Peter and Drew did to Tris, but also because they were so arrogant. I for one, was extremely happy when I saw that Molly and Drew didn't make the cut. It's a shame Peter didn't decide to join them in the factionless.

**Will and Al stand across from each other in the arena. They put their hands up by their faces to protect themselves, as Four taught us, and circle around each other. Al is half a foot taller than Will, and twice as broad. As I stare at him, I realize that even his facial features are big- big nose, big lips, big eyes. This fight won't last long.**

"Don't you have any confidence in me?" Will asks. "Not really," Tris says. Will crosses his arms and pouts, muttering about how everyone expects him to lose.

**I glance at Peter and his friends. Drew is shorter than both Peter and Molly, but he is built like a boulder, and his shoulders are always hunched. His hair is orange-red, the color of an old carrot. **

"**What's wrong with them?" I ask.**

I snort. "What isn't wrong with them?"

"**Peter is pure evil. When we were kids, he would pick fights with people from other factions and then, when an adult would come over and break it up, he'd cry and make up some story about how the other kid started it. And of course, they believed him, because we were Candor and couldn't lie. Ha ha." **

"What a jerk!" Shauna says. Caleb nods. I look over at Caleb. He's the only one here that doesn't know that Peter, Drew, and Al almost killed Tris. I wonder how he'll react when that time comes?

**Christina wrinkles her nose and adds, "Drew is just his sidekick. I doubt he has an independent thought in his brain. And Molly… she's the kind of person who fries ants with a magnifying glass just to watch them flail around."**

"She sounds so delightful," Caleb says. Uriah nods. "It's a shame I never got to talk to her. We could've had tea together." "That would've been lovely," Caleb says. Tris and I look over at Caleb. He's acting a lot like Uriah…

"Uriah has infected Caleb!" Tris yells. "Run for your lives!" "The horror!" I say. "Oh, ha ha. I'm fabulous and you guys know it," Uriah says, flipping his imaginary hair. "Keep telling yourself that, kid," Zeke says. Uriah huffs and crosses his arms. "Whatever,"

**In the arena, Al punches Will hard in the jaw. I wince. Across the room, Eric smirks at Al, and turns one of his rings in his eyebrows.**

"He's there too?" Caleb asks disgustedly. "Unfortunately," Tris says.

**Will stumbles to the side, one hand pressed to his face and blocks Al's next punch with his free hand. Judging by his grimace, blocking the punch is as painful as a blow would have been. Al is slow, but powerful.**

"How much time do you spend analyzing people?" Will asks. Tris shrugs. "I call things as I see them. I don't consciously decide to do it."

**Peter, Drew, and Molly, cast furtive looks and the pull their heads together, whispering.**

"**I think they know we're talking about them," I say. **

"**So? They already know I hate them."**

"**They do? How?"**

"You're seriously asking your Candor friend how other people from her faction knew how she felt?" Zeke asks. Tris blushes slightly. "Like you've never asked a stupid question," Tris says.

**Christina fakes a smile at them and waves. I look down, my cheeks warm. I shouldn't be gossiping anyway. Gossiping is self indulgent. **

"It can also be a useful way to get info," I point out. "Meh," Tris says, "I'd rather just go right to the source. It's surprisingly easy to get people to talk." Zeke and Uriah both pale. Something tells me that they were the ones who told Tris where their pop-tarts and cake were hidden. I really don't want to know what Tris did to make them talk.

**Will hooks a foot around one of Al's legs and yanks back, knocking Al to the ground. Al scrambles to his feet.**

"**Because I've told them," she says, through the gritted teeth of her smile. Her teeth are straight on top and crooked on the bottom.**

Christina covers her mouth with her hand. "Omg Trissy why would you say that?" "How was I supposed to know this was going to be read aloud**, **Chrissy? Besides, I didn't say it, I just noticed it," Tris says. "Well, you shouldn't have noticed it then!" Christina snaps. "Ok then, I guess I just won't pay attention to you." "Good."

**She looks at me. "We try to be pretty honest about our feelings in Candor. **

"Really? I never would have guessed," Zeke says. Shauna slaps him upside the head. Zeke scoots closer to me. I don't know why he did that. Since Tris is on my lap, she can reach him now, and I'm betting she hits harder than Shauna.

**Plenty of people have told me they don't like me. And plenty of people haven't. Who cares?"**

"Lots of people," Caleb says, "People are social animals. In fact there was this one study where they-" "That's nice," Tris says, interrupting him. Caleb frowns. "But I haven't finished yet." "I know," Tris says, "but I don't want to be here for the couple of years it would take you to finish talking about whatever it was you were talking about." "It wouldn't have taken me that long," he mutters, but he doesn't try to explain it anymore.

"**We just . . . weren't supposed to hurt people," I say.**

"**I like to think I'm helping them by hating them," she says. "I'm reminding them they aren't God's gift to humankind."**

"You didn't help them enough," I say. "Yeah," Christina says, "But there is only so much I could do. They were lost causes." "Sad, but true," Tris says, nodding her head.

**I laugh a little at that and focus on the arena again. Will and Al face each other for a few more seconds, more hesitant than they were before. Will flicks his pale hair away from his eyes. They glance at Four like they're waiting for him to call the fight off, but he stands there with his arms folded, giving no response. A few feet away from him, Eric checks his watch. **

**After a few seconds of circling, Eric shouts, "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap-time? Fight each other!"**

"Nap-time would have been nice," Will says, "They should really build that into the curriculum." "Napping 101?" Tris says. "Exactly," Will says, nodding, "It would teach you the proper napping forms. After all, rest is extremely important."

Zeke starts cracking up, and we all look at him questioningly. "Can you imagine Four teaching that?" he asks, still laughing, "Like, just picture him curled up on the floor with a teddy bear and a blanky." Everyone else starts laughing now too. "I don't know whether that image is terrifying or hilarious," Uriah says. "Hey," I say as seriously as I can, "Teddy bears are invaluable to proper napping form. Pink, of course, is the best color for them."

A couple minutes later Marlene wipes the tears from her eyes and starts reading again, hiccuping a little from laughing so hard.

"**But…" Al straightens, letting his hands down and says, "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"**

"**It ends when one of you is unable to continue," says Eric.**

All of a sudden, I imagine Eric teaching napping 101. He'd have a pink blanky and teddy bear, and would be demonstrating the fetal position napping style. I start coughing from holding my laughs in.

Tris looks back at me questioningly. I lean in and whisper into her ear, "Imagined Eric teaching napping 101." Tris gets a huge grin on her face, and I can tell she's trying to suppress laughter. "Oh God," she says, laughing quietly, "That's probably one of the most horrifying images I've ever had in my brain."

"**According to Dauntless rules," Four says, "one of you could always conceed."**

"Something tells me he doesn't like that rule," Caleb says. "Who, Eric?" Tris asks, with mock surprise, "But he's such a big softy. Four on the other hand, is a huge meany." "So, you're saying that you're dating a big meanie?" I ask. "Yep!" Tris says, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

**Eric narrows his eyes at Four. "According to the old rules," he says, "In the new rules, no one concedes."**

"**A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," Four replies.**

"**A brave man never surrenders."**

**Four and Eric stare at each other for a few seconds. I feel like I am looking at two different kinds of Dauntless- the honorable kind, and the ruthless kind. **

"Why thank you," I say, smirking. "I didn't specify who the honorable one was," Tris says. I lean forward so my mouth is by Tris's ear. "If you think Eric is an honorable person, then by all means break up with me and start going out with him." Tris starts gagging. "That's disgusting, Tobias. I wouldn't joke about you going out with Molly." "so I take it I am the honorable kind of Dauntless?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her. "I suppose," Tris says, sighing in defeat. I grin triumphantly.

**But even I know that in this room, it's Eric, the youngest leader of the Dauntless, who has the authority.**

**Beads of sweat dot Al's forehead; he wipes them with the back of his hand. **

"**This is ridiculous," Al says, shaking his head. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"**

"He has a point," Caleb says. I shrug. "Being able to fight is a useful skill to have," I say, "and the best way to learn how to fight is to fight." Caleb rolls his eyes at me. "When was the last time you had to use those skills?" "Three days ago." Caleb gives me a disbelieving look. "Why?" "Some drunk was harassing Tris," I say. "And even though I could have taken care of it myself, he just had to play the over-protective boyfriend and get in a fight," Tris says, folding her arms. "It's a good reason though," Caleb says.

Tris rolls her eyes. I know she doesn't like to accept help because she thinks it makes her look weak, but I think that's stupid. Accepting help doesn't mean you're too weak to do it yourself, it just means that you have someone who loves you enough to want to do it for you.

"**Oh, you think it's going to be that easy?" Will asks, grinning. "Go on. Try to hit me, slowpoke." **

**Will puts his hands up again. I see determination in Will's eyes that wasn't there before. Does he really believe he can win? One hard shot to the head and Al will knock him out cold. **

**That is, if he can actually hit Will. Al tries to punch, and Will ducks, the back of his neck shining with sweat. He dodges another punch, slipping around Al and kicking him hard in the back. Al lurches forward and turns. **

"You better make my knock-out sound cool," Will says. "I will contact my past self immediately and tell her to observe you in a way that makes you seem cool," Tris says.

**When I was younger, I read a book about grizzly bears. There was a picture of one on it's hind legs with it's paws outstretched, roaring. This is how Al looks now. He charges at Will, grabbing his arms so he can't slip away, and punches him hard in the jaw. **

**I watch the light leave Will's eyes, which are pale green, like celery. **

"Hey," Will says, "You finally mentioned my eye color." "Were you seriously waiting for that?" Tris asks. "I just don't think you did my striking good looks justice when you first mentioned me," Will says. Tris rolls her eyes. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Will."

**They roll back into his head, and all the tension leaves his body. He slips from Al's grasp, dead weight, and crumples to the floor. Cold rushes down my back and fills my chest. **

"I crumpled in a manly way though, right?" Will asks. "Of course," Tris assures him.

**Al's eyes widen and crouches next to Will, tapping his cheek with one hand. The room falls silent as we wait for Will to respond. For a few seconds, he doesn't, just lies on the ground with his arm bent beneath him. Then he blinks, clearly dazed.**

"**Get him up," Eric says. He stares with greedy eyes at Will's fallen body, like the sight is a meal and he hasn't eaten in weeks. The curl of his lips is cruel**

Will shudders. "Thanks for the nightmare worthy imagery, Tris," he says. "No problem," Tris says.

**Four turns to the chalkboard and circles Al's name. Victory.**

"**Next up- Molly and Christina!" shouts Eric. Al pulls Will's arms across his shoulders and drags him out of the arena.**

**Christina cracks her knuckles. I would wish her luck, but I don't know what good that would do. Christina isn't weak, but she is much narrower than than Molly. Hopefully her height will help her. **

**Across the room, Four supports Will from the waist and leads him out. Al stands for a moment by the door, watching them go. Four leaving makes me nervous. leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends their time sharpening knives.**

I'm not so sure my presence would have prevented him from making Christina dangling off the railing.

**Christina tucks her hair behind her ears. It is chin length, black, and pinned back with silver clips. She cracks another knuckle. She looks nervous, and no wonder- who wouldn't be nervous after watching Will collapse like a rag doll?**

"Tris! Rag dolls aren't manly," Will whines. "Like I said before, I call 'em like I see 'em," Tris replies.

**If conflict in Dauntless ends in one person standing, I am unsure of what this part of initiation will do to me. Will I be Al, standing over a man's body, knowing I'm the one who put them on the ground, or will I be Will, lying in a helpless heap? And is it selfish of me to crave victory, or is it brave? I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.**

"We could rename the segment to deep thoughts with ten," Uriah says. "What?" Tris asks. "Well, Four is Four, and you're Six, and four plus six is ten, so we would rename the segment to deep thoughts with ten because both of you are surprisingly deep," Uriah says. I shake my head. I don't think I'll ever understand that kid's logic.

**I snap to attention when Christina kicks Molly in the side. Molly gasps and grits her teeth like she's about to growl through them. A lock of stringy black hair falls in front of her face, but she doesn't brush it away. **

**Al stands next to me, but I'm too focused on the new fight to look at him, or congratulate him on winning, assuming that's what he wants. I am not sure.**

I work my jaw up and down. I'm sure Al would've loved it if Tris congratulated him, or even talked to him at all. _Cut it out Tobias. Are you seriously jealous of a dead kid? _I shake my head a little and refocus on the reading.

**Molly smirks at Christina, and without warning, dives, hands outstretched, at Christina's midsection. She hit her hard, knocking her down, and pins her to the ground. Christina thrashes but Molly is heavy and doesn't budge. **

I glance at Will. He wasn't there when Christina got beat up by Molly. Or when she had to hang over the chasm. At first glance, Will looks okay, but then I notice that his jaw is tense and his eyes are hard. This next part probably isn't going to be that great for him to hear.

**She punches, and Christina moves her head out of the way, but Molly just punches again, and again, until her fist connects with Christina's jaw, her nose, her mouth. Without thinking, I grab Al's arm and squeeze it as tightly as I can.**

My jaw tenses. _I am not jealous of a dead kid. _No matter how many times I repeat that mantra, I can't seem to shake this feeling. Tris turns so she's sitting sideways on my lap and drapes one of her arms around my shoulders. "You're so jealous, Toby," she says quietly. I sigh. Knowing my jealousy is unfounded doesn't make me stop being jealous.

**I just need something to hold onto. Blood runs down the side of Christina's face and splatters on the ground next to her cheek. This is the first time I have ever prayed for someone to fall unconscious. **

**But she doesn't. Christina screams and drags one of her arms free. She punches Molly in the ear, knocking her off-balance and wriggles free. She comes to her knees, holding her face with one hand. The blood streaming from her nose is thick and dark and covers her fingers in seconds. She screams again and crawls away from Molly. I can tell by the heaving of her shoulders that she is sobbing, but I can barely hear her over the throbbing in my ears. **

The mood in the room is heavy. So heavy, that I feel the weight of it pressing down onto me. Will is shaking in his spot, a pained and furious look etched onto his face. Christina, Zeke, Uriah, and Caleb are all uncharacteristically silent. Marlene and Shauna look more gaunt than usual, while Tris and Lynn have hardened expressions on their faces. We all personify the mood differently, but we all show it. I wonder, if this is how we're reacting to this fight, how it will be later on. Like Caleb, I have a feeling this book is just going to get worse as time progresses.

_**Please go unconscious. **_

**I clench my teeth from crying out. I had no sympathy for Al the first night, but I am not cruel yet; the sight of Christina clutching her rib cage makes me want to stand between her and Molly. **

My frown lessens a little. She would do that.

"**Stop!" wails Christina as Molly pulls back her foot to kick again. She holds out a hand. "Stop! I'm…" She coughs. "I'm done."**

"Oh no," Caleb mutters burying his face in his hands. "What?" Marlene asks, confused, "She conceded. What is there to oh no?" "You really think Eric is going to be okay with her conceding?" Caleb asks. Marlene rubs her face with her hand. "No, he's not," she says.

**Molly smiles and I sigh in relief. Al sighs too, his rib cage lifting and falling against my shoulder. Eric walks toward the center of the arena, his movements slow, and stands over Christina with his arms folded. He says quietly, "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?"**

"Ugh. You've got to be kidding me," Zeke says, "Eric is such an asshole. He always has to act so tough and cruel. It's a good thing they exiled him from Dauntless headquarters, or I think I may have accidentally wound up murdering him." "I think that a lot of people would try to accidently murder him, bro," Uriah says. I nod, "They would probably have had to make a lottery to decide who gets to accidentally murder him," I say. Zeke sighs. "Too bad they didn't do that," he says.

**Christina pushes herself to her knees. When she takes her hand from the ground, it leaves a red handprint behind. She pinches her nose to stop the bleeding and nods.**

"**Get up," he says. If he had yelled, I might not have felt like everything inside my stomach was about to come out of it. If he had yelled, I would have known that yelling was the worst that he planned to do. But his voice is quiet and his words precise.**

I try not to, but I can't help thinking about how Marcus was the same way. One of the things that scared me the most about him was that I almost never heard him raise his voice. I would've taken yelling and screaming over that cold, smooth voice of his any day.

**He grabs Christina's arm, yanks her to her feet, and drags her out the door.**

"**Follow me," he says to the rest of us. And we do.**

**I feel the roar of the river in my chest. We stand near the railing. The Pit is almost empty; it is the middle of the afternoon, though it feels like it's been night for days.**

**If there were people around, I doubt any of them would have helped Christina. We are with Eric, for one thing, and for another, the Dauntless have different rules- rules that brutality does not violate.**

I sigh. She's right. However, slowly, so slowly, I'm beginning to see some of the Dauntless turn away from brutality and towards bravery. Maybe, years down the road, this faction will be how it was meant to be again.

**Eric shoves Christina against the railing.**

"**Climb over it," he says.**

Caleb's jaw falls open. I'm surprised I didn't hear it bang on the floor.

"**What?" She says it like she expects him to relent, but her wide eyes and ashen face suggest otherwise. Eric will not back down.**

"**Climb over the railing," Eric says, pronouncing each word slowly. "If you can hang over the railing for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation."**

And I once heard Eric wonder why no one likes him. Gee, it's a real mystery.

**The railing is narrow and made of metal. The spray from the river coats it, making it slippery and cold. Even if Christina Is brave enough to hang from the railing for five minutes, she may not be able to hold on. Either she decides to be factionless, or she risks death.**

**When I close my eyes, I imagine her falling onto the jagged rocks below and shudder.**

"Zeke was right," Christina says, "You are ridiculously pessimistic." "No," Tris says, "I was being realistic. The odds were not in your favor." "Still, show some confidence in others." "Meh. Why bother? Most people fail to do what they are asked. Like when you ask two brothers not to break into your apartment," Tris says, cutting a glare at the two brothers. They both scoot a little bit farther from Tris.

"**Fine," she says, her voice shaking.**

**She is tall enough to swing her leg over the railing. Her foot shakes. She puts her toes on the ledge as she lifts her other leg over. Facing us, she wipes her hand on her pants and holds onto the railing so tight that her knuckles turn white. Then she takes one foot off the ledge. And then the other. I see her face between the bars of the barrier, determined, her lips pressed together.**

**Next to me, Al sets his watch. **

**For the first minute and a half, Christina is fine. Her hands stay firm around the railing and her arms don't shake. I start to think she might make it and show Eric how foolish he was to doubt her.**

Dangling there for a minute and a half without anything really happening is quite an accomplishment. Most would have shaky arms after the first 30 seconds. I wouldn't have climbed over the railing at all.

**But then the river hits the wall, **

Of course it does. Because something even worse always has to happen.

**and white water sprays against Christina's back. Her face strikes the barrier and she cries out. Her hands slip so she's just holding on by her fingertips. She tries to get a better grip, but now her hands are wet.**

**If I help her, Eric would make my fate the same as hers. Will I let her fall to her death, or will I resign myself to being factionless? What's worse: to be idle while someone dies, or to be exiled and empty handed?**

Actually, if Tris had helped Christina, he probably would have made Tris dangle in there with her, and since she doesn't have much muscle, Tris definitely would have died.

**My parents would have no trouble answering that question. But I am not my parents. **

**As far as I know, Christina hasn't cried since we got here, but now her face crumples and she lets out a sob louder than the river. Another wave hits the wall and the spray coats her body. One of the droplets hits my cheek. Her hands slip again, and this time, one of them falls from the railings, so she's hanging by four fingertips. **

"**Come on, Christina," Al says, his voice surprisingly loud. She looks at him. He claps. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it." **

I'm surprised Caleb hasn't asked about Al yet. He probably just thinks he didn't make the cut, and doesn't want to bring it up because he thinks it'll be a sore subject for Tris.

**Would I even be strong enough to hold onto her? Would it be worth my effort to try and help her when I know I'm too weak to do any good?**

**I know what those questions are: excuses.**

_**Human reasoning can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important that we don't rely on it. **_**My father's words. **

"Have you visited father?" Caleb asks. Tris shakes her head, an ashamed look on her face, "I haven't visited anyone yet." "In that case, do you want to visit our parents with me when we finish this book?" Caleb asks. Tris gives a small smile to her brother. "Of course."

**Christina swings her arm, fumbling for the railing. No one else cheers her on, but Al brings his big hands together and shouts, his eyes holding hers. I wish I could; I wish I could move, but I just stare at her and wonder how long I've been this disgustingly selfish.**

"Oh no!" Christina says mockingly, "You're thinking of yourself for once! How awful of you."

**I stare at Al's watch. Four minutes have passed. He elbows me hard in the shoulder. **

"**Come on," I say. My voice is a whisper. I clear my throat. "One minute left," I say, louder this time. Christina's other hand finds the railing again. Her arms shake so hard, I wonder if the earth is quaking beneath me, jiggling my vision, and I just didn't notice.**

"**Come on, Christina," Al and I say, and as our voices join, I believe I might be strong enough to help her.**

**I will help her. If she slips again, I will help her. **

"Thanks, Tris," Christina says. "Hey, that's what besties are for, right?" Tris says, a small smile on her lips. Christina laughs. "Yep, that's what besties do. Save each other from falling to their demise."

**Another wave of water splashes against Christina's back, and she shrieks as both hands slip off the railing. A scream launches from my mouth. It sounds like it belongs to someone else. **

**But she doesn't fall. She grabs the bars of the barrier. Her fingers slide down the metal until I can't see her anymore; they are all i see. Al's watch reads 5:00.**

"Woooo!" Zeke and Uriah cheer.

"**Five minutes are up," he says, almost spitting the words at Eric. Eric checks his own watch. Taking his time, tilting his wrist, while all the while my stomach twist and I can't breathe. When I blink, I see Rita's sister on the pavement below the tracks, limbs bent at strange angles; I see Rita screaming and sobbing; I see myself turning away.**

"**Fine," Eric says, "You can come up, Christina."**

**Al walks toward the railing.**

"**No," Eric says, "She has to do it on her own."**

Zeke and Uriah boo and hiss. I guess they cheered too soon.

"**No she doesn't," Al growls, "She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said."**

I raise my eyebrows. Before the second stage of initiation, Al appeared to be a really good friend. I had always just thought of him as an initiate, and then, as one of Tris's attackers. I had never really thought of the fact that him and Tris used to be friends.

**Eric doesn't respond. Al reaches over the railing, and he's so tall that he can reach Christina's wrist. She grabs his forearm. Al pulls her up, his face red with frustration, and i run forward to help. I'm too short to do much good, as I suspected, but I grip Christina under the shoulder once she's high enough, and Al and I haul her over the barrier. She drops to the ground, her face blood-smeared from the fight, her back soaking wet, her body quivering.**

**I kneel next to her. Her eyes lift to mine, and then shift to Al, and we all catch our breath together.**

"Done," Shauna sighs. "Here you go sis." Shauna passes the book to Lynn and then takes a huge gulp of water.

"Chapter 10…"

**Author's note: These chapter are so long! Also, I just realized that I have an issue with Veronica Roth. The only character she describes as a red head is Drew, a bad guy. Way to discriminate! I'm a red head, and I for one am pretty tired of seeing red headed villains and bullies. Anywho, thanks for the reviews and everything, I'll update as soon as possible.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	10. Chapter 10

10

**That night I dream that Christina hangs from the railing again, by her toes this time, and someone shouts that only someone who is Divergent can help her. So I run pull her up, but someone shoves me over the edge and I wake before I hit the rocks.**

**Sweat-soaked and shaky from the dream, I walk into the girl's bathroom to shower and change. When I come back, the word "Stiff" is spray painted across my mattress in red. **

"Peter?" Caleb guesses.

**The word is written smaller along the bed frame, and again on my pillow. I look around, my heart pounding and anger.**

**Peter stands behind me, whistling as he fluffs his pillow. It's hard to believe I could hate someone who looks so kind- his eyebrows turn upward naturally, and he has a wide, white smile**

"Why wasn't he fined for property damages or something?" Christina asks. "Eric decided to ignore it," I say. I wonder why. Something tells me if Peter had written nose on any of the former Erudite beds he would've fined him.

"**Nice decorations," he says.**

"**Did I do something to you that I am unaware of?" I demand. I grab the corner of a sheet and yank it away from the mattress. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in the same faction now."**

"**I don't know what you're referring to," he says lightly. Then he glances at me. "And you and I will never be int the same faction."**

"His prediction skills could use a little work," Uriah says. Zeke nods. "Luckily, I offer fortune telling classes." "No you don't," Shauna says. "Yeah I do," Zeke says. "I can't believe you didn't know that." I'm not sure if Zeke is joking or not. I could actually see him teaching Peter how to tell the future.

**I shake my head as I remove my pillowcase from my pillow. **_**Don't get angry. **_**He want's to get a rise out of me; he won't. But every time he fluffs his pillow, I think about punching him in the gut.**

"Boo. You should have," Uriah says. "You mean I should have gotten beaten up?" Tris asks. "I couldn't beat Peter back then. I'm not sure if I'd be able to now." Tris might not be able to beat Peter up, but I could and would.

**Al walks in, and I don't even have to ask him to help me; he just walks over and stripes bedding with me. I will have to scrub the bedframe later. Al carries the stack of sheets over to the trash can and together we walk toward the training room.**

"**Ignore him," Al says. "He's an idiot, and if you don't get angry, he'll stop eventually."**

Well, he might have left her alone if she hadn't started out ranking him.

"**Yeah." I touch my cheek. They are still warm with an angry blush. I try to distract myself. "Did you talk to Will?" I ask quietly. "After. . .you know."**

"**Yeah, he's fine. He isn't angry." Al sighs. "Now I'll always be remembered as the first person who knocked someone out cold."**

It's remarkable how much the second stage of initiation changed him. Before it, he felt remorse for knocking one of his friends out. After it, he almost killed one.

"**There are worse ways to be remembered. At least they won't antagonize you."**

"**There are better ways too," He nudges me with his elbow, smiling. "First-jumper."**

**Maybe I was the first jumper, but I suspect that is where my Dauntless fame begins and ends.**

All the Dauntless in the room laugh. Tris is extremely well known. She has six fears, was the first in her initiate class, first-jumper, she's a faction ambassador, and she's dating a "Dauntless prodigy".

"What?" Caleb asks, confused. "Tris is really well known in Dauntless," Marlene says. "Why?" Caleb asks. "Did you get a good ranking or something?" Tris shakes her head. "I'm not telling you my ranking. That would be a spoiler."

"She's well known for a couple of reasons," Zeke says. "She's really scary, a faction ambassador, and she's dating Four." "What's so special about her dating Four?" Caleb asks. I feel like I should be insulted. "Four was first-rank in his initiate class, has the lowest documented amount of fears, and is considered a Dauntless prodigy." I smirk at Caleb as he gapes at me. "Basically," I say, "I'm perfect."

**I clear my throat. "On of you had to get knocked out, you know. If it hadn't been him, it would have been you."**

"**Still, I don't want to do it again," Al shake his head, too many times, too fast. He sniffs. "I really don't."**

**We reach the door to the training room and I say, "But you have to." He has a kind face. Maybe he is too kind for Dauntless.**

"Didn't you just say Peter has a kind face?" Caleb asks.

**I look at the chalkboard when I walk in. I didn't have to fight yesterday, but today I definitely will. When I see my name, I stop in the middle of my step.**

**My opponent is Peter.**

"Stupid choosing hat thing," mumble Caleb.

"**Oh no," Christina says, who shuffles in behind us. Her face is bruised, and she looks like she is trying not to limp. When she sees the board, she crumples the muffin wrapper she is holding in her fist. "Are they serious? They're really going to make **_**you**_ **fight him?"**

"Is he really that good?" Caleb asks. "The only person who could beat him was Edward," Christina says.

**Peter is almost a foot taller than I am, and yesterday, he beat up Drew in less than five minutes. Today Drew's face is more black-and-blue than flesh toned.**

"**Maybe you could just take a few hits and pretend to go unconscious," suggests Al. "No one would blame you."**

"Pansycake!" Uriah says.

"**Yeah," I say. "Maybe."**

**I stare at my name on the board. My cheeks feel hot. Al and Christina are just trying to help, but the fact that they don't believe, not even in the tiniest corner of their minds, that I have a chance against Peter bothers me.**

"I just thought you were a weakling," Christina says. "S'okay," Tris says. "As long as you no longer think that." "Of course not," Christina says, "You're able to scare Four. That's pretty impressive." "She doesn't scare me," I say. Tris looks at me and raises her eyebrows. "She terrifies me," I say. Tris smiles and pats my head. "Good boy," she says, like I'm a dog.

**I stand at the side of the room, half listening to Al and Christina's chatter, and watch Molly fight Edward. He's much faster than she is, so I'm sure Molly will not win today. **

**As the fight goes on and my irritation fades, I start to get nervous. Four told us yesterday to exploit out opponents weaknesses, and aside from his utter lack of likeable qualities, Peter doesn't have any.**

"Actually," I say, "He does. He's arrogant, which means he's more likely to do something stupid out of pride." "Because that totally helps me now," Tris says. I shrug. "There are quite a few people like Peter. Once you're able to recognize their type, it's a lot easier to deal with them."

The arrogant type is surprisingly easy to win against. You just have to insult them a bunch so they loose their cool. An angry fighter is an easily distracted fighter.

**He's tall enough to be strong but not so big that he's slow; he has an eye for other people's soft spots; he's vicious and won't show me any mercy. I would like to say that he underestimates me, but that would be a lie. I am as unskilled as he suspects. **

I sigh. She was really bad back then. She's gotten better though. While she may not be able to beat Peter, she could definitely hold her own against him now.

**Maybe Al is right, and I should just take a few hits and pretend to be unconscious. But I can't afford not to try. I can't be ranked last. By the time Molly peels herself off the ground, looking only half-conscious thanks to Edward, my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my fingertips. I can't remember how to stand. I can't remember how to punch. I walk to the center of the arena and my guts writhe as Peter comes toward me, taller than I remembered, arm muscles standing at attention. He smiles at me. I wonder if throwing up on him will do me any good.**

"You should have!" Christina says. "Yeah," Uriah says, "While he was busy being grossed out, you could've knocked him out or something." "I'll keep that in my mind if I ever have to fight Peter againI ," Tris says. It would've been pretty amusing if Tris had thrown up on Peter. Gross, but amusing.

**I doubt it.**

"**You okay there, Stiff?" he says. "You look like you're about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry."**

I scowl. Peter is so much like Eric, it's kind of uncanny.

**Over Peter's shoulder, I see Four standing by the door with his arms folded. His mouth is puckered, like he just swallowed something sour. Next to him is Eric, who taps his foot faster than my heartbeat. **

"**Come on, Stiff," he says, his eyes glinting, "Just one little tear. Maybe some begging."**

I take in a deep breathe through my nose, trying to calm down. I try to imagine how Peter would react if he knew that I was a "Stiff." Or anyone else, for that matter. Very few remember what faction I transferred from. Those who do either don't care, or respect me enough to not go around making fun of it.

**The thought of begging Peter for mercy makes me taste bile, and on an impulse, I kick him in the side. Or I would have kicked him in the side, if he hadn't caught my foot and yanked it forward, knocking me off-balance. My back smack into the floor, and I pull my foot free, scrambling to my feet.**

**I have to stay on my feet so he can't kick me in the head. That's the only thing I can think about.**

That kind of single-mindedness is not good in a fight. When you're fighting, you have to be able to think on your feet.

"**Stop playing with her," snaps Eric. ""I don't have all day."**

**Peter's mischievous look disappears. His arm twitches and pain stabs my jaw and spreads across my face, making my vision go black around the edges and my ears ring. I blink and lurch to the side as the room dips and sways. I don't remember his fist coming at me. **

"I spent the whole fight hoping that you would go unconscious," Christina says. "You and me both," Tris says, laughing.

**I am too off-balance to do anything but move away from him, as far as the arena will allow. He darts in front of me and kicks me hard in the stomach. His kick forces the air from my lungs and it hurts, hurts so badly I can't breathe, or maybe that's because of the kick, I don't know, I just fall. **

"It seems like you spent of this fight not knowing what was going on," Will says. "I spent a lot of initiation not knowing what was going on," Tris replies. "True," Christina says, laughing.

_**On your feet**_ **is the only thought in my mind. I see a solid mass in front of me, a body. I punch as hard as I can, and my fist hits something soft. Peter barely groans, and smacks my ear with the flat of his palm, laughing under his breathe. I hear ringing and and try to blink some of the black patches out of my eyes; how did something get in my eye?**

**Out of my peripheral vision, I see Four shove the door open and walk out. Apparently this fight isn't interesting enough for him. Or maybe he's going to find out why everything is spinning like a top, and I don't blame him; I want to know the answer too.**

I almost smile. If she weren't getting beaten up, this would be hilarious. Her general confusion is extremely amusing. Plus, she noticed when I left, so that's something.

**My knees give out and the floor is cool beneath my cheek. Something slams into my side, and I scream for the first time, a high screech that belongs to someone else and not me, and it slams into my side again, and I can't see anything at all, not even whatever is right in front of my face, the lights out. Someone shouts, "Enough!" and I think **_**too much **_**and **_**nothing at all.**_

"Finally!" Caleb exclaims. "I thought that fight would go on forever."

"Why did you leave during Tris's fight, Four?" Uriah asks suggestively. "Spoilers," I say. The field trip to the fence isn't that far away, so he can wait until then for his answer.

**When I wake up, I don't feel much, but the inside of my head is fuzzy, like it's packed with cotton balls. I know that I lost, and the only thing keeping the pain at bay is what is making it difficult to think straight. **

"**Is her eye already black?" someone asks. **

**I open one eye- the other stays shut like it's glued that way. Sitting to my right are Will and Al; Christina sits on the bed to my left with an icepack on her jaw. **

"**What happened to your face?" I say. My lips feel clumsy and too large.**

I roll my eyes. Her selflessness sometimes borders being ridiculous. She just got beat up, and here she is worrying about her friend's face, which if I recall correctly, wasn't as half as bad as her own.

**She laughs. "Look who's talking. Should we get you an eyepatch?"**

"Aye matey," Uriah says. "What?" Zeke asks. "I said, AYE MATEY!" Uriah yells. "And I said, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" bellows Zeke. "IT MEANS AYE MATEY!" Uriah screams. Zeke opens his mouth to yell again, but Tris leans over and puts her hand on his head. "Don't bother," Tris says, shaking her head. "He never makes any sense."

Uriah, oblivious to Tris's comment, just sits, muttering things to himself. "Argh, someones out to steal my delicious pop-tart booty. I'll have to leave them stranded out at sea. Argh."

I am thoroughly confused by Uriah now, and fear for his mental stability.

"**Well, I already know what happened to my face," I say, "I was there. Sort of."**

"**Did you just make a joke Tris?" Will says, grinning. "We should get you on painkillers more often if you're going to start cracking jokes. Oh and the answer to your question- I beat her up."**

"Beating up your future girlfriend? Tsk, tsk, Will," I say. Tris snorts. "Like you have any room to talk. Or do you not remember what happened whenever you threw knives at me?" Tris whispers to me. "Touché," I say.

"**I can't believe you couldn't beat Will," Al says, shaking his head.**

"**What? He's good," she says, shrugging.**

"Or maybe you were just bad," Uriah says.

"**Plus, I think I've finally figured out how to stop losing. I just need to stop people from punching me in the jaw."**

""Isn't that kind of obvious?" Caleb says. "You would think," Zeke replies, "But Christina is a special person." "Hey!" Christina says. "Ah," Caleb says, ignoring her.

"**You know, you think you would have figured that out already." Will winks at her. **

"Uriah waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Will, who then promptly blushes.

"**Now I know why you aren't Erudite. Not to bright, are you?"**

"**You feeling okay Tris?" Al says. His eyes are dark brown, almost the same color as Christina's skin. His cheeks look rough, like if he didn't shave it, he would have a thick beard. Hard to believe he's only sixteen. **

"How old are you, Four?" Caleb asks suspiciously. "18." Probably. I guess I could technically be 19. I should probably figure out what my birthday is eventually. Caleb frowns. "At least you're not in your 20s," Caleb says.

"When is your birthday, Four?" Shauna asks. Crap. I shrug. "You'll find out later in the book."

"**Yeah." I say. "Just wish I could stay here forever so I never have to see Peter again."**

**But I don't know where "here" is. I am in a large, narrow room with a row of beds on either side. Some of the beds have curtains between them. On the right side of the room is a nurse's station. This must be where the Dauntless go when they're sick or hurt. The woman there looks at us over a clipboard. I've never seen a nurse with so many piercings in her ear before. Some Dauntless must volunteer to do jobs that traditionally belong to other factions. After all, it wouldn't make sense for the Dauntless to make the trek to the city hospital every time they get hurt.**

"Ugh. Could you imagine how many trips we'd have to make to the city if we didn't have an infirmary here?" Uriah asks. Marlene nods. "It'd be ridiculous. As it is, there are at least five people on average that go to the infirmary every day." "Do you work at the infirmary?" Caleb asks. Marlene nods.

Right. I had forgotten what Marlene did. Right now she's a nurse, but she's working on becoming a doctor. Maybe in a couple of years, she will be. The training to become a doctor is the longest training time in Dauntless. It usually takes about five or six years for a nurse to even be considered to become a doctor.

**The first time I went to the hospital, I was six years old. My mother fell on the sidewalk outside of our house and broke her arm. Hearing her scream made me burst into tears, but Caleb just ran for our father without saying a word. At the hospital, an Amity woman with a yellow shirt and clean fingernails took my mother's blood pressure and set her bone with a smile.**

**I remember Caleb telling her it would only take a month to mend, because it's a hairline fracture. I thought he was reassuring her, because that's what selfless people do, but now I wonder if he was repeating something he had heard; if all his Abnegation tendencies were just Erudite traits in disguise. **

"It was both," Caleb says. "Just because I'm Erudite, doesn't mean that I can't try to make someone feel better." "Like you didn't rethink things about me after I transferred to Dauntless," Tris huffs. When Caleb doesn't respond, she adds, "That's what I thought."

"**Don't worry about Peter," says Will. "He'll at least get beat up by Edward, who has been studying hand-to-hand combat since he was ten years old. For fun."**

"**Good," says Christina. She checks her watch. "I think we're missing dinner. Do you want us to stay here Tris?"**

**I shake my head. "I'm fine."**

**Christina and Will get up, but Al waves them ahead. He has a distinct smell- sweet and fresh, like sage and lemongrass. When he tosses and turns at night, I get a whiff of it and I know he's having a nightmare.**

"**I just wanted to tell you that you missed Eric's announcement. We're going on a field trip tomorrow to the fence, to learn about Dauntless jobs," he says.**

"Is that when you see Robert?" Caleb asks. Tris nods.

Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. "Finally!" exclaims Zeke. He gets up and opens the door. He chats with whomever is on the other side for a while and then returns to the circle carrying a cake.

"What?" Shauna asks. "I knew I was going to get hungry before we breaked for dinner, so I asked Abe to bring a cake to my apartment at this time," Zeke explains.

"That is actually pretty smart," I say, shocked. "Hey! I have good ideas sometimes!" Zeke says. Zeke begins to dig into his cake. I should've figured he'd eat the whole thing by himself. "Continue," he tells Lynn, his words garbled by the cake in his mouth.

"**We have to be at the train by eight fifteen."**

"**Good," I say. "Thanks."**

"**And don't pay attention to Christina. Your face doesn't look bad." He smiles a little. "I mean, it looks good. It always looks good. I mean- you look brave. Dauntless."**

I scowl and put one of my arms around Tris's waist. Though he is right, I don't appreciate the fact that he tried to get with Tris.

**His eyes skirt mine, and he scratches the back of his head. The silence grows between us. It was a nice thing to say, but he acts like it meant more than just the words.**

"You think?" I say. Tris shrugs. "People can be kind of confusing. Especially you." "What do you mean especially me?" I ask. Tris leans her head back so it's resting on my shoulder. "You never included me in your plans of how we were going to keep from being caught, and even before that, you sent mixed messages." She's got me there.

**I hope I am wrong. I could not be attracted to Al- I could not be attracted to anyone that fragile. I smile as much as my bruised cheek will allow, hoping that will defuse the tension.**

"No!" Christina says. "That'd just lead him on!" "Well in case you weren't paying attention, Chris, I was kind of new to interacting with people who weren't directly related to me." Tris huffs.

"**I should let you rest," he says. He gets up to leave, but before he can go, I grab his wrist.**

I feel my jaw tense and I breathe deeply in through my nose. Tris was right. I am ridiculously jealous, but, obviously, not without due cause.

"**Al, are you okay?" I say. He stares blankly at me, and I add, "I mean, is it getting easier?"**

"**Uh. . ." He shrugs. "A little."**

**He pulls his hand free and shoves it in his pocket. The question must have embarrassed him, because I've never seen him so red before. If I spent my nights sobbing into my pillow, I would be a little embarrassed too. At least when I cry, I know how to hide it.**

Uriah and Zeke both let out an identical, low whistle. "Damn," Uriah says. "Cruel and clueless." Zeke nods. "It is indeed a bad combination."

"**I lost to Drew. After your fight with Peter." He looks at me. "I took a few hits, fell down, and stayed there. Even though I didn't have to. I figure. . . I figure since I beat Will, if I lose all the rest, I won't be ranked last, but I won't have to hurt anyone anymore."**

I snort. It's pretty ironic that Al, someone who helped Peter and Drew beat up one of his friends, is worried about hurting someone while fighting.

"**Is that really what you want?"**

**He looks down. "I just can't do it. Maybe that means I'm a coward."**

"Bing bing bing! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen," Lynn says.

"**You're not a coward just because you don't want to hurt people," I say, because I know it's the right thing to say, even if I'm not sure I mean it.**

**For a moment we are both still, looking at each other. Maybe I do mean it. If he is a coward, it isn't because he enjoys pain, it's because he refuses to act.**

**He gives me a pained look and says, "Do you think our families will visit us? They say transfer families never come on Visiting Day."**

"Where did he get that info?" Caleb asks. "It's incorrect and totally unfounded." Tris just shrugs.

"**I don't know," I say. "I don't know if it would be good or bad if they did."**

"**I think bad." He nods. "Yeah, it's already hard enough." He nods again, as if confirming what he just said, and walks away.**

**In less than a week, the Abnegation initiates will be able to visit their families for the first time since the Choosing Ceremony. They will go home and sit in their living rooms and interact with their parents for the first time as adults.**

**I used to look forward to that day.**

"Me too," Caleb says, sighing.

I never really thought about that day. I just focused on surviving one day, one beating, at a time. I wonder how Marcus would treat me if I had stayed with Abnegation and been the perfect son.

**I used to think about what I would say to my mother and father when I was allowed to ask them questions at the dinner table.**

**In less than a week, the Dauntless-born initiates will find their families on the Pit floor, or in the glass building above the compound, and do whatever it is Dauntless do when they reunite. Maybe they take turns throwing knives at each other's heads- it wouldn't surprise me.**

"It depends on your family," Uriah says. "Yeah," Zeke says, "If you have a cool family, you would do that kind of thing. If you have an average Dauntless family, you might go get a tattoo. Mostly though, you talk."

**And the transfer initiates with forgiving parents will be able to see them again too. I suspect mine will not be among them. Not after my father's cry of outrage at the ceremony. Not after both their children left them.**

"You're making me feel guilty, Tris," Caleb whines. Tris laughs. "Me too," she says reassuringly.

**Maybe if I could have told them I was Divergent, and I was confused about what to choose, they would have understood. Maybe they would have helped me figure out what Divergent is, and what it means, and why it's dangerous. But I didn't trust them with that secret, so I will never know.**

**I clench my teeth as the tears come. I am fed up. I am fed up with tears and weakness. But there isn't much I can do to stop them. Maybe I drift off to sleep, and maybe I don't. Later that night, though, I slip out of the room and go back to the dormitory. The only thing worse than letting Peter put me in the hospital would be letting Peter put me in the hospital overnight. **

"Done," Lynn says. "It's your turn now, right Tris?"

Tris gets up and grabs the book from Lynn. When she comes back, she starts to sit on the ground, but I pull her back onto my lap. She doesn't seem to mind.

"Chapter 11…"

**Author's note: Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews and such! I would have updated sooner, but the internet is really distracting. Sorry about that.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	11. Chapter 11

11

**The next morning, I don't hear the alarm, shuffling feet, or conversations as the other initiates get ready. I wake to Christina shaking my shoulder with one hand and tapping my cheek with the other. She already wears a black jacket zipped up to her throat. If she has bruises from yesterday's fight, her dark skin make them difficult to see. **

"**Come on," she says. "Up and at 'em."**

**I dreamt that Peter tied me to a chair and asked me if I was Divergent. I answered no, and he punched me until I said yes.**

"You have such positive dreams," Zeke says.

**I woke up with wet cheeks.**

**I mean to say something, but all I can do is groan. **

"That's what she said!" Uriah yells. Tris picks up the spoon Zeke used to eat his Cake and throws it at Uriah, hitting him in the middle of his forehead. "Bad Uri," Marlene scolds. Uriah just scowls and rubs his forehead.

**My body aches so badly it hurts to breathe. It doesn't help that last night's bout of crying made my eyes swell. Christina offers me her hand.**

**The clock reads eight. We're supposed to be at the tracks by eight fifteen. **

"**I'll run and get us some breakfast. You just. . . get ready. Looks like it might take you a while," she says.**

**I grunt. Trying not to bend at the waist, I fumble in the drawer under my bed for a clean shirt. Luckily Peter isn't here to see me struggle. **

**I unbutton my shirt and stare at my bare side, which is patched with bruises. For a second, the colors memorize me, bright green and deep blue and brown.**

**I change as fast as I can and let my hair hang loose because I can't lift my arms to tie it back.**

"Was anything broken?" Caleb asks worriedly. "No," Tris says dismissively.

She's extremely lucky nothing was broken. Peter is ruthless.

**I look at my reflection on the back wall and see a stranger. She is blonde like me, with a narrow face like mine, but that's where the similarities stop. I do not have a black eye, and a split lip, and a bruised jaw. I am not as pale as a sheet. She can't possibly be me, though she moves when I move.**

**By the time Christina comes back, a muffin in each hand, I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my untied shoes. I will have to bend over to tie them. It will hurt when I bend over.**

"Why didn't you just tie your shoes before you put them on?" Zeke asks. "Because that's just weird," Tris says. "Yeah, but it isn't painful," Zeke points out.

**But Christina just passes me a muffin and crutches in front of me to tie my shoes.** **Gratitude surges in my chest, warm and a little like an ache. Maybe there is some Abnegation in everyone, even if they don't know it.**

"Aww, thanks buddy," Christina says.

"Wait," Caleb says, "_Everyone _has a bit of Abnegation in them? Even Peter?" Tris ignores him.

**Well, in everyone but Peter.**

"Hey," Caleb says. He and Tris do some weird handshake thing in perfect sync. Siblings freak me out.

"You call that a handshake?" Uriah scoffs. "Shall we show them how it's done, bro?" Zeke asks. "Let's," Uriah says. "We challenge you to a handshake dual!" Zeke yells. Caleb and Tris look at each other and then yell, "It's on!" simultaneously.

Uriah and Zeke get up and stand in the middle of the circle. They do a complicated array of hand movements and then end their convoluted handshake by jumping and then bumping chests. "I'd like to see you guys try to top that," Zeke says smugly while returning to his seat.

"Then pay close attention," Tris says. Tris and Caleb now stand in the middle of the circle. They do some hand movements, then clap the other person's feet while jumping and shouting, "One! Two! Three!" _Then _they turn in a circle, do more hand movements, and finally end by shaking hands. It was actually pretty cool.

"Lynn! As the most neutral person in this room, who won?" Zeke asks. "Tris and Caleb," Lynn says automatically, "There was really no contest." Tris and Caleb high-five each other and go back to their seats while Zeke and Uriah mope.

"Why don't we have a special handshake Four?" Tris asks once she is sitting on my lap again. "Because I can't remember something that unnecessarily convoluted," I say bluntly. Tris pouts. "You're no fun," she mutters while picking the book back up.

"**Thank you," I say. **

"**Well, we would never get there on time if you had to them yourself," she says, "Come on. You can eat and walk at the same time, right?"**

**We walk fast toward the Pit. The muffin is banana flavored, with walnuts. My mother baked bread like this once to give to the factionless, but I never got to try it. I was too old for coddling at that point.**

**I ignore the pinch in my stomach that comes every time I think of my mother and half walk, half jog after Christina who forgets that her legs are longer than mine. **

"If we had gone your speed we would have been late," says Christina. Tris shrugs.

**We climb the steps from the Pit to the glass building above it and run to the exit. Every thump of my feet sends pain to my ribs, but I ignore it. We make it to the tracks just as the train arrives, its horn blaring. **

"Cut it pretty close there didn't you?" Caleb says disapprovingly. "We still made it," Tris says, rolling her eyes at her brother.

"**What took you so long?" Will shouts over the horn.**

"**Stumpy legs over here turned into an old lady overnight," says Christina.**

"Like you could have gone faster in the same situation," Tris mutters. Christina ignores her.

"**Oh, shut up." I'm only half kidding.**

**Four stands at the front of the pack, so close to the tracks that if he shifted even an inch forward, the train would take his nose with it.**

"Don't they teach you guys to be safe around trains?" Caleb says, "Getting run over by a train is a pretty dumb way to die." **(A/N: Sorry. Couldn't help it.) **

**He steps back to let some of the others get on first. Will hoists himself into the car with some difficulty, landing first on his stomach and then dragging his legs in behind him. **

"Tris! You're making me sound bad," Will whines. "That's probably because you sucked at getting on trains," Tris says bluntly. Will makes a dramatic gasping sound and places a hand over his heart. "How can you be so cruel?" he says dramatically. "I'm not cruel," Tris says, "I'm honest."

**Four grabs the handle of the car and pulls himself in smoothly, like he doesn't have more than six feet of body to work with.**

"And now you're making me sound even worse by comparison," Will complains.

**I jog to the next car, wincing, then grit my teeth and grab the handle on the side. This is going to hurt. **

**Al grabs me under each arm and lifts me easily into the car. Pain shoots through my side, but it only lasts for a second. I see Peter behind him, and my cheeks get warm. Al was trying to be nice, but I wish people didn't want to be so nice. As if Peter didn't have enough ammunition already.**

"**Feeling okay there?" Peter says, giving me a look of mock sympathy- his lips turned down, his arched eyebrows pulled in. "Or are you feeling a little. . . Stiff?"**

"Wow. He's so clever and original," Caleb says sarcastically. "That's one of the nice things about Erudite, at least when the people insult you, they do so with a larger vocabulary than that of an ant." "Oh man," Tris says, "I'm going to go transfer to Erudite right now just so I can have more intelligent insults thrown at me."

**He bursts into laughter at his own joke, and Molly and Drew join in. Molly has an ugly laugh, all snorting and shaking shoulders, and Drew's is silent, so it almost looks like he's in pain.**

"**We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will says. **

"**Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with Erudite, Peter?" Christina adds. "I hear they don't object to sissies." **

"Yeah," Caleb says, "But they do object to idiots." "True," Christina says, nodding. "I guess Peter is just out of luck then. Poor him. No faction wants him."

**Four, who is standing in the doorway, speaks before Peter can retort, "Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?"**

"Yes," Uriah says.

**Everybody gets quiet,**

"Pansycakes," Uriah mutters.

**and Four turns back to the cars opening. He holds the handles on either side, his arms stretching wide, and leans forward so that most of his body is outside the car, though his feet stay planted inside. **

Tris starts to blush and I smirk. She's always cute, but she's even cuter when she blushes.

"Tsk tsk Four," Caleb says, "You aren't really being safe are you?" Zeke nods. "Yeah! That's not the sort of example you want to set for young impressionable initiates."

I roll my eyes. "Like you ever set a good example, Zeke." "Hey! I'm a great role model!" Zeke says. Shauna snorts. "Sure you are," she says. "Well at least I'm safe around trains!" Zeke says. "I'm fine!" I huff, "It's not like I stand on train tracks and try to hug trains." "But you're still not completely safe around them," Caleb says. I huff. They're not going to let me win this argument.

**The wind presses his shirt to his chest. **

"I didn't need to know that, Tris," Zeke says. Tris leans over to Zeke and flicks the side of his head. "And I don't need your sass," she says. "Yes mom," Zeke mumbles.

**I try to look past him at what we're passing- a sea of crumbling, abandoned buildings that get smaller as we go.**

**Every few seconds, though, my eyes shift back to Four. I don't know what I expect to see, or what I want to see, if anything.**

Uriah gasps. "That's because Four is really a monster in disguise!" "What do you mean in disguise?" Zeke asks. Zeke and Uriah air-five while everyone else laughs. Even Tris laughs. Whatever.

**But I do it without thinking. **

I smirk. At least the whole staring at the other person thing wasn't just me.

**I ask Christina, "What do you think is out there?" I nod to the doorway. "I mean, beyond the fence."**

"Argh! There be pirates out there matey!" Uriah says. "Uriah," Lynn says, "Is it possible for you to say something intelligent?" Uriah pouts while Lynn and Tris air-five.

**She shrugs. "A bunch of farms, I guess."**

"You aren't curious at all?" Caleb asks, sounding quite appalled. "Not really," Christina says.

"**Yeah, but I mean. . . past the farms. What are we guarding the city from?"**

I'm glad Tris doesn't just believe what the factions tell her to believe. She actually thinks for herself.

**She wiggles her fingers at me. "Monsters!"**

"What would Four be doing outside of the fence?" Uriah asks Zeke. "Dunno man," he responds. I hope they're having a good time mocking me.

**I roll my eyes. **

"**We didn't even have guards at the fence until five years ago," Will says. "Don't you remember when Dauntless police patrolled the factionless sector?" **

"**Yes," I say. I also remember that my father was one of the people who voted to get the Dauntless out of the factionless sector of the city. He said the poor didn't need policing; they needed help, and we could give it to them.**

**But I would rather not mention that now, or here. It's one of the many things Erudite gives as evidence of Abnegation incompetence.**

"I just don't understand how they could see trying to help people as incompetent," Caleb says.

"**Oh, right," he says, "I bet you say them all the time."**

"**Why do you say that?" I ask, a little too sharply.**

"A little?" Will asks. "I felt like you were going to bite my head off!" "Oh poor baby," Christina says, "Are we scared of Tris?" "Everyone is scared of Tris," Will says, "Even Four!"

**I don't want to be associated too closely with the factionless. **

"**Because you had to pass the factionless sector to get to school, right?"**

"**What did you do, memorize a map of the city for fun?" says Christina.**

"**Yes," Will says, looking puzzled, "Didn't you?"**

"That's not weird, is it?" Caleb asks. "Yeah, it kinda is," Uriah says. "It's not weird," I say, "It's smart." "You've memorized the map haven't you?" Zeke asks. "Of course," I say, "And while you may be making fun of me now, you won't be when I dump you in a random part of the city and leave you to try to find your way back." Zeke stops laughing.

**The train's brakes squeal, and we all lurch forward as the car slows. I am grateful for the movement; It will make standing easier. The dilapidated buildings are gone, replaced by yellow fields and train tracks. The train stops under an awning. I lower myself to the grass, holding the handle to keep me steady. **

**In front of me is a chain-link fence with barbed wire strung around the top. When I walk forward, I notice that it continues farther than I can see, perpendicular to the horizon. Past the fence is a cluster of trees, most of them dead, some green. Milling around on the other side of the fence are Dauntless guards carrying guns.**

"**Follow me," says Four. I stay close to Christina. I don't want to admit it, not even to myself, but I feel calmer when I'm near her. If Peter tries to taunt me, she will defend me.**

"Of course I would bestie!" Christina says, "And of course, you would do the same for me. Or at least sic Four on them, right?" "Of course," Tris reassures her.

"Sic?" I ask Tris, "What am I, your dog?" "Pretty much," Tris says, picking the book back up. "I'm a dog?" I ask. "Yes, you are," Tris says, giving me a look that says if I don't drop it I'll be in trouble. "Woof woof," I say. "That's better," she says, smirking.

**Silently I scold myself for being such a coward. Peter's insults shouldn't bother me, and I should focus on getting better at combat, not on how badly I did yesterday. And I should be willing, if not able, to defend myself instead of relying on other people to do it for me. **

"Yes, how dare you require assistance," Zeke says.

**Four leads us toward the gate, which is as wide as a house and that opens up to the cracked road that leads to the city. When I came here with my family as a child, we rode in a bus on that road, and beyond, to Amity's farms, where we spent the day picking tomatoes and sweating through our shirts.**

Christina wrinkles her nose. "That sounds so lovely," she says.

**Another pinch in my stomach.**

"**If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," says Four as he reaches the gate. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not too much. You may be able to go on patrols of Amity's farms, but-"**

"But then the monsters will get you!" Zeke says.

"**Patrols for what purpose?" asks Will.**

**Four lifts a shoulder. "I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them."**

"Hey, why didn't you chew out Will for interrupting you?" Christina asks. "Because Will actually had an intelligent question," I say.

"**As I was saying. For the most part, those who guard the fence when they're young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some insist it isn't as bad as it seems."**

"Yeah," Zeke says, "but others constantly complain about it and say it's the worst job ever." "I was trying to make them feel like they didn't have to get in the top five," I say. "Wow," Christina says, "So, you were actually being nice?" I scowl. "I can be nice," I say insistently. Christina gives me a disbelieving look.

"**Yeah. At least we won't be driving buses or cleaning up other people's messes like the factionless," Christina whispers in my ear. **

"**What rank were you?" Peter asks Four.**

**I don't expect Four to answer, but he looks levelly at Peter and says, "I was first."**

"Why wouldn't I have answered that?" I ask. "You kind of dodge around questions a lot," Tris says. Everyone else nods and mutters some form of agreement. Ok, I guess that's kind of true.

"**And you chose to do this?" Peter's eyes go wide and round and dark green. They would look innocent to me if I didn't know what a terrible person he is. "Why didn't you get a government job?"**

"**I didn't want one," Four says flatly. I remember what he said on the first day, about working in the control room, where the Dauntless monitor the city's security. It is difficult for me to imagine him there, surrounded by computers. To me, he belongs in the training room.**

I know what she means. It's difficult for me to imagine her as anything but Dauntless.

**We learned about faction jobs in school. The Dauntless have limited options. We can guard the fence or work for the security of our city. We can work in the Dauntless compound, drawing tattoos or making weapons or even fighting each other for entertainment. **

"Who would want to fight for entertainment?" Caleb asks. "Peter," Tris says. Peter has been the only one in a couple of years to fight for entertainment. Well, I guess that's good for the people who run that thing. They needed fresh meat.

**Or we can work for the Dauntless leaders. That sounds like my best option. **

**The only problem is that my rank is terrible. And I might be factionless by the end of stage one.**

"You said you were an ambassador, Tris?" Caleb asks. Tris nods. "So that means that you at least got in to the top five..." he says, trailing off at the end. I guess he's still trying to figure out what rank Tris got.

**We stop next to the gate. A few Dauntless guards glance in our direction, but not many. They are too busy pulling the doors- which are twice as tall as they are and several times wider- open to admit a truck. **

**The man driving wears a hat, a beard, and a smile. He stops just inside the gate and gets out. The back of the truck is open, and a few other Amity sit among the stacks of crates. I peer at the crates- they hold apples. **

"**Beatrice?" an Amity boy says.**

"Whoa," Uriah says, "How did he know your real name?" I look over at him to see if he's serious. He is. "It's Robert, idiot," Zeke says. "Well, how was I supposed to know that?" Uriah asks defensively. "It's pretty obvious," Lynn says. Marlene nods. "It is," she says.

**My head jerks at the sound of my name. One of the Amity in the back of the truck stands. He has curly blonde hair and a familiar nose, wide at the tip and narrow at the bridge. Robert.**

"See?" Zeke says. "Whatever," Uriah huffs.

**I try to remember him at the Choosing Ceremony and nothing comes to my mind except the sound of my heart in my ears. **

"Well, you also couldn't see him," Shauna says fairly. "Yeah," Tris says, shrugging.

**Did Susan?**

"Of course not," Caleb says.

**Are there any Abnegation initiates this year? **

"I think I heard that there were about twelve," Caleb says. "Where do you get all this info?" Tris asks. "Well, unlike you I'm not a shorty, so I could actually see what was happening," Caleb says, ignoring the glare Tris sends his way, "And I happened to run into Susan one day." "Oh really?" Tris says, "How is she?" "Good," Caleb says, shrugging.

**If Abnegations is fizzling, it's our fault- Robert's and Caleb's and mine. Mine. I push the thought from my mind. **

**Robert hops down from the truck. He wears a gray T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. After a second's hesitation, he moves toward me and folds me in his arms. I stiffen. **

I feel jealous. I didn't get to hug Tris until after Al died.

**Only in Amity do people hug each other in greeting. I don't move a muscle until he releases me. **

"Rude," Uriah says. "Uriah," Tris says, "The first person I hugged that wasn't related to me was Four. I just wasn't used to physical contact. Just like you aren't use to not being an idiot."

**His own smile fades when he looks at me again. "Beatrice, what happened to you? What happened to your face?"**

"Yeah," Uriah says, "It looks so much better now!" I glare at Uriah, and out of the corner of my eye I see Caleb doing the same. "What was that?" Tris asks with the fakely sweet voice she uses when she's threatening someone. Uriah looks between Tris, Caleb, and I and seems to realize what a mistake he made. "Nothing," he says hurriedly.

"**Nothing," I say. "Just training. Nothing."**

"**Beatrice?" demands a nasally voice next to me. Molly folds her arms and laughs. "Is that your real name, Stiff?" **

**I glance at her. "What did you think Tris was short for?"**

"Pablo," Uriah says seriously. I decide not to bother figuring out how that makes any sense.

"**Oh, I don't know … weakling?" She touches her chin. If her chin was bigger, it might balance out her nose, but it is weak and almost recedes into her neck. "Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake." **

"That was supposed to be an insult?" Caleb asks. "But that just made her look like an idiot." Tris shrugs. "Molly's not the brightest."

"**There's no need to antagonize her," Robert says, softly. "I'm Robert, and you are?"**

"**Someone who doesn't care what your name is," she says. "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."**

"**Why don't you get away from us?" I snap.**

"**Right. Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend," she says. She walks away smiling. **

It's a good thing Molly and Drew never found out who her actual boyfriend was. They probably would have spread rumors about Tris only getting first because she was with me.

**Robert gives me a sad look. "They don't seem like nice people." **

"**Some of them aren't."**

"That's true wherever you go," Caleb points out.

"**You could go home, you know. I'm sure Abnegation will make an exception for you."**

I frown. He really didn't know her that well.

"**What makes you think I want to go home?" I ask, my cheeks hot. "You think I can't handle this or something?"**

"**It's not that." He shakes his head. "It's not that you can't, it's that you shouldn't have to. You should be happy."**

"Are you happy?" Caleb asks sincerely. "Yes," Tris says without hesitation. Caleb studies her face for a moment, and when satisfied that she gave him a truthful answer says, "Good."

"**This is what I chose. This is it." I look over Robert's shoulder. The Dauntless guards seem to have finished examining the truck. The bearded man gets back in the driver's seat and closes the door behind him. "Besides Robert. The goal of my life isn't just to be … happy."**

"**Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?" he says.**

**Before I can answer, he touches my shoulder and turns back to the truck. A girl in the back has a banjo on her lap. She starts to strum it as Robert hoists himself inside, and the truck starts forward, carrying the banjo sounds and her warbling voice away from us.**

**Robert waves to me, and again I see another possible life in my mind's eye. I see myself in the truck, singing with the girl, though I've never sung before, laughing when I am off-key, climbing trees to pick apples, always peaceful and safe.**

"No," everyone but Tris says simultaneously. "What?" she asks. "You wouldn't fit in Amity," I say. "Yeah," Uriah says, nodding. "You're too mean." "That's true," Tris says, shrugging.

**The Dauntless guards close the gate and lock it behind them. The lock is on the outside. I bite my lip. Why would they lock the gate from the outside and not the inside? It almost seems like they don't want to keep something out; they want to keep something in. **

**I push the thought out of my head. That makes no sense. **

"Maybe they're not protecting us from the world," Uriah, "Maybe they're protecting the world from us." We all look over at Uriah, shocked. "What?" he says. "I have a brain." Well that's news to me...

**Four steps away from the fence, where he was talking with a female Dauntless guard with a gun on her shoulder a moment before. **

"**I am worried you have a knack for making unwise decisions," he says when he is a foot away from me. **

**I cross my arms. "It was a two-minute conversation."**

"**I don't think a smaller time frame would make it any less unwise."**

"Someone's jealous!" Uriah says in a sing-song voice. I decide to ignore him.

**He furrows his eyebrows and touches the corner of my bruised eye with his fingertips.**

Zeke nudges me in the side and waggles his eyebrows while Shauna, Marlene, and Christina aww. I roll my eyes.

**My head jerks back, but he doesn't take his hand away. Instead he tilts his head and sighs. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."**

"**Attack first?" I say. "How would that help?"**

"**You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win."**

"Sounds like somebody was watching closely," Caleb says dryly. I shrug. He's right.

**He shrugs, and his hand falls. **

"**I'm surprised you know that," I say quietly. "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."**

"**It wasn't something I wanted to watch," he says.**

_**What's that supposed to mean?**_

"Really, Tris?" Christina asks incredulously. "What?" Tris says defensively. Christina rolls her eyes. "It was pretty obvious what that meant," she says. Tris huffs. "Whatever."

**He clears his throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris.**

"You're awfully lucky that train came when it did," Zeke says. "It would've gotten really awkward, really fast." I nod. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if the train hadn't shown up when it had. I probably would've stuttered my way to disaster.

"That was the end of the chapter," Tris says.

"My turn!" Zeke yells, grabbing the book from Tris. I swear, he has the brain of a five year old.

"Chapter 12…"

**Author's note: I know I say this every chapter, but thanks for reviews and stuff. To clear some stuff up; I WILL NOT ****abandon this story. It may take me a while to update sometimes, but I am working on it. And it's not like I look at the story and then say "Nah." I have stuff I need to do. Like homework. So much homework. I actually should be doing homework right now, but nah. Instead, I decided to work on this because I wanted to make sure and update today. **

**Anywho, please review. I like to know what you guys think.**

**Edit: Some really inconsequential changes just ****happened, but whatever. It was bugging me. Ok, so I wanted you guys to know that I am going to be doing the knife throwing scene from Free Four; it will be after they finish Divergent. Also, I won't do Insurgent or Allegiant, but I do have something planned for that stuff. Y'all will just have to wait a while to find out what that is. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT**


	12. Chapter 12

12

**I crawl across my mattress and heave a sigh. It has been two days since my fight with Peter, and my bruises are turning purple-blue. I have gotten used to aching every time I move, so now I move better, but I am still far from healed. **

**Even though I am still injured, I had to fight again today. Luckily, this time I was paired against Myra, who couldn't throw a good punch if someone was controlling her arm for her. **

"Yeah, she was better suited for Amity," Christina sighs.

There is always at least one initiate per year that only switches to or stays with Dauntless because of friends and family. Those are usually the ones that get cut first.

**I got a good hit in during the first two minutes. She fell down and was too dizzy to get back up. I should feel triumphant, but there is no triumph in beating a girl like Myra. **

"There shouldn't be any triumph in beating someone like that," Caleb says.

"I know," Tris says.

**The second my head touches the pillow, the door to the dormitory opens, and people stream into the room with flashlights.**

Oh. So that's where we are. I must be honest, I'm not looking forward to reliving the part where Tris almost falls to her death. I furrow my eyebrows. Also, if I remember correctly, this is where Tris learns I'm afraid of heights. Part of me is really scared that my friends will look at me differently knowing that I have such a common fear. I try to shake it off. After all, these are my friends. They're not going to turn on me just because of one of my fears. I hope.

**I sit up, almost hitting my head on the bed frame above me, and squint through the dark to see what's going on. **

"**Everybody up!" someone roars. A flashlight shines behind his head, making the rings in his ears glint. Eric. Surrounding him are other Dauntless, some of whom I have seen in the Pit, some of whom I've never seen before. Four stands among them. His eyes shift to mine and stay there.**

I feel my cheeks flush a little. For all my trying to keep my feelings for her a secret, I was really obvious.

**I stare back and forget that all around me the transfers are getting out of bed. **

It's Tris's turn to blush now. Something tells me that this will be happening to us a lot, especially as the chapters progress. I get a sinking feeling just thinking about some of the moments, like when I got drunk near the chasm. I want to skip it, but something tells me that Tris won't let me.

"**Did you go deaf, Stiff?" demands Eric.**

"No, she's just too busy looking at Four to do anything," Uriah says. Unbelievably, Tris doesn't respond. I think this is one of the first times that I have witnessed her sharp tongue failing to come up with a witty remark.

**I snap out of my daze and slide out from beneath the blankets. I am glad I sleep fully clothed, because Christina stands next to our bunk wearing only a T-shirt, her long legs bare. She folds her arms and stares at Eric.**

I shake my head. Only Christina would give Eric the stink eye while wearing pajamas.

**I wish, suddenly, that I could stare so boldly with hardly any clothes on.**

"I'm a role model!" Christina says proudly.

I'm don't really hear her though, because I'm too busy thinking. _Don't think about Tris that way. Don't think about Tris that way, or you will regret it. Argh. This is impossible. It's like when someone tells you not to think about bears. No matter what you do, all you think about are bears. It's so stupid. Why is that even a thing? It's like you want to not think about something, but then you think about what you're not supposed to be thinking about. Like, I wasn't thinking about bears before you asked me not to, but now it's all I can think about._

I can't remember what I was thinking about originally, so I start listening to the story again.

**But I would never be able to do that.**

"**You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks," says Eric. "We're going on another field trip."**

"Where could you possibly be going on a field trip during the middle of the night?" Caleb asks, sounding baffled.

"Maybe if you just listened instead of asking questions, you would learn things," Tris says.

**I shove my feet into my shoes and sprint, wincing, behind Christina on the way to the train. A drop of sweat roll down the back of my neck as we run up the paths along the walls of the Pit, pushing past members on our way up. They don't seem surprised to see us. I wonder how many frantic, running people they see on a weekly basis.**

"A lot," everyone in the Dauntless compound answers simultaneously.

'It's really that common?" Caleb asks.

Zeke nods. "Plus, the members all know when this field trip happens."

**We make it to the tracks just behind the Dauntless-born initiates. Next to the track is a black pile. I make out a cluster of long gun barrels and trigger guards. **

"**Are we going to **_**shoot **_**something?" Christina hisses in my ear.**

**Next to the pile are boxes of what look like ammunition. I inch closer to read one of the boxes. Written on it is, "PAINTBALLS". I've never heard of them before,**

"What?!" Uriah shrieks. "How?!" I'm surprised Uriah didn't bust my eardrum.

"One, Abnegation, and two, ow! Don't do that!" Tris says.

**but the name is self-explanatory. I laugh.**

"**Everyone grab a gun!" shouts Eric.**

**We rush toward the pile. I am closest to it, so I snatch the first gun I can find, which is heavy, but not too heavy for me to lift, and grab a box of paintballs. I shove the box in my pocket and sing the gun across my back so that the strap crosses my chest.**

"**Time estimate?" Eric asks Four.**

"Time to get a watch," Uriah says.

**Four checks his watch. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"**

"You really think he's smart enough to do that?" Lynn asks.

I shrug. "Who knows? I mean look at Uriah, he's managed to learn the entire alphabet."

"Trissy, they're being mean to me!" Uriah complains while fake-crying. He looks and sounds like a two year-old.

"Nice," Tris says, air-fiving Lynn and then snuggling into my chest. "Good boy," she says to me while patting my head. I roll my eyes. Something tells me I'm not going to be able to live down this whole dog thing anytime soon.

"I thought you loved me, mommy!" Uriah says, still fake-crying. For some reason, he directed that towards Tris.

"No, I don't," Tris says bluntly. "And really, if I was your mother, Four would most likely be your father, and Caleb would be your Uncle. Would you really want that?"

"Also," Zeke says, "I would still be your brother."

Uriah wrinkles his nose. "I'd rather not then." I feel like I should be insulted.

"**Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" says Eric, shoving Four's shoulder.**

**A circle of light appears on my left, far away. It grows larger as it comes closer, shining against the side of Four's face, creating a shadow in the faint hollow beneath his cheek.**

"Not that you were looking," Caleb says dryly. Tris blushes a deep crimson and turns her face in towards my shirt, blocking the everyone else's view of her face. I put my left arm around her, my hand resting on her shoulder.

**He is the first to get on the train, and I run after him, not waiting for Christina or Will or Al to follow me.**

"I'm really feeling the love, Tris," Will says.

By this point, Tris has turned her face away from my shirt. "You'd better."

Only Tris can make love sound so threatening.

**Four turns around as I fall into stride next to the car and holds out a hand. I grab his arm, and he pulls me in. Even the muscles are taut, defined.**

"Yet another thing I didn't need to know," Zeke says, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"You're just jealous of my muscles," I say, smirking

"Keep telling yourself that, man."

**I let go quickly, without looking at him, and sit on the other side of the car. Once everyone is in, Four speaks up.**

"**We'll be dividing you into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways, and Four grabs the side of the doorway for balance. "This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously."**

I think climbing The Ferris Wheel is taking things a little too seriously.

"**What do we get if we win?" someone shouts.**

"Someone seriously asked that?" Zeke asks, sounding extremely disgusted.

"**Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," Says Four, raising an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course."**

"**Four and I will be your team captains," says Eric. He looks at Four. "Let's divide up the transfers first, shall we?"**

**I tilt my head back. If they're picking us, I will be chosen last. I can feel it. **

I snort. Tris underestimates herself so much sometimes, it's kind of funny.

"**You go first," Four says.**

**Eric shrugs. "Edward."**

**Four leans against the door frame and nods. The moonlight makes his eyes bright.**

"Does it?" I ask smugly.

"Would you rather us read all of this from your perspective?" Tris asks menacingly.

"No," I say quickly. If it was from my perspective every other paragraph would be about Tris. Maybe even every other sentence.

**He scans the group of transfer initiates briefly, without calculation, and says, "I want the Stiff."**

I furrow my brow. I hadn't realized that it was that obvious that I had already decided to pick Tris. Then again, Tris is extremely observant, so even if it had been totally not obvious, she would have picked up on it.

**A faint undercurrent of laughter fills the car. Heat rushes into my cheeks. I don't know whether to be angry at the people laughing at me or flattered by the fact that he chose me first.**

"**Got something to prove?" asks Eric, with his trademark smirk. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"**

**Four shrugs. "Something like that."**

**Angry. I should definitely be angry. I scowl at my hands. Whatever Four's strategy is, it's on the idea that I am weaker than the other initiates.**

"Do you really think I'd do that?" I ask Tris.

"I didn't really know you then," she says, shrugging. I guess that's true.

**And it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I have to prove him wrong- I have to.**

"**Your turn," says Four,**

"**Peter." **

"**Christina."**

**That throws a wrench in his strategy. Christina is not one of the weak ones. What exactly is he doing?**

"Why thank you," Christina says.

"**Molly."**

"**Will," says Four, biting his thumb nail.**

"**Al."**

"**Drew."**

"**Last one left is Myra. So she's with me." says Eric. "Dauntless born initiates next."**

**I stop listening once they're finished with us.**

"Argh," Uriah complains, "I was looking forward to you realizing how hot I am."

"You mean how horrifically ugly you are?" Zeke says.

Uriah sticks his tongue out at his brother. They're so unbelievably mature.

**If Four isn't trying to prove something by choosing the weak, what is he doing? I look at each person he chooses. What do we have in common? **

**Once they're halfway through the Dauntless-born initiates, I have an idea of what it is. With an exception of Will and a couple of others, we all share the same body type: narrow shoulders, small frames. All the people on Eric's team are broad and strong. Just yesterday, Four told me I was fast. We will be faster than Eric's team, which will probably be good for capture the flag.**

I hear a chorus of ahs around the room. I'm kind of surprised that no one else figured that out before. Then again, I've never met anyone as observant as Tris is. She's also smart enough to use what she observes to her advantage.

My legs are starting to fall asleep from sitting one way for so long, so I shift a bit, careful to keep Tris situated on my lap. Once I'm comfortable again, I wrap my arms around Tris, so that my forearms are crossing on her stomach. I kiss her temple lightly and then turn my attention back to Zeke.

**I haven't played before, but I know it's a game of speed rather than brute force. I cover a smile with my hand. Eric is more ruthless than Four, but Four is smarter.**

"Why thank you," I say, smirking.

"Don't be so smug," Tris says, smacking my arm lightly.

**They finish choosing teams, and Eric smirks at Four.**

"Eric never did figure out that it was better to pick fast people for capture the flag," I say. I guess he really didn't belong at Erudite.

"**Your team can get off second," says Eric.**

"**Don't do me any favors," Four replies. He smiles a little "You know I don't need them to win."**

"Oh snap! Someone needs to take Eric to the burn unit!" Uriah says.

"**No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," says Eric, biting down briefly on one of the rings in his lips. **

"He's lying," Christina says suddenly.

"How do you know?" Will asks.

"He bit the ring in his lip. I'm pretty sure that that's his tell."

Interesting.

"**Take your scrawny team and get off first, then." **

**We all stand up. Al gives me a forlorn look, and I smile in what I hope is a reassuring way. If any of the four of us had to end up on the same team as Eric, Peter, and Molly, at least it was him. They usually leave him alone. The train is about to dip to the ground. I am determined to land on my feet.**

**Just before I jump, someone shoves my shoulder, and I almost topple out of the train car. I don't look back to see who it is- Molly, Drew, or Peter, it doesn't matter which one. Before they can try it again, I jump. This time I am ready for the momentum the train gives me, and I run a few steps to defuse it but keep my balance.**

Zeke, Uriah, and surprisingly Caleb, all cheer.

**Fierce pleasure courses through me and I smile. It's a small accomplishment, but it makes me feel Dauntless.**

**One of the Dauntless-born initiates "When your team won, where did they put the flag?"**

"It's me!" Marlene squeals.

"**Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," he says coolly.**

"You didn't describe me," Marlene says, looking crestfallen.

"I think she cared a little more about you flirting with Four," Shauna says, giggling.

"Whatever," Tris says. She's blushing.

"**Come one Four," she whines. She gives him a flirtatious smile. He brushes her hand off his arm, and for some reason, I find myself grinning.**

"Dang. Overprotective much?" Lynn says.

"So is Four," Tris says defensively.

I don't even bother to say anything. After all, I'm probably more overprotective of Tris than she is of me.

"**Navy Pier," another Dauntless-born initiate calls out.**

"It's me!" Uriah squeals, loud enough to just about burst my eardrums.

**He is tall, with brown skin and dark eyes. Handsome.**

"Ha! In your face, Will!" Uriah yells, grinning. He looks over at me and then immediately stops grinning. "God Four, you don't have to glare at me just because your girlfriend can see I'm hot."

"Keep telling yourself that," I say. I look away from Uriah. I hadn't even realized I was glaring at him.

Tris looks back at me and sighs, shaking her head. _It's not like I can control my jealousy! _I think defensively. She lays her head right above my collar bone.

"The past is in the past," she says, her breath tickling my neck.

I nod and quickly kiss the top of her head. She's right of course. As usual. _So why don't you tell them who your dear old dad is? _

I decide to ignore the voice in my head and turn my attention back towards Zeke.

"**My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel." **

"You mean your awesome, cool, hot brother that is also more muscular than Four," Zeke says.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, man."

"**Let's go there, then," Will suggests.**

**No one objects, so we walk east, toward the marsh that was once a lake. When I was young, I tried to imagine what it would look like as a lake, with no fence built into the mud to keep the city safe. But it is difficult to imagine that much water in one place.**

"I've saw a 3-D model on a computer of what it would look like full of water once," Caleb says. "It's actually pretty interesting how it worked, you see-"

"What did it look like?" Tris asks, interrupting her brother.

He's silent for a few moments before he says, "It was huge. I placed a house next to it to get some scale, and it looked like I had placed a grain of sand next to it. It looked like a huge field of steel sheets."

"I'd like to see that," Tris says wistfully.

"Of course you can," Caleb says dismissively. "I'll have to go to Erudite anyway to find your birthday, so you could come with me and I could show you it. After all, you are letting me listen to and read your sort of autobiography."

"Really?" Tris asks, "Thanks!"

I smile. I'm glad that Tris and her brother can be together again.

"**We're close to Erudite headquarters, right?" asks, Christina, bumping Will's shoulder with her own.**

"**Yeah. It's south of here," he says. He looks over his shoulder and for a second his expression is full of longing. Then it's gone.**

"Are you going to visit Erudite anytime soon?" Shauna asks.

Will shrugs. "Not sure. I know that Cara is really busy since she's an ambassador and she helps Asha a lot. Maybe I'll visit when things calm down a little."

"Your sister is Cara?" Caleb asks.

Will nods.

"She is really busy, but she told me that she was planning on visiting her brother in Dauntless soon. I just didn't know that she was talking about you."

Will grins, "Really?"

Caleb nods.

**I am less than a mile away from my brother. It has been a week since we were that close together. I shake my head a little to get the thought out of my mind. I can't think about him today, when I have to focus on making it through stage one. I can't think about him any day.**

Tris gives her brother a guilty look.

"It's okay," he says, "I had to tell myself basically the same thing."

Tris smiles at her brother. I must say, Caleb has a knack at saying the right thing to Tris.

**We walk across the bridge. We still need the bridges because the mud beneath them is too wet to walk on. I wonder how long it's been since the river dried up. **

**Once we cross the bridge, the city changes. Behind us, most of the buildings were in use, and even if they weren't, they looked well tended. In front of us is a sea of crumbling concrete broken glass. The silence of this part of the city is eerie; it feels like a nightmare.**

**It's hard to see where I'm going, because it's after midnight and all the city lights are off.**

"Didn't you guys have flashlights?" Caleb asks.

"Yeah, but it was still hard to see," Tris says. That's true, but not everyone used a flashlight because they thought it made them look weak.

**Marlene takes out a flashlight and shines it at the street in front of us. **

"**Scared of the dark, Mar?" the dark-eyed Dauntless-born initiate teases. **

"**If you want on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest," she snaps. But she turns it off anyway.**

"So you'd rather step on broken glass?" Caleb asks.

Marlene shrugs.

**I have realized that being part of Dauntless is being willing to make things more difficult for yourself in order to be self-sufficient. **

Or at least _appear_ self-sufficient.

**There's especially brave about wandering dark streets with no flashlight, but we are not supposed to need help, even from light.**

"The purpose of science is to make things _easier _for people," Caleb says, rolling his eyes.

**We are supposed to be of anything.**

**I like that. **

Caleb looks at his sister like she's crazy.

**Because there might come a day when there is no flashlight, there is no gun, there is no guiding hand. And I want to be ready for it.**

"Seriously, Tris," Zeke says, "You need to tone down that optimistic disposition. It's getting kind of ridiculous."

**The buildings end just before the marsh. A strip of land juts out into the marsh, and rising from it is a giant white wheel with dozens of red passenger cars dangling from it at regular intervals. The Ferris Wheel.**

"**Think about it. People used to ride that thing. For fun," says Will, shaking his head. **

"**They must have been Dauntless," I say.**

"**Yeah, but a lame version of Dauntless." Christina laughs. "A Dauntless Ferris wheel wouldn't have any cars. You would just hang on tight with your hands and good luck to you."**

"That's actually a pretty awesome idea," Uriah says, "The Dauntless compound totally needs something like that!"

I shudder involuntarily. If the Dauntless compound did get one of those things, I would stay as far away from it as humanly possible.

**We walk down the side of the pier. All the buildings on my left are empty, their signs torn down and their windows closed, but it is a clean kind of emptiness. Whoever left these places left them by choice and at their leisure. Some places in the city are not like that.**

I hadn't really noticed it, but Tris is right. Tris would make a great detective.

"**Dare you to jump into the marsh," says Cristina to Will. **

"**You first."**

"Pansycake!" Uriah yells at Will.

"I didn't want to get my clothes all muddy because unlike you, I don't act like a five year old," Will says. Uriah sticks his tongue out at Will.

"Way to make his point, Uriah," Lynn says.

**We reach the carousel. Some horses are scratched and weathered, their tails broken off or their saddles chipped. Four takes the flag out of his pocket.**

"**In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," he says. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."**

**He is right about that. What good is a prepared body if you have a scattered mind?**

"Uriah seems to manage, though," I say. Uriah is too busy looking at a light spot on a wall to notice that everyone is laughing at him.

**Will takes the flag from Four. **

"**Some people should stay here and guard, and some people should go out and scout the other teams' location," Will says.**

"That's probably the best course of action," Caleb says. I wonder what he'll think of his sister's course of action.

"**Yeah? You think?" Marlene plucks the flag from Will's fingers. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"**

Caleb gets a disgusted look on his face, "What does him being a transfer have to do with his coming up with a plan? In fact, since he is a transfer from Erudite, it would be wise to listen to him. Dauntless needs to teach its members common sense."

"But he'd never played paintball before," Marlene says, trying to defend herself.

"All Erudite have to take strategy classes," Will says, "I was actually probably better equipped to come up with a strategy than you guys were. Maybe, you shouldn't discriminate people based on what faction they come from. It just makes you look like an ignorant jerk."

I nod. "You don't want to be like Peter." Most people who don't transfer seem to have an air of arrogance about themselves for a long time.

"I wasn't being anything like Peter!" Marlene exclaims.

"So you weren't just refusing to listen to someone because they weren't Dauntless-born?" Tris asks, raising an eyebrow. She looks at all of the Dauntless-born in the room. "Just because you guys were lucky enough to be born into a faction that suits you doesn't mean you're automatically braver. In fact, transfers have to be braver since they had to leave behind everything they'd known."

The Dauntless-born fall silent for a little while. They're definitely not Peter, but I have heard all of them use the "I'm so great because I was born in Dauntless" tone.

"**No one," says Will. "But someones got to do it."**

"I will admit that that was the wrong response," Will says, before Caleb even got a chance to lecture him on it.

"**Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," suggests Christina.**

"**That's the sissy way out," Uriah says, "I vote that we all go out. Hid the flag well enough that they can't find it."**

I roll my eyes. Like that would ever work. They really do need to teach Dauntless children strategy and common sense.

**Everyone bursts into conversation at once, their voices louder with each passing second. Christina defends Will's plan; the Dauntless-born initiates vote for offense; everyone argues about who should make the decision. Four sits on the edge of carousel, leaning against a plastic horse's foot. His eyes lift to the sky, where there are no stars, only a round moon peeking through a thin layer of cloud.**

"When did this turn into the Four show?" Uriah asks.

"When did you get so idiotic?" Tris asks, a threat implied by her tone and the glare she sends him. Even I'm a little scared by Tris right now.

**The muscles in his arms are relaxed; his hand rests on the back of his neck. He lookd almost comfortable, holding that gun to his shoulder. **

**I close my eyes briefly. Why does he distract me so easily?**

I grin and everyone but Tris starts laughing.

"How can you be so ignorant to this kind of thing?" Christina asks.

Tris blushes a deep crimson. Even though she's blushing, she manages to give everyone a glare that makes them stop. Forget being a little scared of Tris, I'm terrified of her.

**I need to focus.**

**What would I say if I could shout above the sniping behind me? We can't act until we know where the other team is. They could be anywhere within a two-mile radius, although I can rule out the empty marsh as an option. The best way to find them is not to argue about how to search for them, or how many people to send in a search party.**

**It is to climb as high as possible.**

"Please, please tell me you didn't," Caleb says. He almost sounds like he's pleading with her.

"Didn't do what?" Tris asks innocently.

Caleb groans and buries his face in his hands. "Of course you did."

**I look over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching. None of them look at me, so I walk toward the Ferris wheel with light, quiet footsteps, pressing my gun to my back with one hand to keep it from making noise.**

**When I stare up at the Ferris wheel from the ground, my throat feels tighter.**

"Maybe because your throat knows you shouldn't do that," Caleb mumbles.

**It is taller than I thought, so tall I can barely see the cars swinging at the top. **

**The only good thing about its height is that is was built to support weight. If I climb it, it won't collapse beneath me. **

**My heart pumps faster. Will I really risk my life for this- to win a game that the Dauntless like to play?**

"Oh see when you put it like that, IT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE," Caleb yells.

**It's so dark I can barely see them, but when I stare at the huge, rusted supports holding the wheel in place, I see the rungs of a ladder. Each support is only as wide as my shoulders, and there are no railings to hold me in, but climbing the ladder is better than climbing the spoke of the wheel.**

"You were going to climb the spokes originally?" Caleb asks incredulously.

Tris shrugs in response. I shake my head. For some reason, heights don't faze her at all.

**I grab a rung. It's rusty and thin and feels like it might crumble in my hands. I put my weight on the lowest rung to test it and jump to make sure it will hold me up. The movement hurts my ribs, and I wince. **

"**Tris," a low voice says behind me. **

"Tris, you're going to die soon," Zeke says. I look up. I didn't say that. I see Zeke trying to suppress a smile and realize he's making things up.

"You're going to fall off of the Ferris wheel and die," Zeke continues. "And then after you die you shall get a unicorn named Jim and ride off into the sunset atop of him."

Tris rolls her eyes. "Stop making things up and just read the damn book."

"Yes ma'am," Zeke says, saluting her.

**I don't know why it doesn't startle me. Maybe because I am becoming Dauntless, and mental preparedness is something I am supposed to develope. Maybe because his voice is low and smooth and almost soothing. **

"Why thank you," I say, grinning.

**Whatever the reason, I look over my shoulder. Four stands behind me with his gun slung across his back, just like mine.**

"**Yes?" I say.**

"**I came to find out what you think you're doing."**

"Something unbelievably stupid," Caleb says.

"**I'm seeking higher ground," I say, "I don't **_**think **_**I'm doing anything."**

**I see him smile in the dark. "All right. I'm coming." **

I still wonder why I did that. I didn't know Tris very well at all back then, and my fear of heights is pretty bad.

**I pause a second. He doesn't look at me the way Will, Christina, and Al sometimes do- like I am too small and too weak to be of any use, and they pity me for it.**

Will and Christina shift awkwardly in their seats. I guess they didn't think Tris had noticed what they thought of her at the beginning. Of course, now they know that Tris is anything but weak. They also smoothed things over with her after the rankings were released.

**But if he insists on coming with me, it is probably because he doubts me.**

"Or because I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't fall to your death," I say.

"**I'll be fine," I say.**

"**Undoubtedly," he replies. I don't hear the sarcasm, but I know it's there. It has to be.**

I sigh. "Not everyone automatically thinks that you're weak."

"Hmm," Tris says in a tone that means she doesn't really believe me. I shake my head. She's so stubborn.

**I climb, and when I'm a few feet off the ground, he comes after me. He moves faster than I do, and soon his hands find the rungs that my feet leave. **

"**So tell me…" he says quietly as we climb. He sounds breathless. **

"Interesting," Caleb says, studying my face. "Want to tell us why you were so breathless?"

"Why don't you just wait for the book to explain?" I ask gruffly. Caleb gives me a look like he knows that I'm afraid of heights. I wouldn't doubt that he had figure it out. He is Tris's brother after all.

"**What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game I mean, not the climbing."**

**I stare down at the pavement. It seems far away now, but I'm not even a third of the way up. Above me is a platform, just below the center of the wheel. That's my destination. I don't even think about how I will climb back down.**

Well, she didn't actually have to climb back down, so I guess it wasn't necessary for her to think about it.

**The breeze that brushed my cheeks earlier now presses against my side. The higher we go, the stronger it will get.**

**I need to be ready.**

"**Learning about strategy," I say. "Teamwork maybe."**

"What's gonna work?!" Uriah yells. What?

"Teamwork!" Zeke yells back. I shake my head. How do these two pass for sane? **(A/N: My childhood.)**

"**Teamwork," he repeats. A laugh hitches in his throat. It sounds like a panicked breath. **

"Interesting," Caleb says. I purposely avoid looking at him so I don't glare at him. All of those "Interestings" are really starting to annoy me.

"**Maybe not," I say. "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority." **

"But it's what's gonna work," Uriah says sadly. I have no idea what he's talking about, and judging from everyone else's faces, Zeke is the only one who understands what he's talking about.

"What's it like dating someone who couldn't pass a sanity test?" Lynn asks, directing her question at Shauna and Marlene.

"Hey! We're fabulous!" Zeke and Uriah yell simultaneously.

**The wind is stronger now. I press closer to the white support so I don't fall, but that makes it hard to climb. Below me the carousel looks small. I can barely see my team under the awning. Some of them are missing- a search party must have left.**

"I'm surprised they were able to come to a consensus what with the way that they were bickering," I say.

**Four says, "It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be."**

**But I'm not really listening, because the height is dizzying. My hands ache from holding the rungs, and my legs are shaking but I'm not sure why. It isn't the height that scares- the height make me alive with energy, every organ and vessel and muscle in my body singing at the same pitch.**

I shake my head. I never understood how Tris could like heights.

**Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames.**

Tris turns red, and Shauna, Christina, and Marlene all "aww."

I grin, lean in towards her ear and whisper, "You're adorable when you blush."

Tris turns an even brighter shade of red and punches me in the arm, not hard, but not soft either. Tris really doesn't like to be embarrassed.

"Wait, when did you realize that you like him?" Christina asks.

"About the time the ranks for stage two were posted," Tris says.

It was way earlier for me. I think it was about the time that I threw knives at her.

**My hand almost misses the next rung.**

"Maybe you shouldn't have gone with her," Caleb says. "You seem to be awfully distracting."

"**Now tell me…," he says through a bursting breath, "what do you think this learning strategy has to do with... bravery?" **

**The question reminds me that he is my instructor, and I am supposed to learn something from this. A cloud passess over the moon, and the lights shift across my hands.**

"**It… it prepares you to act," I say finally, "You learn strategy so you can use it." I hear him breathing behind me, loud and fast.**

"Can't handle high altitude air?" Will asks sympathetically, "It takes some getting used to."

I nod. I'm not sure if I'm lying or not.

"Then again," Will says, "having troubles at that altitude is strange." He peers over at me. He looks like an Erudite trying to solve a puzzle. Although, I guess he would have been just a couple of months ago.

"**Are you alright, Four?"**

"**Are you human Tris? Being up this high…," He gulps for air. "It doesn't scare you at all?"**

**I look over my shoulder at the ground. If I fall now, I will die.**

"Four is right, Tris," Caleb says, shaking his head. "You're not human."

**But I don't think I'll fall.**

**A gust of air presses against my left side, throwing my body weight to the right. I gasp and cling to the rungs, my balance shifting. Four's cold hand clamps around one of my hips, one of his fingers finding a strip of bare skin just under the hem of my T-shirt. He squeezes, steadying me and pushing me gently to the left, restoring my balance.**

"You know," Caleb says, his face paler than usual. "I take back what I said before. I'm glad that you went with her."

**Now I can't breathe. I pause, staring at my hands, my mouth dry. I feel the ghost of where his hand was, his fingers long and narrow.**

"Yeah," Tris says. "Your hand were absolutely freezing!"

I roll my eyes. "Next time I'll wear heated gloves," I say.

"Good," she says.

"**You okay?" he asks quietly.**

"**Yes," I say, my voice strained. **

**I keep climbing, silently, until we reach the platform. Judging by the blunted ends of metal rods, it used to have railings, but it doesn't anymore. I sit down and scoot to the end of it so Four has somewhere to sit. **

I turn my head to look at a wall. I know it's cowardly, but I don't want to see their faces.

**Without thinking, I put my legs over the side. Four, however, crouches and presses his back to the metal support, breathing heavily. **

I clench my jaw. I can already feel their stares.

"**You're afraid of heights," I say. "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"**

Zeke stops reading, and after a few seconds, the silence starts to grate on my nerves. Suddenly, I snap. I am just so furious. Not at them, but at everything, at nothing.

I turn my head to look at the circle. "What?" I say, anger practically dripping from my voice, "You guys didn't think I'd have such a common fear? Surprised that Four the prodigy is afraid of something silly like heights?"

Christina rolls her eyes, "Why are you so bent out of shape about it? You know most of our fears."

"Oh sure," I say sarcastically, "I know a former Candor's fears. Like those are so hard to learn. And-"

Tris stands up abruptly and drags me up with her, causing me to stop mid-sentence. She grabs my forearm and leads me out of Zeke's apartment, closing the door behind us. She takes us down the hall a little ways and then stops and turns around to face me. She looks tired and angry. I feel my own anger dissipate and feel shame take its place. I look at a wall and clench my fists. I screwed up, but I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to be a better person. Someone who doesn't screw up in the first place.

Tris sighs. "Tobias, they aren't going to pity you." She take my hands into hers and forces my hands to stop forming fists. Then she places one of her hands on my cheek and turns my head to face her. She doesn't look angry anymore, she looks sad. Now I feel ashamed and guilty. Ashamed of my outburst and guilty for making Tris sad.

"It's ok to be afraid of things, Tobias. And it's ok if other people know what you're afraid of. It's not like you being afraid of heights changes anything that you've done."

"I know," I sigh. I take her hand from my cheek and enfold it in one of my hands. "It's just… I don't know how to let people get to know me. I've kept people out for so long, refused to talk about my past for so long, I don't know anyother way to be."

"If you really are so secretive then why did you agree to let them read it in the first place?"

I shrug. I guess I had thought that if Tris could handle it so could I. I thought I'd be able to put aside my cowardice long enough to let my friends know a little about me.

"Well, let's go back. You can apologize to Chrissy before we start reading again," Tris says, giving me a pointed look.

"Yes mom."

Tris leads us back to the room. I make her stop right outside of the door. I hear everyone in their talking.

"- well not everyone likes pop-tarts," I hear Marlene say.

"What?! Blasphemy!" I hear Uriah yell, loud enough that we could probably have heard him down in the Pit.

I decide I'll have to face them sooner or later, so I open the door and walk in, still holding Tris's hand. They all fall silent. I walk directly to my spot and sit down, pulling Tris onto my lap. I stare blankly toward the center of the circle. It's getting kind of awkward.

Tris elbows me in the ribs. "Fine," I say, breaking the silence. I turn my head towards Christina, "I'm sorry for my outburst, it was immature on my part."

Christina nods. "It's ok. I wasn't being very sensitive."

"There, happy now?" I ask Tris.

"Ecstatic."

"Let's just continue reading, shall we?" Shauna suggests.

"**I ignore my fear," he says. "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist."**

"Interesting," Caleb says. He seems to say that a lot.

**I stare at him for a second. I can't help it. To me there's a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, as he does.**

Yeah, the one who is afraid is more likely to be careful, and therefore is less likely to die.

**I have been staring at him too long.**

"**What?" he says quietly.**

"**Nothing."**

"She just thinks you're hot," Uriah says. Tris blushes. "Of course," he adds, "You'll never be as hot as me."

"Keep telling yourself that, man," I scoff.

**I look away from him and toward the city. I have to focus. I climbed up here for a reason. The city is pitch-black, but even if it wasn't, I wouldn't be able to see very far. A building stands in my way.**

"Of course it does," says Caleb.

"**We're not high enough," I say. I look up. Above me is a tangle of white bars, the wheel's scaffolding. If I climb carefully, I can wedge my feet between the supports and the crossbars and stay secure. Or as secure as possible.**

"Wow," Caleb says sarcastically, "That is so reassuring."

"**I'm going to climb," I say, standing up. I grab one of the bars above my head and pull myself up. Shooting pains go through my bruised sides, but I ignore them.**

"**For God's sake, Stiff," he says.**

"Yes," Caleb says, "Listen to Four! He's actually pretty smart!"

"**You don't have to follow me," I say, staring at the maze of bars above me. I shove my foot into the place where two bars cross and push myself up, grabbing another bar in the process. I sway for a second, my heart beating so hard I can't feel anything else. Every thought I have condenses into that heartbeat, moving at the same rhythm. **

"**Yes, I do," he says.**

"Aww," Shauna says, "That's so sweet!" Marlene and Christina nod.

"Huh?" I give them a confused look.

"You're afraid of heights but you still climb because of Tris! That's so adorable!" Christina squeals.

"And really chivalrous," Marlene adds.

"Oh man," I say smirking. "I'm sweet and chivalrous? You're really lucky, Tris."

"Let me take a moment to compose myself," Tris says dryly. "I don't think I can contain my excitement for getting to have you as a boyfriend."

**This is crazy and I know it. A fraction of an inch of a mistake, half a second of hesitation and my life is over. Heat tears through my chest, and I smile as I grab the next bar.**

I shake my head. I don't understand how or why she loves heights so much. Although, I must admit that there are times when I am jealous of her ability to enjoy heights. The beauty of heights is blotted out by my fear, and I find that unfortunate.

**I pull myself up, my arms shaking, and force my leg under me so I'm standing on another bar. When I feel steady, I look down at Four. But instead of seeing him, I see straight to the ground. I can't breathe. **

Finally, Tris has a human response to the height.

**I imagine my body plummeting, smacking into the bars as it falls down, and my limbs at broken angels on the pavement, just like Rita's sister when she didn't make it onto the roof.**

"What lovely imagery," Christina says, wrinkling her nose.

"I try," Tris says, shrugging.

I have to agree with Christina on that. I don't want to imagine Tris's body falling from that height, but now that she has suggested it, I can't stop thinking about it. Her tiny frame bruised and broken, with her appendages bent at unnatural angles, her blonde hair spread out around her face, and blood pouring from wounds. I don't want to think about it, but I can't get the image out of my head.

**Four grabs a bar with each hand and pulls himself up, easy, like he's sitting up in bed. But he is not comfortable or natural here- every muscle in his arm stands out. It is a stupid thing for me to think when I am one hundred feet off the ground. **

"Mmmhmm," I say. "You really should focus more on what you're doing."

"You're right," Tris says. I study her. She usually doesn't give up this easily. "From now on, I promise I won't pay any attention to you."

"That's not what I meant," I protest.

"Too bad," Tris says. She leans her head back and rests it on my shoulder. I swear I'm nothing more that furniture to her sometimes.

**I grab another bar, find another place to wedge my foot. When I look at the city again, the building isn't in my way. I'm high enough to see the skyline. Most of the buildings are black against a navy sky, but the red lights at the top of the Hub are lit up. They blink half as fast as my heartbeat. **

**Beneath the buildings, the streets look like tunnels. For a few seconds I see only a dark blanket over the land in front of me, just faint differences between building and sky and street and ground. Then I see a tiny pulsing light on the ground. **

"**See that?" I say, pointing. **

**Four stops climbing when he's right behind me and looks over my shoulder, his chin next to my head. His breathe flutters against my ear, and I feel shaky again, like I did when I was climbing the ladder.**

I feel a smirk start to form.

"Proud of yourself?" Tris asks quietly. Her head is turned toward me, so I can feel her breath across my neck, and she's close enough that I can almost feel her lips moving to form words.

"Yep," I say. It's comforting to know that I have at least a little bit of the effect she has on me.

"**Yeah," he says. A smile spreads across his face.**

Zeke slams the book down and everyone jumps.

"What the heck?" Lynn says, angrily. "What was that for?"

"Fly," he says, picking the book back up.

"You may have killed the fly, but you almost gave me a heart attack," Shauna says, angrily.

"Certain things have to be sacrificed for the greater good," Zeke says ominously. He starts humming cheerfully while he flips through the book to find the right page. I really don't want to know what "greater good" he is talking about. Something tells me that I would be scarred for life if I did.

"**It's coming from the park at the end of the pier," he says. "Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough." **

"**Okay," I say. I look over my shoulder at him. We are so close, I forget where I am; instead I notice that the corners of his mouth turn down naturally, just like mine, and that he has a scar on his chin.**

I absentmindedly rub the scar with the hand not holding Tris. It's pretty stupid how I got it. I tripped over Zeke, and some glass cut my chin. It wasn't deep enough to warrant me going to the hospital, but apparently it was deep enough to leave a scar. Oh well. It's just one of many.

"**Um," I say. I clear my throat. "Start climbing down, I'll follow you."**

**Four nods and steps down. His leg is so long that he finds a place for his foot easily and guides his body between the bars. Even in darkness, I see that his hands are bright red and shaking.**

I was really freaked out up there. Of course, I was even more freaked out when Tris was dangling from one of the crossbars.

**I step down with one foot, pressing my weight into one of the crossbars. The bar creaks beneath me and comes loose, clattering against half a dozen bars on the way down an bouncing on the pavement. I'm dangling from the scaffolding with my toes swinging in mid-air. A strangled gasp escapes me.**

"Of course," Caleb says, "because things always have to get worse."

"Well," she says, "You have the benefit of knowing that I live."

"Unless of course you're actually a ghost!" Uriah says.

"Oh no!" Zeke says, "Tris is a ghost! Get an exorcist!"

"But Ricardo is out of town!" Uriah says. "And he's the exorcist I always use!"

"Just call a different exorcist," Tris says.

"No!" Zeke yells. "Don't listen to it! It's trying to lead us astray! Besides, everyone know that using a different exorcist from the one you normally use is bad juju!"

"It is the worst juju," Uriah agrees, nodding his head with a solemn face.

Well okay then.

"**Four!"**

**I try to find another place to put my foot, but the nearest foothold is a few feet away, farther than I can strech. My hands are sweaty. I remember wiping them on my slacks before the Choosing Ceremony, before the aptitude test, before every important moment, and suppress a scream. I will slip. I will slip.**

I hold Tris a little tighter and briefly kiss the top of her head. She is stronger and braver than she often gives herself credit. And more selfless. And prettier. Basically, she doesn't give herself enough credit.

"**Hold on!" he shouts. "Just hold on, I have an idea."**

**He keeps climbing down. He's going in the wrong direction; he should be coming toward me, not going away from me. I stare at my hands, which are wrapped around the narrow bar so tightly my knuckles are white. My fingers are dark red, almost purple. They won't last long.**

**I won't last long.**

Zeke sighs. "You're going to be this pessimistic throughout this aren't you?"

"Most probably," Tris says.

Zeke sighs again. "As soon as we finish this book, I'm getting you a feng shui master."

"Luckily," Uriah says, "Ricardo the exorcist doubles as a feng shui master."

"Whatever that is," Tris says.

**I squeeze my eyes shut. Better to pretend that none of this exists. I hear Four's sneakers squeak against metal and rapid footsteps on ladder rungs.**

I'm surprised I didn't fall, what with how fast I was going down that ladder.

"**Four!" I yell. Maybe he left. Maybe he abandoned me.**

"Unfortunately for you," I say into Tris's ear, "You're going to be stuck with me for a long while." I wrap both of my arms around her, so I'm giving her a hug from behind.

"Bummer," Tris says jokingly. "I was hoping I could be a crazy cat lady." She sighs. "I guess I'll settle for you instead of cats."

"Why thank you," I say. "Nice to know I'm a tolerated replacement for cats."

**Maybe this is a test of my strength, of my bravery. I breathe in my nose and out my mouth. I count my breaths to calm down. One, two. In, out. **_**Come on, Four **_**is all I can think. **_**Come on, do something.**_

**Then I hear something wheeze and creak. The bar I'm holding shudders and I scream through my clenched teeth as I fight to keep my grip. The wheel is moving.**

"Nice plan," Caleb says.

**Air wraps around my ankles and wrists as the wind gushes up, like a geyser. I open my eyes. I'm moving- toward the ground. I laugh, giddy with hysteria as the ground comes closer and closer. But I'm picking up speed. If I don't drop at the right time, the moving cars and metal scaffolding will drag at my body and carry me with them, and then I will really die. **

**Every muscle in my body tenses as I hurtle toward the ground. When I see the cracks in the sidewalk, I drop, and my body slams into the ground, feet first. My legs collapse beneath me and I pull my arms in, rolling as fast as I can to the side. The cement scrapes my face, and I turn just in time to see a car bearing down on me, like a giant shoe about to crush me. I roll again, and the bottom of the car skims my shoulder. I'm safe.**

Everyone cheers.

**I press my palms to my face. I don't try to get up. If I did, I'm sure I would just fall back down. I hear footsteps, and Four's hands wrap around my wrists. I let him pry my hands from my eyes. **

**He encloses one of my hands perfectly between two of his. **

"Oh my gosh! Four initiated holding hands with someone! Our boy is growing up, Shauna," Zeke says. He grabs a tissue and dabs at his eyes.

"Is that really so surprising?" I ask.

Everyone but Tris nods.

**The warmth from of his skin overwhelms the ache in my fingers from holding the bars.**

"I thought you said my hands were freezing," I say, grinning.

"Well, I was holding a metal bar for a while so my hands were bound to get colder," Tris says.

"So, I don't need to wear gloves next time?" I ask, teasingly.

"Whatever."

I smirk. Score one for Tobias, like 5267 for Tris. I'm finally gaining on her.

"**You alright?" he asks, pressing our hands together. **

"**Yeah."**

**He starts to laugh. **

"Crazy person alert!" Uriah stage whispers.

I snort. "Like you're one to talk."

"What?" Uriah says over everyone laughing at him.

"Uriah," Marlene says, placing a hand on his shoulder, "You have no room to call anyone crazy."

**After a second, I laugh too. With my free hand, I push myself into a sitting person. I am aware of how little space there is between us- just six inches at most. That space feels charged with electricity. I feel like it smaller.**

The usual group of girls awws. Tris blushes, but she doesn't hide her face. She doesn't need to be embarrassed. After all, my thoughts were pretty similar.

**He stands, pulling me up with him. The wheel is still moving, creating a wind that tosses my hair back.**

"**You could have told that the Ferris wheel still worked," I say. I try to sound casual. "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."**

"**I would have if I had known," he says. "Couldn't let you just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag."**

**Four hesitates for a moment and then takes my arm, his fingertips pressing into the inside of my elbow. **

"Whoa! Four actually has emotions!" Zeke says, like it is some great revelation.

"You're just now realizing that? I've been dating Tris for like a month now," I say.

"This is different. You guys aren't really PDA people after all."

"Good," Caleb says. "PDA is really annoying. Especially when you're trying to get a book but some couple is making out in front of the bookcase."

Tris nods. "I remember one time I was going back to my apartment and some couple was making out in front of my door. So I yelled at them and told them that they could wait long enough to get into their own apartment. I had to sanitize my door afterwards," Tris says.

"Some people are just so rude," Caleb says disgustedly. Tris nods.

**In other factions, he would have given me time to recover, but he is Dauntless, so he smiles at me and starts toward the carousel, where our team members guard our flag. And I half run, half limp beside him. I still feel weak, but my mind is awake, especially with his hand on me. **

**Christina is perched on one of the horses, her long legs crossed and her hand around the pole holding the plastic animal upright. Our flag is behind her, a glowing triangle in the darkness. Three Dauntless-born initiates stand among the other worn and dirty animals. One of them has his hand on a horse's head, and a scratched horse eye stares at me between his fingers. Sitting on the edge of the carousel is an older Dauntless, scratching her quadruple-pierced eyebrow with her thumb. **

"Hannah?" Shauna asks.

"No, Lily," I say. Both Hannah and Lily are from the year before Shauna's, Zeke's and myself's.

"**Where'd the others go?" asks Four.**

**He looks as excited as I feel, his eyes wide with energy. **

"Part of that was the fact that I was touching you," I whisper into Tris's ear. She blushes and tries to look as if nothing happened when Caleb gives her an inquisitive look.

"**Did you guys turn on the wheel?" the older girl says. "What the hell were you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!" She shakes her head. "If I lose again this year the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"**

"How can she have lost three years in a row?" Caleb asks.

"They let a certain number of non-initiate, non-trainers play," Zeke says.

"Why didn't you play Zeke?" Marlene asks.

Zeke snorts. "I knew I was either going to wind up on the same team as Eric or Uriah, so I decided it wasn't worth it."

Uriah places a hand to his chest. "I thought we had a brotherly-bond, Zeke!"

Zeke shrugs. "I usually tolerate you."

Uriah continues to make unintelligible noises for a while, so Zeke just starts reading again.

"**The wheel doesn't matter," says Four. "We know where they are."**

"**We?" says Christina, looking from Four to me.**

"Why were you so surprised by the 'we', Chris?" Tris asks.

She shrugs. "Just seemed odd to me that you and Four went somewhere alone together."

"Maybe if you hadn't been so busy bickering, you would have noticed our disappearance in the first place," Tris says dryly. Christina blushes. Tris once told me that she knew Christina's tell, so I guess she noticed it just now and decided to call Christina out on it. She won't tell me what it is though for some reason.

"**Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," he says. **

"**What do we do now, then?" asks one of the Dauntless-born initiates through a yawn. **

**Four looks at me. Slowly the eyes of the other initiates, including Christina, migrate from him to me. I tense my shoulders, about to shrug and say I don't know, but then an image of the pier stretching out beneath me come to mind. I have an idea.**

"**Split in half," I say. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag."**

"Solid plan, little sis," Caleb says, sounding impressed.

"Thanks," Tris says, smiling at her brother.

**Christina looks at me like she no longer recognizes me. I don't blame her.**

"Yeah, looks can be deceiving," Christina says.

"What do you mean?" Tris asks.

"Well, you looked like a sweet little abnegation, but you definitely don't act like one," Christina rubs the back of her neck. "I'm sorry I automatically assumed that's how you were. And I'm sorry that I didn't treat you that great when I realized that wasn't how you were."

"Me too," Will says.

"It's all good," Tris assures them.

While it would have been nice if they could have realized that sooner, it's big of them to admit they were wrong. Too many people can never admit they're wrong.

"**Sounds good," says the older girl, clapping her hands together. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?" **

**Christina joins me in the group going to the right, along with Uriah, whose smile looks white against his bronze skin. I didn't notice before, but has has a tattoo of a snake behind his ear. **

"I know I'm hot, Tris. You don't need to keep staring at me," Uriah says.

Tris shrugs. "You were one of the first Dauntless-born initiates I got to see up-close. I was curious."

Uriah wrinkles his nose. "Now you're just making me sound like some specimen you're going to dissect."

"He's catching on, Caleb. Get the knives ready," Tris stage whispers.

"Ok. I'll leave the drugging him to you," Caleb says back, matching Tris's tone.

"No!" Uriah yells. "I'm too young and beautiful to die! I won't eat your candy!"

"Would you eat a pop-tart?" Tris asks.

Uriah deliberates for several moments before saying, "Sorry, Mar. Looks like I'm going to be dissected."

Marlene cheers and high-fives Lynn.

"No one cares about me," Uriah grumbles.

**I stare at its tail curling around his earlobe for a moment, but then Christina starts running and I have to follow her.**

**I have to run twice as fast to match my short strides to her long ones. As I run, I realize that only one of us will get to touch the flag, and it won't matter that it was my plan and my information that got us to it if I'm not the one who grabs it.**

"Sorry," Christina says. "I don't know what came over for me. I should have waited for you. We could have grabbed it together."

"Let's just say that all past transgressions are forgiven. Deal?" Tris says.

Everyone nods.

**Though I can hardly breathe as it is, I run faster, and I'm on Christina's heels. I pull my gun around my body, holding my finger to the trigger.**

**We reach the end of the pier, and I clamp my mouth shut to keep my breaths in. We slow down so our footsteps aren't as loud, and I look for the blinking light again. Now that I'm on the ground, it's bigger and easier to see. I point, and Christina nods, leading the way toward it. **

**Then I hear a chorus of yells, so loud they make me jump. I hear puffs of air as paintballs go flying and splats as they find their targets. Our team has charged, the other team runs to meet us, and the flag is almost unguarded. Uriah takes aim and shoots the last guard in the thigh. The guard, a short girl with purple hair, throws her gun to the ground in a tantrum.**

"Wow. How mature of her," Caleb says.

Uriah shrugs. "Willow acts like a kid."

We all look at him incredulously.

"What?" he asks.

"Look who's talking!" Lynn says. "You're one of the most immature people I know."

**I sprint to catch up to Christina. The flag hangs from a tree branch, high above my head. I reach for it and so does Christina. **

"**Come on, Tris." she says. "You're already the hero of the day."**

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Christina shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"**And you know you can't reach it anyway."**

**She gives me a patronizing look, the way people sometimes look at children when they act too adult, and snatches the flag from the branch. **

**Without looking at me, she turns and gives a whoop of victory. Uriah's voice joins hers and then I hear a chorus of yells in the distance.**

**Uriah claps my shoulder, and I try to forget about the look Christina gave me. Maybe she's right; I've already proved myself today. I do not want to be greedy; I do not want to be like Eric, terrified of other people's strength.**

"You're no where near as bad as Eric," Christina says.

Tris shrugs. "Just saying that I'd like to keep it that way."

**The shouts of triumph become infectious, and I lift my voice to join in, running toward my teammates. Christina holds up the flag up high, and everyone clusters around her, grabbing her arms to lift the flag even higher.**

"Yeah," Christina says. "It really hurt. I felt like they were going to rip my arms out of their sockets."

**I can't reach her, so I stand off to the side, grinning.**

**A hand touches my shoulder. **

"**Well done," Four says quietly.**

"Page break!" Zeke says.

"**I can't believe I missed it!" Will says again, shaking his head. Wind coming through the doorway of the train car blows his hair in every direction. **

"**You were performing the very important job of staying out of our way," says Christina, beaming.**

**Al groans. "Why did I have to be put on the other team?" **

"Because he wasn't fast," I say rolling my eyes. "Did no one else get my strategy?"

I hear a couple of people say "No."

"**Because life's not fair, Albert. And the world is conspiring against you," says Will.**

"The world is conspiring against me," Uriah says. "Just last week, I was short two packages of pop-tarts! Someone must have stolen them!"

"Or you just ate some pop-tarts while you were sleep-walking again," Marlene says, rolling her eyes.

"No!" Uriah says. "That's what they want you to think!"

I wonder who this "they" he keeps referring to is.

"**Hey, can I see the flag again?"**

**Peter, Molly, and Drew sit across from the members in the corner. Their chests and backs are splattered with blue and pink paint, and they look dejected. They speak quietly, sneaking looks at us, especially Christina. That is the benefit of not holding the flag right now- I am no one's target. Or at least, no more than usual.**

"Ugh," Christina says. "They were so annoying right after capture the flag! Some of my stuff went missing, and they took every opportunity they had to trip me and stuff."

"Maybe that will teach you to not be so greedy," Will says pointedly.

"Yes, mom."

"**So you climbed the Ferris wheel, huh?" says Uriah. He stumbles across the car and sits next to me. Marlene, the girl with the flirty smile, follows him.**

"Are you ever going to describe me?" Marlene asks.

Tris shrugs. "Dunno."

"**Yes," I say.**

"**Pretty smart of you. Like… Erudite smart," Marlene says.**

"But also really dumb," Caleb says.

"**I'm Marlene."**

"**Tris," I say. At home, being compared to an Erudite would be an insult, but she says it like a compliment.**

"**Yeah, I know who you are," she says.**

"And I know where you sleep at night," Marlene says in a creepy voice.

"Creeper!" yells Uriah.

"Stranger danger!" yells Zeke.

"**The first jumper tends to stick in your head." It has been years since I jumped off a building in my Abnegation uniform; it has been decades.**

**Uriah takes one of the paintballs from his gun and squeezes it between his thumb and index finger. The train lurches to the left, and Uriah falls against me, his fingers pinching the paintball until a stream of pink, foul-smelling paint spray in my face.**

"What _were_ you trying to do?" Tris asks.

"I was curious," Uriah says shrugging.

**Marlene collapses into giggles. I wipe some of the paint from my face, slowly, and then smear it on his cheek. The scent of fish oil wafts through the train car. **

"**Ew!" He squeezes the ball at me again, but the opening is at the wrong angle, and the paint sprays into his mouth instead. He coughs and makes exaggerated gagging sounds.**

"Good job, bro," Zeke says. Uriah sticks his tongue out at him.

**I wipe my face with my sleeve, laughing so hard my stomach hurts.**

**If my entire life is like this, loud laughter and bold action and the kind of exhaustion you feel after a hard but satisfying day, I will be content. As Uriah scrapes his tongue with his fingertips, I realize that all I have to do is get through initiation, and that life will be mine.**

"Done! Here!" Zeke says, sliding the book to Uriah.

"Chapter 13…"

**Author's note: Thanks to all y'all who are reviewing and such!**

**Edit: Ok so, hopefully, that fixed it. It's just my luck that the site decided to glitch when I posted a really long chapter. Huge thanks to Windchimed for pointing out the fault in the first place! I'm not sure when I would have realized what had happened if you hadn't.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT. **


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